A
female
age
30-35,
*lishamarie08
writes:Well I hope someone can relate! Ok I'm a plus size woman. I'm 5 ft 7 inches tall and weight around 290. I'm on the plan with my dr to lose weight before I have weight loss surgery.I'm having the lapband done at the end of the year. I've found dating to be very very difficult! I have had boyfriends but none of them lasted! I have tried online dating and nothing bites! Yep match and eharmony and even some bbw sites. Nothing has worked I'm still single and I'm so alone! I know I'm young but there's no one that's ever been in my life more then 3 months. I know that weight is an issue but I doing things to change that. I just wish someone would see the inner beauty I have and realize how much of a knock out I'll be once the surgery happens. Why is dating so hard when your plus size. We need some loving too!!!!! Has anyone else had issuea like I have with dating?Sorry it was a little long. Thanks for ANY advice!!!!
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female
reader, alishamarie08 +, writes (21 June 2009):
alishamarie08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone. I know that I'm doing the surgery for me and my health to one day have a child and to make working easier. I know I'll be a knock out (thanks your friend) its hard just going day to day when you know your something special. Yourfriend you might be right about not being attracted to bigger guys when I lose weight. Thanks baby duck right now honestly I know this sounds horrible I'm not turning anything down dating wise. I think I will from now on. Thanks for all the help!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): I think it's important for you to be stable emotionally and psychologically before you embark on any new relationship. You are in the process of a transformation - you are not happy with the way you look, and unfortunately other people might not be either.
I always disagree that "it's what's inside that counts". It counts, for sure, but to pretend that sexual attraction and finding your partner attractive are not important is being naive.
There are men out there who like bigger women... but you are not planning to be one for very long are you? :) And it's kind of silly to approach a relationship saying "I'm not good looking now, but I will be soon, so stick around!". It doesn't work like that. It's difficult to build a solid relationship around an image that is changing, and that's where you are right now.
My advice would be to get to a place that you are comfortable first. Lose the weight, get the surgery, whatever. When you look at yourself in the mirror and feel happy with what you see, and feel like the inside matches the outside, then go out into the world and present that to others. Until I think you are just going to get into muddled situations.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Listen the first lesson is its whats inside that counts. These days media brainwashes societies to think what the "ideal" woman should look like.
I say rubbish! of course it's good to be healthy, look after yourself but just becoz your bigger doesnt mean you have to think less of yourself.
Firstly dont have these operations/surgeries unless you feel you want to, (not in order to please anyone else) ... true happiness comes from within, even if your skinny trust me you'd still come up against issues!
try building up your self esteem, and dont blame your lack of mates on your weight alone. sure it might be a factor, but a decent guy wouldnt even be gazing at your weight.
alot of overweight people are happy and find their soul mates, so dont give up!!! believe in it and you shall see it.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 I'm sorry to say that you're probably going to have to wait until the weight loss has kicked in. Men in general and young men even more so are pretty shallow about these things. Weight matters in and of itself but also in as much as young guys seek peer approval and they are going to catch some stick from their peers for dating a ++ girl.
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 You need to love yourself before people. When you lose heaps of weight and look more like you want to be and feel like a real bombshell (as I know you will be) have a look at someone who is really obese and see if you are attracted to them and then ask why. There is your answer.
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