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Why does my husband need to chat with other women when he has me??

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 March 2011) 9 Answers - (Newest, 27 April 2011)
A female Malaysia age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My husband has a close conversation chatting with other women through facebook, and after I knew about this, I told him to stop. He has opened another account, but I still had a feeling he still can have other alternatives to contact the women. Before this I never had doubt on our relationship, but now I have lost the trust. What should I do?

Why he need to call other women "my dear and give flying kiss"? He told me he knows the limitation, but I feel he should not start to have close conversation first of all. If he really needs someone to talk, I always be there, why he prefer chat with somebody else but not me?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (27 April 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntmy soon to be ex husband did this all through our marriage.

it was because he has no self-esteem and he needed the ego boost.

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A female reader, Just simply me United States +, writes (25 April 2011):

Ooohhh my goodness!!! There is no way on Gods Green Earth I'd be with a man who does these things!

Staying the night with his female best friend! Over my dead body! Sweetie y'all r married! The only woman he should be spending his nights with is You!! his wife! If it's not his Mamma nor his Sister!

And texting like that to and from other females! It's not right ! Not one bit!! What would he do if you spent the night with a male best friend!!? And what if he found text messages from other men in that manner?

I'm sure the tables would be flipped up side down for sure then! As they should be!!

Because this is not a normal marriage! Sweetie you need to protect yourself! And it looks like in more ways than one! YoU deserve better! Don't stand for this treatment!

Life is to short! And tomorrow isn't promised to anyone one! So you should be enjoying life with your husband and your husband should be enjoying life with you! His wife! Not other women.

I wish the best to you and your situation! And just know you have someone here to listen;) best wishes;)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011):

My husband flirts too, and I understand that it drives you INSANE.

To the point where you go through his cell phone when he's not looking, hacking any accounts of his that you can and just questioning everything he does when he leaves the house.

Thats where I'm at right now, it's where I've been for months. Not even a month after we were married I found text messages to and from 3 different girls talking "dirty", there was no evidence of them actually meeting up and having sex, but they continuously talked about it. He said he did it because he has a need for attention from other women because he has low self esteem.

I told him that I did not want him talking to any of those females again. I'm fairly sure he did it behind my back anyway.

I even messaged one of them on facebook and I told her not to talk to him again. Being nosy, I got into his email that shows who sends messages to you on facebook, and found one from her.

All it said was "you never text back" so now I'm positive that he's talking to her. I went through his phone the other day and found evidence that he was actually hanging out with her also. I've been stewing over what to do about it and I really cant think of anything that will matter to him.

An option is leaving him, but I don't want to leave him, I may need to but I don't want to.

He also has a female "best friend" who he hangs out with and stays the night with. Not so often anymore, but until recently they were texting each other non stop.

I also went through his phone when that was happening but didn't find anything of consequence.

I wish I could give you an answer on why he does it, or what you can do about it, but I'm as clueless as you are. This is a puzzling question for all.

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A female reader, Just simply me United States +, writes (14 March 2011):

Wow sweetie , that really sucks. I'm sorry! To be honest I'm really not buying her Lil story much about not adding strangers! And I feel if she's been chatting with Ur husband ! Then u should be no stranger to her! Which in my mind would piss me off even more due to the fact now I'd feel even more that they.., or at least she seemed to have something to hide! Because , when a married person speaks to another person in general.., they usually.., talk about their own life as well! As listening to the other person! And I'm sure he spoke about u! At least from time to time I would think being that u r his wife! So.., how does she feel u r a stranger..? And like I said.., if your a stranger .., well then so is she!!? So why does she feel its ok to be having conversations with a strangers husband!!?? And telling him good night! Maybe.., that's y she's no longer in her marriage to begin with!

And furthermore.., I'm sorry sweetie! But.., I do not think it's healthy or normal for ur husband to actually be encouraging u to go chat with other men! Idk.., maybe I'm wrong about that! But.., it's just how I feel.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011):

I have used back my husband old fb account to get the answer from the women who chat with. And the answer that I get is she just want to expressed her feelings due to her broken marriage recently but there is one doubt about her is why she pick my husband to chat with despite she refused to add me in her friend list after I have offer to add me in her fb account. The answer she gave that she will not add any stranger in her account but how come she can easily chat with unknown men and not women.

Furthermore, now my husband asked me to find men to chat back to show that he is not going to be like what I am now.Actually having friends in fb is not an issues, the issues here is why my husband need to daily chat till sent message which contains with flying kiss and called them as "take good rest my dear,good night sleep well and sweet dreams, :-*"

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A female reader, Just simply me United States +, writes (13 March 2011):

I guess to try and understand how men think! I'm sure that's a losing battle all on it's own! ;) I'm sure men feel the same about women as well. But.., my thing Is .., I know what I'm doing all the time! And the boundaries that I'd never cross because I am married to my husband! And so in love with him. And just hope and pray that he hasn't and will never cross them if a chance were there. I feel him speaking and having coversations with other women r nothing but trouble!! Some women are evil! And some love the challenge of knowing a married man has any interest in them. Then they see how far he'd go with them. And most of the time.., those other women really don't even have true interest in our husbands! It just is some sorta rush for them. But the only ones that will truly suffer is us as wives! I only wish men could understand this! And of course conversations with other women are interesting! They know nothing about one another. Or the true people they really both are. And those other women don't have the responibilities we as their wives have. If we didn't have so many stresses from our everyday lives.., we could also be interesting again!

Bottom line I feel he married me! If he needs to have a heart to heart with the opposite sex . And it's not with a female family member.., I feel I should be his pick! After all.., didn't our hearts combine as one!!??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011):

In this case it depends on the nature of the conversation. If it is an old friend from school or a friend of the family and they are just discussing something neutral then there shouldn't be a problem. But when secrecy is involved it get s a little harder. Why don't you talk to him and tell him you are married and you do not appreciate his need to chat and flirt with other females online. In my opinion its on thing to chat to a friend whos a girl, but its another thing to flirt with a girl online when your already involved, computer or not its still a gateway to cheating in my opinion. Talk about it and find out more, if hes making the effort to talk to these other women then you know what to do.

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A female reader, Just simply me United States +, writes (12 March 2011):

I'm probibly not the right person to answering this question. Or perhaps even responding to it to begin with.

I'm just happy to see someone else has my same outlook and feelings on this subject!

Although.., my husband no longer talks to or has conversations with other women on fb anymore. It still makes me wonder from time to time what all they could of talked about or perhaps wanted to talk about. Without me knowing. I trust my husband! And I'm so in love with him! That I strongly believe that sometimes most of my jealousy simply becomes the fear of loosing him!

But.., when Rolls are reversed he surely doesn't want me to have conversations or communication with other men either.

How about in your situation? Is that the same as well?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011):

I feel for you. My husband does the same thing. He has 110 female friends on his facebook account. I deleted him as my facebook friend. When he writes on facebook there is never a mention of we only he. He wants the women to think he is single. He dosen't go out. He is always home but he starves for attention from other women. I am waiting for answers on your post it will help me also. He has also joined the ap Y are you interested.

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