A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why do people at work bully other people? I have a close relation with someone at work. I am at a managerial position and she is at Junior level. This girl is good at her job but still her manager has an issue with my friendship with her. She creates lots of issues related to breaks and stuff.Now my friend has stopped talking to me at work. Since she is a junior, she is getting pressurised as she is not in a position to fight back. I feel like because of all this, i am losing my friend. What do i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2019): To other aunts,
I think the OP is using words that we commonly and loosely use in India. Bullying and taunting are words that can be used just like that sometimes to show your displeasure.
The OP is very displeased and is most likely using those words to show her exasperation on this other manager's behaviour. Much like how some people say "I'm so depressed" when they're sad for 5 whole minutes.- My own interpretation of the post. What she truly implies is there is politics going on. Another way of asking "Why is she being such a pain in the ass or why is she being a bitch?"
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2019): hi,I'm Indian and have a few years' work exp. I do think her boss is being unreasonable. She's not exactly 'bullying'. I believe this manager is trying to establish her position and power on the junior. Sometimes managers feel it is part of their job to keep their subordinates in their control and establish the fact that "look, I'm the boss and you are to follow my orders."She may also be insecure that the junior is going to be more of your subordinate than hers. It just seems to be the other manager's personality unlike what you believe, possibly. Anyways, I think it is upto the junior to decide what to do, if she wants to stay in the job and adjust or complain to a higher authority. Be warned that this is her profession so you shouldn't really be getting involved in this IMO. She will decide whom she wants to please or maintain relationship with. I think you should let it be. This girl isn't so helpless that you have to stand for her. It sounds like she has made a decision to listen to her boss and that's ticked you off. You're now whining about the other manager and trying to turn the whole thing around. There's no bullying as such, bullying is a much stronger situation with harassment and abuse. So I'd say don't try to control the whole situation, you might be getting into someone else's space and boundary by doing that simply because this is a different team/department altogether. Your relationship with her is personal and her relationship with her manager is professional. Better let these two relationships stay independent, don't mix them up!Sooner or later when your friend figures out a way to deal with her manager without affecting her job, you may see more of her.If you are so close, why not find time outside work to hangout? After work or at weekends? Sometimes it is good for a team member to spend time and be connected to their own team members and bond with them. Probably the other manager feels that her team should develop a bond. Nothing wrong in that. People have their own management styles.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 January 2019):
 "I am at a managerial position and she is at Junior level ". There you have it. Most corporate environments frown upon or actively discourage closeness ( not being pleasant or being civil ) such as the one you were developing with this girl, precisely because of your different roles and the tons of negative workplace dynamics this kind of bond may create in the workplace , such as those mentioned by Code Warrior, and more.
You can be best buddies with a colleague- after work . On your our time , and out of the company's premises. It's just more appropriate , and it makes for a better work environment.
I'd hesitate in calling " bullying " what this other manager is doing. It's probable that she was just using her experience and common sense to ADVISE a younger colleague in order to avoid her a faux-pas which could cost her in terms of career and professional reputation. We can call it " pressure ", or we can call it an eye-opener. Maybe the Junior employee' had not realized yet what's appropriate ( or advisable, if she does not want to stay a Junior employee forever... )and what's less appropriate in your workplace.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Wise OwlE- Totally agree. Her boss doesnt like Me and sincs i am a manager, they cant do anything to me so they are troubling her. Now i did raise concern to my VP and since she is from US she will need time to understand Indian culture. This is one bad thing about indian culture.Female bosses tend to be more interested in Politics than actual Work.
My friend right is not in position to fight back. So she is backing away from me. I understood and keeping my distance but she doesnt want to keep it outside too. She is going through some personal stuffs and she has completely cut me out. I get no replies to my texts or calls outside office.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@code Warrior - Agreed. And yes i know of my friend's breaks. We both are thorough professionals and we dont compromise on work. No exggaration here but i know that she is getting her work done. And her manager has problem only with Me. There are lot of examples. But anyways You probably wont understand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2019): It is very difficult to advise people in the Indian culture; because so much is not legally protected regarding basic civil and human-rights. Many things occur and people will simply look the other way; and matters of abuse or mistreatment will go totally ignored depending on gender, wealth, your skin-color, or social status.
We in the US have a problem with that too! We can do more about it.
Unless there is a major shift in politics regarding worker's rights, and basic civil-rights; by and large, the people or your society polices themselves. You depend on human-decency and the compassion of conscientious people to compensate for where the law is indecisive or unenforced; depending on who happens to be the victim.
No matter what part of the world you're in; you cannot conduct your work-life like your personal-life. There are a different set of rules regarding workplace behavior; and your social-life. Working is the only reason we're at work. Not to socialize. We can have a team-spirit, be cordial, and enjoy being co-workers. Being mindful you're on the clock!
We have these well-paid hi-technology companies that offer these ridiculous work-environments that look like adult kindergartens and playrooms. Now there's a major class-action suit pending for sexual-harassment, and job-discrimination at a major internationally-known corporation. It was too casual and too loose. You can't trust people to behave without rules of conduct, and somebody has to enforce them.
The jackasses ruin it for everybody! The bosses forget they're not dictators without limitations to their powers.
The clowns don't know when they've gone too far! People drag their politics to work.
Even here in the United States, people think being crass, obnoxious, and cruel is okay. They use the freedom of speech as a way to injure those who can't defend themselves. We do have laws that protect people from discrimination, sexual-harassment, bullying, and hostile work-environment. Sometimes people will standup for each other. Generally, people are good, and won't abide with injustice.
These rules, codes, and laws I speak of were only established; because of labor unions and living in a very litigious society. People won't stand for it; and will lawyer-up! We will elect officials to pass legislation to protect us. We protest! Only now, it seems, anybody can get elected; no matter how detestable they are. We still have the law, for now. We still lookout for those who can't defend themselves. We also take personal-responsibility.
I'd say, professionalism is limited in your workplace; and and rudeness is tolerated according to the pecking-order and your place on the food-chain. You're hesitant to say anything or defend her; although you see the injustice. Why? Because you're protecting yourself. You know what you know, and do nothing about it.
I suggest you keep your distance and stay more polite-professional. Courteous but aloft. It is apparent your work-place has its own "cast system" and doesn't recognize friendly-contact between people of different levels of management. You want her to be okay; then maybe you should speak-up, or step aside. Save your socializing for after-work; and far from its location. They don't like fraternizing, or they don't like her. It's between her and her boss, and what she'll put-up with.
She must decide if it's the right place to work; or find a work-environment that is more structured, modern, ethical, and considerate of their workers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Code Warrior - we used to take hardly 30 mins break in the entire shift of 9 hours. So you are telling that she is not even allowed for a 30 mins break? And her manager has time and again taunted her saying you should not get close to other managers or why are you hanging out with that person etc. This is nothing but controlling others personal life. i agree that we are there to work but everone is entitled to have atleast 30 mins of break time and sorry to say Manager or not, no one can dictate your personal break time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 January 2019):
 I agree with Code Warrior,
You are NOT at work to socialize, you are employed and PAID to work.
Making friends is great, but hang out AFTER work. HER manager has every right to decide when this junior employee gets her breaks, and give her a telling off if she is more focused on hanging out with you. SHE is there to work too.
You being a manager should know this and know better.
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