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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello, I wrote this last night:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-hate-to-think-that-a-anorexic-fake.htmlBasically, I was saying that guys (and my boyfriend especially) say that women in the media and strip clubs are hotter than us normal girls. That i'ts the ideal and blah blah.People answered and guys said that yes they're the ideal but that men want real women to be with.Ok, the question now is, why do they say they want real women if they fantasize and desire "fake" girls, if it's the ideal woman then they should want to be with them right? Otherwise they wouldn't fantasize and go gaga over them... Why do they want real women then? It's not like the girls in the media aren't people, they're just like you and me, only apparently hotter, so I don't think they want real women for their personalites.Now, I can't relate because I hate the fake look of guys in the media, doesn't turn me on at all and some even gross me out. I also don't like huge penises. I really hate the male stereotype in the media, I don't get why some women ogle such things, but I don't. So yeah, I can't relate, so don't tell me "It's just the same as when you see a hot actor on screen", well, now, because I don't ever compare my bf and also because I have yet to find someone who measures up to him. Natural is great, fake sucks! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hasanswers123  +, writes (26 July 2008):
I hear what your saying. It's a construction of reality. We as women are expected to look a certain way or are socially outcast. For example those girls in school who didn't wear make-up or care too much about what they looked like were the girls who didn't have any friends. When your boyfriend or men in general fantasize about women in magazines it makes you feel inadequate, like you don't measure up. They don't seem to understand that celebrities look the way they do because they have money. If you were a billionaire you would look good too. A celebrity flew down here recently promoting a movie and after a 12 hour flight stepped off the plane looking stunning she was asked in an interview how she managed to look so good and she said money and my beauty team who follow me everywhere i go. I don't see how a man can fantasize about a touched up picture of a woman they don't know and have never seen over their own girlfriend, someone they do know inside and out. My boyfriend had posters of half naked women up everywhere, brought the magazines every month religiously, would point to pictures of girls in magazines and say if i looked like that he'd be happy, took me out to the movies and said he couldn't wait to see this movie because the sexiest woman alive was in it not to mention how he's speak with his mates. I decided i'd pose for a magazine to show him I was just as good and I started buying magazines full of eligible bachelors, talk to him about one in particular all the time and told him if he looked like that then i'd be happy. It took two weeks before he broke down in tears yelling at me etc etc. he has since taken down every poster does no longer buy those magazines and fully understands how i felt. he even said he didn't find them attractive but felt he had to buy those magazines and like celebrities. It's just a construction of reality.
A
male
reader, Jamer70  +, writes (26 July 2008):
 You know it annoys me when (some) women group men as if we can all be described under one paragraph and you got all 3 billion of us down to a t.
i read your first question and didnt bother commenting but dont blame all us men for your bf faults and your own personal insecurities. You said you feel you need to compete why? I know girls who Fancy C Ronaldo and Wentworth Miller, but do i go to the gym to compete with them? No i dont, why because i dont have to!
Women in the Media are usually fantasies for men, we think of them for 5 mins a day then move on as if it didnt happen, they dont stay in our minds all day and we (me) certainly would date most celebs or porn stars, (bar Jennifer love hewitt).
So your bf may fantasise about one girl, big deal everyone has their fantasies, and yours may not be brad Pitt but you do have an ideal man if you search your soul.
As for female anon i dont think anyone i know would want their wife looking like a porn star, a lot of men like real woman doesnt mean they have to be on our minds all day, people have fantasies and have every right to dream about them. Now why you feel the need to compete with them is beyond me and your own issue, and your bf is an ass but dont lump men together we may have some simple thoughts but were not all the same
as lazy guy said their are a lot of different porn mags abit like men
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): I don't know which guys you hang out with. None of the guys I know fancy the fake looking porn stars. Sure they think they are good to jack off to but all the guys I know, including my boyfriend, hate girls who do things like cake on their make up to look artificial. However, I have noticed in different countries, ones which are more heavily media influenced, such artificial looking women are more desired. People become increasingly exposed to a certain image until that become the desireable norm. It's sort of like how most men expect women to be well groomed down there nowadays, another effect of porn on the image and standard that women should uphold.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): I think the moment you meet a suitable partner, there will be chemistry. I find sometimes that the hottest guys can leave me cold and bore me to death. So I think that is what most men mean when talking about real women. Yes the girl in the magazine looks nice, but maybe, the moment when he meets her the chemistry will not be there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): I love my husband that doesn't mean I've never fantasized about Brad pitt. That's just it fantasies aren't supposed to mean anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): lazyguys wrong, there may be thousands of porn mags but the vast majority of them the women look VERY similar...I have rarely seen stretch marks(at least not the number most moms have) , sags and cellulite on the women in porn...they are nearly always young slim, flawless, heavily made up...if you want something that looks like the average wife and mom you need to look in either fetish or amatuer stuff (as if real women are some kind of freaks) ...she has a point...if men wanted real looking women then all the porn stars would look like the average girl walking down the street....the thousands of testimonies of women who feel they look nothing like the porn stars says something...also the many men who complain that their wives don't look like porn stars says a lot about our society,,,to the op...sorry, wish I could say your wrong and that most men arn't like this but when I walk into the newshop nearly all the women fit a 'porn star look'...I guess all you can do is be happy with yourself and keep this stuff out of your life as much as possible
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 They desire "normal" women because they're more aproachable than "fake" women (as how you call it).
Now let's try to relate you to this. Let's say you really wish for something. Like a pair of expensive shoes/clothes that you REALLY wanted but you go for the cheaper, more aproachable boots and you realize you like them as much. Another way to relate is this. Let's say you would want to win $1,000,000, but you only won $10,000. Even though you wished for the bigger money, you're still happy you got a lot.
Now I agree with LazyGuy. Stop lumping all men into the same stereotype just because your guy failed on you. Seriously, what's so wrong about wanting to go for a celebrity? That doesn't mean that they would really go for them! It's just FANTASIZING, "fake-reality", something not true.
Not all men are the same as not all women are the same. I could go on about saying how all women nag so much about men, but I know this isn't really true and my comments would sound more like a cry for help than to make people "see" things.
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A
female
reader, mamasaidknockyouout +, writes (25 July 2008):
cool. cool opinion, man. I don't understand why you're continuing with the dilemma. its just the media. and if you haven't noticed, not al stars are the ideal beauty queen or the handsome prince. you sound so one-sided. some guys are attracted to that sexually but of course they prefer a real person to have a relationship. guys have certain things that turn them on. some guys even like overweight people. some guys have 'strange' fetish. I agree that you shouldn't stereotype all guys into one catergory. this is getting old.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 July 2008):
You basically just asked the same question. I don't know why you think you're going to get different answers. If you don't like the answers you received in your first post, then maybe you should really think for yourself. You shouldn't keep posting the same question over and over again until you get an answer you want to hear.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Question to you, why do women say they want nice guys that respect them but date the assholes? Mmm?
If all men were the same there would be only one nudie-mag. Instead there are hundreds each catering to their market with its own tastes. Stop trying to put all men into one group but most of all stop blaming all men for the failings of your boyfriend.
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