A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:[Mod Note: 2 posts have been combined into 1]my gf has been blowing hot and cold never letting go of her past. (i was her rebound) which over the time we were together i came to realize. She has lied to me about contact with her ex several times i have lived with her for nine months during that time i have resolved her finance issues, looked after her and loved her. Despite her lies i kept forgiving her doing everything i could in the hopes that she would love me back when her life was sorted. Now legal issues etc were all finished last week and now she has told me she is moving out tomorrow. Telling me that she wants to live else where now to sort herself. After all i have been through with her i have been very down. My parents want me to cut her off completely. I have not let her see how much she has upset me especially when i found she is moving to a friend of her ex. She says she is wanting to leave a few clothes at mine and stay over with me. she also does not want her friends or family to know she has moved out. What do i do?I seem to attract these types of women with problem, then resolve their problems/sort their lives out, they get back on their feet and then the relationship ends. All i want is a loving relationship that will last, i want to give my love and Actually have someone love me in return. Please help me my latest relationship has just ended i sorted all her problems and there were a lot! I have given her eight months of my life and love and Im left used with nothing. All advice appreciated.
View related questions:
her ex, her past, moved out, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou everyone for your input. I will be following the advise you were all so kind to provide.
Followtheblackrabbit the tips etc would be greatly appreciated if possible.
Odds i feel like what you say also prob rings true with me to a certain extent.
She is on her way over to collect all her stuff i will try to make sure everything goes. Its funny Im even helping her move out though that is simply as i wish to see this through to the end. Even though she has not treated me well i dont wish her bad. its time to both part nicely and move on with our lives.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 The minute you let someone walk all over you, they lose all respect for you. Respect is vital in any relationship. Why would this girl, or any other, bother to treat you well if you take them back after they lie, or let them see their ex while they live with you? You aren't giving them any incentive to be good to you.
If you haven't been lucky in love your whole life, it's easy to see a woman's affection as a scarce resource, something to be treasured and cared for no matter the price. This is wrong, for two reasons. One, no girl is more valuable than your self-respect. Two, because women actually are repulsed by men who allow others to walk all over them. When you let her treat you this way, she stops caring about your feelings.
Your last paragraph reeks of desperation and loneliness. I understand how rough it can be to feel alone, to want someone else's validation. But you need to learn to be comfortable as a single guy. Learn to love and respect yourself. Women can smell desperation, and it turns them off. They hate it, and for good reason. Paradoxically, you will have happier, longer-lasting relationships if you are willing to walk away from bad ones.
Stop giving your heart to a girl just because she gives you a little affection. Start looking for a girl who deserves your heart, and who will treat it well. It's your job to decide if she is worth it, not the other way around.
...............................
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 You sound like a great young man and believe me when I say it's them, not you. You have a kind nature and they took advantage. So, the advice I'm giving you might be tough to follow but please try: do NOT let her keep stuff at your place, that gives her an excuse to come back if things don't work. Tell her sorry but you're moving on and don't need another woman seeing her things there. As for her staying there, NO. If she refuses to listen, change the locks and mail her things to her new address. Harsh but necessary, you don't need or deserve a leech. You've done a lot for her, there's nothing you owe. Stay single for a bit but in that time, think of the attributes you want in your dream woman so when you date again, you can dismiss the girls who aren't what you're looking for or who raise red flags. Look for women who can stand on their own, who need nothing but love from you. If you'd like, I can give you a few tips on how to find them and weed out the users. Best of luck, hon
...............................
A
female
reader, Star xxx +, writes (17 June 2011):
 As hard as it may sound, it seems very much like she has used you to get back on her feet.
Unfortunately some people in life are like that after all they
can get.
As for her leaving stuff at your place in her mind I guess she will always have backup if things dont work out at that other place.
Make the split final and shift all belongings out dont be a doormat anymore.
Take care xx
...............................
|
