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Why does teenage romance hurt like hell?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 March 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 4 March 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, *randomguywholikesagirl writes:

Why does teenage romance hurt like hell? Well, that's just about it for this question. For once, i don't have much to say.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010):

It doesn't ever get easier. Ever.

Being heartbroken, if nothing else, hurts even more the older you get.

When you are a teenager, you have so many things to distract you, and people and friends come and go and so do lovers.

I would never minimise the pain and joy that heartbreak and love can brong at ANY age.

Its just that the older you get, the recovery time increases, whilst your chances of finding love again decrease.

This is life. You have to find love wherever you can. And cherish it when you have it, because more often then not, it doesn't last forever.

Sometimes it lasts, there are too many loving families and couples that have been together for 60 years or more that are going as strong as they ever were.

I believe its because of society's shift from being family-oriented to being faster-paced and less forgiving for things. No one talks to their neighbours anymore. The community life that helped to sustain these loves over periods like a World War, doesn't exist the same way anymore.

But then again, if you met during the Second World War, and your love survived THAT... then there is the realisation that there is little else it cannot survive.

We haven't had a great war like that one since Vietnam. All the wars today, we are detached in a way we have never been. We get news and reports in second of an event nowadays, and the internet has certainly closed the circle even more. These days we don't have to wait a long time to know how a war is progressing. We get minutely reports.

We never get the chance to MISS anyone, even when they leave, because they are constantly in contact. Through Text messages, Twitter, Emails, photos, webcams... we are surrounded by our love-ones every second to the point where we cannot help but become jaded to it all.

Be sure that if contact were to be suddenly ceased, of any kind, for weeks or even months, we would know how much love can sustain a person.

Flynn 24

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A male reader, arandomguywholikesagirl United States +, writes (3 March 2010):

arandomguywholikesagirl is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yeah thanks everyone. It's just i'm not sure if those answers can really help me. They're all basically the same things..... like oh you're not mature yet or like romance can kinda take up a lot of your time when there's not much else to think about. But that's just the thing. I have a lot of other things that are on my mind. I have basketball, football, homework, grades, all these things and they just keep coming since my dad and mom separated. So really i do love my girlfriend. It's not as if i "like like" her as a lot of younger kids say, it's that i truly love her. I'm not even sure how it happened. And i've asked one of my senior friends how they started to like the person they're dating, and they said it just kind of happened. They're a christian, and they say "it must be that god chose this person for me. I mean i never really knew this person, and i just started to love him amazingly one day. It was like one day i just knew him a little bit, the next i was in love." That's almost the exact same thing for my girl. I've known her for a while, since my seventh grade. I just loved her. No particular reason, i just did. The horrible thing is..... i'm not sure if it will ever go anywhere. One of my friends from another school has said he already found who he wants to marry after high school. And..... i think i have to..... welllll sorry for ranting on. I'll get out of you guys' hair.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010):

Teenagers!!! That's why!!!! You still don't have the whole map of the world in your hands which gets you lost or in the wrong path that can lead to a dead end or a neverending road. That's why girls so young tend to stick with their cute "awsome" boyfriends even though themselevs knowing don't get the respect they get mistreated. If your hurting right now it will last awhile and you'll cry and alotta of things are going to cross your mind but then outta the blue one day there won't be no more tears and you won't even knoe and that heartache will be soon gone. Now guys in the other hand sometimes don't know what they have or are confused sometimes they are too darn sweet and that special girl goes away atleast in most situations keep your head up don't let it wear you down avoid stuff that might remind you of her like songs,places,etc. Try to avoid her if by means keep that urge from txtin or callin and do something else pick up a cool hobby. Well goodluck

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2010):

k_c100 agony auntTo put it simply - you dont have enough life experience as a teenager to apply reality to the situation, therefore you become completely consumed by your relationship and your feelings for that person become overwhelming.

Teen romances are very different from adult relationships - adults have to consider their futures, money, housing, their careers, where they live, friends, family, possibly children, marriage....there is a whole heap of factors that need to be considered when you are an adult deciding to enter into a relationship. Whereas when you are a teenager, presumably still living at home with your parents - you dont have anything to worry about! You are too young to work, you dont worry about money as your parents are still responsible for you.....basically you dont have any responsibilities at all! All you need to do in a day is get up, go to school and come home again. So the rest of the time you can spend on a whole heap of things....and this is where teen romances come in!

You have so much free time as a teenager that it is so easy to get wrapped up in something; so just like computer game can suddenly take over your entire life, so can a romance! So when you spend all your time thinking about that person, and as much of your free time with them as possible - breaking up is bound to hurt more than it should.

Another problem is maturity - while many teens will always claim "but I'm so mature for my age, everyone always says how mature I am", at the end of the day you are a teenager who is ruled by their hormones, not by rationale and life experience. You are not mature enough to handle complex emotions and difficult situations, plus teenagers are inherently selfish (it is not a criticism, all teenagers are this way and you are designed to be this way!). Being selfish and in a relationship is not a good mix! Often teens just think about themselves, so if there is another person they are attracted to then there will be no hesitation to flirt or cheat even. Just as if they want something, they will go out and get it and think about the consequences after.

But just remember that all of this is a learning curve for you. This will make you a better and stronger person in the long run - even though it hurts now it will help you to learn from the experience and take it forward with you in your future. And the best thing about teen romances is the pain doesnt last very long! When you are an adult you invest a lot into a relationship, like money, time, relationships with friends/family....the list goes on and on. So as an adult you have much more at stake, hence much more to lose if it all goes wrong. Whereas as a teenager, while you will be hurting and in a lot of pain, you havent lost anything apart from a partner. This is a huge deal of course, but because you have not got so much resting on a relationship it means if things do go wrong then it is much quicker and easier to get over than say if a marriage breaks up, or your partner leaves you after 5 years together etc.

No matter how bad you feel right now, soon the pain will ease and you will easily find someone else to be the subject of your affections. There are 6 billion people on the planet and I can guarantee as a teenager you have not met many of those people, you wont have strayed far from your home town. There is a whole world waiting for you, and your perfect partner is out there....but you have all the time in the world to meet them.

Teen relationships suck, and we all have been there! Try not to let it get you down too much, and hopefully you will be comforted by the fact that you have got such a long life ahead of you that you dont know what it is going to bring!

I hope this helps and good luck!

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2010):

All romance hurts like hell when it goes wrong, not just teenage romance. But as you grown older and more experienced you'll be able to come to terms with hurt more. And one day you'll meet a nice lady who'll love you.

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