A
female
age
41-50,
*ap
writes:Why has he changed again? I dated this guy 2 years ago now for a year, it eventually ended because i wanted more and told him i loved him and he stated he was 'fond' of me! I missed him terribly and we eventually got back together 5 months ago after he made lots of effort for us to give it another go.We began seeing each other 5 months ago again and to start with it was lovely. We took it slow and after 3 months he asked me to go on the pill which i did. He told me that he was worried about getting me pregnant which was why he didnt want sex before, not even with a condom as they could escape!!The problem is sex has only happened a couple of times and he is avoiding me like the plague as i am 3 days late for my period which is normal for me anyway! He has stopped phoning me over the last couple of weeks and although i have seen him, its not as often as normal and he seems distant and cold towards me.I asked him what was wrong and he again brought up his fear of me getting pregnant saying he couldnt bond with another child as he has a 2 year old from a previous relationship he dotes on. I also have 2 children i have brought up on my own after their dad left me so would hate to be in that situation again. I really dont know what to do... is he really not fussed with me??
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condom, got back together, his ex, period, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): Good. Support Group. I want you to get stronger, wiser, healthier. So you can better spot the narcissists, charmers/abusers and AVOID THEM.
Hang in there!!
A
female
reader, zap +, writes (16 December 2011):
zap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Chalice, Thankyou so much for your support!
I have taken your advice and ended the relationship, he wouldnt even answer the phone to me so it was all done via text which in itself says it all!!
I feel so much better now already. Dear Cupid always helps thankyou all so much xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): He made a promise, a commitment to come and see you and then broke it. He is untrustworthy, selfish, and deliberately chose to do this to punish you.
I'm thinking he is a narcissist as they LOATHE being told what to do and believe they should do whatever they want, when they want, even if they made a commitment.
LET HIM GO BEFORE HE DESTROYS YOUR SELF ESTEEM COMPLETELY!
Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder generally believe that the world revolves around them. This condition is characterized by a lack of ability to empathize with others and a desire to keep the focus on themselves at all times.~ (see link provided)
http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder
He is NOT CAPABLE of meeting your needs because he doesn't care about yours. He is unhealthy and cannot be expected to behave healthy and he won't want to anyways.
He only does things and has people in his life to use to make himself feel better.
CUT HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE and please seek a support group to aid you in healing and recovery.
*hugs & cocoa*
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A
female
reader, zap +, writes (14 December 2011):
zap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i took your advice, called him up last night and asked to talk. He said it wasnt me and that he does like me a lot. I explained that i am looking to the future and wanting a proper relationship maybe living together etc... i suggested that i dont think he wants the same, he said maybe he did. I was really upset and crying on the phone and told him exactly how he was making me feel. He told me that he would come down tonight Wednesday, to have a good chat. Well i have just received a text from him saying he is going to the car sales with his brother now so can he see me tomorrow!!!! OMG am i completely wasting my time or what?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 December 2011):
 "I am just getting a terrible gut feeling he isnt bothered about me at all and feel sooo gutted"
Babes, you know the truth... he not "fond" of you enough to make a commitment to a full time relationship, the pregnancy thing is just an excuse. It happens like that sometime. Nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with him, you tried, he tried, but for him the spark just isn't there. It's worse like this, waiting and hoping, but you know your not being treated well, or being given the love that you desperately need.
Sorry but yes babes, he's not that "fussed" with you, and he's too much of a coward to talk up and tell the truth. Please don't feel rejected, it's not a reflection on you, it's a reflection on him. You two just don't suit. It didn't work the first time, and now 2years later it still doesn't work.
Do a test and check for pregnancy, call him over and have a serious talk (not shouting match) just talk. Hopefully you can both end this painlessly, and if he comes around in a couple of years, remember how he hurt you before and AVOID.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 What's your gut feeling on this, does he truly have a phobia/aversion or does he seem emotionally distant in other ways?
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A
female
reader, zap +, writes (13 December 2011):
zap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much... i have suggested a vasectomy and his response was that he may want another child in the future. I have explained i dont want any more children unless its a joint decision and if need be would have an abortion if even with the pill and condoms i was to get pregnant!I am just getting a terrible gut feeling he isnt bothered about me at all and feel sooo gutted.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 December 2011):
If he is THAT paranoid about it he should get a vasectomy, problem solved.
If he think he might want to have kids again someday, the pill plus a condom bring the chances down to a VERY small possibility. Would you be willing to get an abortion? If so tell him that. If all of those things are there and he's still unwilling, he can also pull out before he ejaculates with a condom on, and with you on the pill. If even then he's paranoid, there's probably something else going on.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (13 December 2011):
Explain to him that you are taking effective precautions to avoid becoming pregnant. If you do not want any more children, tell him this as well.
Explain to him that he needs to get over this exaggerated fear of you becoming pregnant for the sake of your relationship. If he is still afraid, he can wear a condom while you take the pill which almost completely reduces the risk of pregnancy.
You could also suggest that he consider a vasectomy since he is the one concerned about having more children. A vasectomy would vastly reduce the chance of him impregnating any woman.
If his excuses continue, he probably isn't interested in continuing the relationship.
Finally, if he has had other changes in his behavior, attitude, emotions, and concerns, he may need to talk to a mental health professional. Unreasonable fears along with other behavioral changes could signify a developing problem.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): If he does not want to have children with anyone anymore; he can go get a Vasectomy. Its a day surgery and he will heal faster and will never have to worry so much.Vasectomy may be the safest, most effective kind of birth control. Only about 15 out of 10,000 couples get pregnant the first year after a vasectomy.Mens procedures can often be reversed whereas womens surgeries cannot. So its always best a man seek surgery.With his surgery and a condom; chances of pregnancy are next to nil.I'm thinking its such an unhealthy fear of his; its going to effect most of his relationships and not just with you.Surgery and counselling because really, he doesn't have enough love to give another child? THAT SOUNDS SO IMMATURE and he needs counseling because there is something else gonig on.
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