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Why does my boyfriend's friend do that? Am I overreacting?

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Question - (27 January 2014) 8 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Why does my boyfriend's friend do that? Am I overreacting?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6months now. He seems crazy about me and I'm into him too. Hes really sweet and very nice. All my friends and family likes him and his friends likes me too but one of his single guy friend has being sending my boyfriend pictures of nude girls and their really intimate parts.

I was on the phone to him and he sent her one with a girl on a bed with her legs spread out and her intimate parts were on show. I asked my bf to forward me the picture and he did.

I felt really uncomfortable! He said he likes how she's shaved her pubes. Wtf?

Seriously am I being being secure here?

I'm 24 and they're both 26

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014):

Sounds like your boy friends friend is jealous of your relationship so he is stirring up trouble. 'If you were single like me this is what you would get every night of the week instead of being stuck with a girlfriend!' is what he is saying. I doubt if he is getting 'it' at all!

Nothing against you personally he is just immature and jealous of your boyfriends relationship with you, perhaps he feels you have replaced him in your boyfriends life.

At least he did not try to hide the photo so tell your boyfriend how much he means to you but how you feel and get him to have a word with his friend not to be so immature and not send any more pics.

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (28 January 2014):

llifton agony auntIt's tasteless and disrespectful. I don't think it means he will cheat or anything like that. But it's not cool.

You aren't in the wrong for how you feel. I would be offended if the same was taking place in my relationship. It's just rude. And then to make comments about liking her pubic hair? Once again, pretty disrespectful.

To me, when I'm in a committed relationship, I want the person I'm with to know that I'm not drooling over any others in a sexual way. In fact, if I think my partner may perceive that I would think a particular person in public is attractive, I make a point to look the complete opposite direction. I don't even want to give off the slightest indication that I'm checking other people out. to me, that's just respect. And I expect the same respect, to a degree, to be given back to me in return. As I said, it's just basic respect for your partner.

Anyway, I highly doubt your bf would like it if your friends sent you pics of dudes with big dicks. I feel certain of that. It's just not relationship etiquette. Lol.

You're not in the wrong.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 January 2014):

Honeypie agony aunt26? That's sad.

And I think the attempt of "hinting" how he would like for YOU to shave YOUR privates is even more sad.

Was this a random chick or a girl the other guy knows? Because if it was the latter HOW long til your BF is sharing pics of you with them?

And the picture was not about shaving/waxing.. it was just downright inappropriate and immature.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014):

Some guys do that it's no different than women sharing pictures of Drake or Ryan Gosling topless yet somehow we're the only ones immature when we do it? Nice double standard there.

OP just make it known how uncomfortable it makes you and he'll probably ask his friend to stop.

Also let your boyfriend know he's not to talk about other women's private parts or comment on other women at all because it's just not what you're into.

My wife sends me pics like that all time, her fantasy is African guys with huge penises so I send her pictures of those. Any particularly beautiful vaginas or weird of odd shaped penises we'll share because we find that kind of thing fun. If we're immature then I'd rather not be a patronising holier than thou adult.

Just set your boundaries with him, getting nude pics from his friend will definitely not be more important than your comfort and he will ask him to stop, it's that simple.

Read anything you want into pubes comment, I don't think it has the negative hidden meaning that the other aunts do at all. Not everything we say about women is a reflection of our partner OP.

Oh and the easiest way to lose a guy is to threaten to dump him if you don't get what you want. You either want him to do it because he knows it matters to you or because you threatened him? Choose wisely, get rid of them or you're dumped is not the best way to approach this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014):

They are 26 going on 13! This is normal "behind-the-bike-shed" behaviour for 13-yr-olds, but not for grown men who should have learned a little more respect by now. You have a choice:

(1) Teach him how to be an adult. Tell him you don't like it and it makes you uncomfortable and if he and his friend persist then you'll dump him.

(2) I doubt the girl had "shaved" her pubes so you need to explain waxing to him, then book him an appointment with your local beauty salon. Tell him you'll do yours if he does his first.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014):

That is totally inappropriate... I would probably leave my fiance if he allowed his friends to do that... Nothing to do w age Im also 24, and my fiance just turned 27, and he wouldnt be too happy if his friends sent him pics , because its disrespectful to me. I think hes immature and probably very caught up in porn... Porn is one thing, but Ive had ex's that were porn addicts and have known a sex addict so its nothing I tolerate personally. (Not sayi

ng its wrong, justbthat thete is a time and a place, and I dont think its his friends place to be sending him pictures like that)

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A male reader, DragonMan United Kingdom +, writes (27 January 2014):

DragonMan agony auntGreetings,

Something tells me this is about maturity.

Now I cannot comment on your relationship as you haven't told me much about this so going from what I have read I will say this.

Many guys find it hard to grow up, yes, this coming from a guy is strange but I realize a fault in male growing up.

Only 6 months and he and his friend are sharing intimate pictures of other girls? I'd be wary, wary but not worried. Give him a month more to get this out of his system and then tell him how you feel.

If he doesn't get the hint then you must decide for yourself the next step.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014):

That is really immature on his friends part and it sounds like he doesn't mind the pictures. Him making mention of how she shaves her pubes is probably an indirect way of telling you he wants YOU to do it that way. Of course, it would be much better if he asked you in person to shave and while you don't have to do that, it does make it more pleasant to go down on you when you do. You can't control what his friend does and you can't control whether or not he wants the pictures, but I think he's being pretty rude about it. I would tell him you're uncomfortable and that you don't like him looking at pics and comparing you to them.

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