A
male
age
36-40,
*hadybaby123
writes:I have been with the women for a lil over year and it alredy feels like its been for ever. i meen we were friends a bit befor i asked her out. the night i asked her out she said i dont know because t (her x boyfriend) is really good in bed. but then she said yes. why would she say that to me? then she would always call his phone even after he tolde her he wants to choke her out i got mad and she got mad at me. she tolde me to stop talking to my x i did i asked her to staop talking hers and she got mad. one day she red me a diary about all the men she slept with like why the hell would i want to here all this. she would let every one flirt with her an i couldnt do eny thing cause she would get mad but if i was her she would freak out. she would defend her x every time some one said something about him. why would she defend him? i gave and and still do give her every thing she neads and whats i just dont get it its killing me in side. what should i do i cant forget the past. when i talk about the past she gets mad. i cant help but think of the past the hole last year was full of her lyes. what should i do?
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male
reader, shadybaby123 +, writes (26 August 2008):
shadybaby123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your advise. but there is so much more. then what i rote. like this time she was in a room with a man for an hour an my friend walked in after she walked out and there was condom in the trash she tolde me she didnt put it there. but she had sex with him befor we got together.
A
female
reader, cthulhuhugs +, writes (26 August 2008):
 You need to decide if it's worth the time and effort to put up with her behaviour. People don't generally change. You need to ask yourself "Can I maintain a relationship with a person who acts the way she does for the rest of my life?"
In all of my travels I have discovered this: if you're unhappy, then it's not worth it. You both deserve to find happiness, and from your description it sounds like you're not getting what you need from this relationship. It sounds like the two of you have conflicting views on what a relationship needs to thrive. Don't stay in a bad relationship just because it's comfortable. Try to imagine what it'd be like to be married to her, spending every day with her. Would the good outweigh the bad? Saying things like "I'm not sure if I want to break up with him because he's good in bed" indicate that she's got her priorities wrong to build a succcessful relationship.
If you decide that you'd be better off if you break it off, I suggest that you take some time to heal, and then take stock of your life. Write a list of things you want in a mate, and rate their importance. Know what your deal-breakers are.
If you decide to attempt to salvage your relationship, I suggest you urge her to seek out professional help. Sometimes women who are abused act out in odd ways (like the diary thing).
On the whole though, it sounds like your girlfriend is ill equiped to have a healthy relationship currently.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): What makes you think she WANTS to be treated better?
That's what her words say, but not her actions. Actions are what counts.
Nice guys finish last.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): Don't let her treat you like that.
Let her know that you won't put up with it -- respect yourself.
I would guess that she was probably abused as a child.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): I would be gone in a heartbeat my friend. She's still hung up on her ex, otherwise she wouldn't call him and talk about how good he was in bed. She sounds like a manipulator to me. She is dictating what you can and cannot do, while doing whatever she pleases herself. When you protest, she knows you'll back down if she shows anger. That's how she's controlling you. Do you know for a fact this ex was abusive? Maybe he simply got wise and kicked her to the curb. Red flags should be going off in your head.
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