A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What is it with men who act way too familiar with you on the first few dates?? I've gone out with a few men who act like were already married on a first date. I say that because people will ask how long we've known each other and I'll say " 2 days" and they thought it was two years!! Are these guys unhealthy? Is it normal these days? What gives? Don't they lose interest faster too? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 November 2011):
 Ah, I understand. I hope?
You mean when a guy starts assuming you will go along with his plans. Assumes you will be happy to allow him to decide what you, as one half of a couple will want (It's patronising if he does that).
And just doing things the way he always has (boring) and assuming that this is the ONLY way to do it.
And thinking he knows the things that are most important to me when he knows nothing of the kind.
I thought I was letting one guy know he could do his thing when I said I was going to the lingerie area for an hour and I'd meet him in an hour. This was a few years ago. I'd met him at a reunion of friends. But no, he wanted to accompany me to the lingerie area. And then he proceeded to make comments to the girls serving behind the counter and about what I was buying.
I was so embarrassed. He last les than a week in my life before I dumped him, because he assumed too much. And his over-familiarity was over the top.
And I recall a guy who informed me : "I know what you want!" With a wink and a nudge.
So I told him, "since you have known me less than 30 minutes, I can assure you that you do not know what I want".
I think such guys lack empathy and consideration. They are Neanderthal. Their Emotional Intelligence must be so sub-zero.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): I'm not talking physically here...more so in the words and plans. Answered #1 you got it!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 Unhealthy. And yes, they tend to loose interest fast as well. Imagine, if it took them two days to get hooked on you, it'll take them two days to get hooked on someone else too.
People need to take it slow when entering a relationship and actually get to know the other person. I can't stand it when a man acts all familiar with me, saying how much he enjoys my company or me as a person, when he doesn't know me at all. It's annoying, and irritating. It's like they've just decided that "this is how I like you to be" and you need to stick to their idea of you otherwise they will drop you. You don't get to be yourself that way, because they "like" you before they even get to know you!
Easy come easy go. I think such behaviour reeks of desperation, personally. I don't meet with men like that for a second date. Last few dates I was on were both acting desperate, one talking about moving in together (on the first date!) and the other kissing my cheek and making hints about me celebrating Christmas with him and his family, on date one.. also wanted to hold my hand while we walked to the bus. Yuck.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 November 2011):
He will always push the boundaries as far as a girl will allow. If the girl flinches, steps away, glares, removes his hand or says, "stop that!!" That is the signal to the guy that he has reached the boundary.
You will never lose a good guy by making your boundaries clear.
Whereas.....
If a girl gives out an embarrassed giggle, looks down as if she is too shy to stop him, freezes and feels she can do nothing, does not remove his hand, and does not say, "Stop!" then the guy will know he can escalate his attention to the next level. He may even enjoy a few assignations for sex with her before he moves on to his next challenge.
Then....
If the guy also adds in some suggestive comments and the girl gives him a look like she enjoys him commenting on her, "nice tits," and "sassy tight a^^e" then he will become bolder. More so if the girl returns with her own comments in the same vein. Then he may even consider her for a FWB arrangement while it suits him
But....
If the girl shows by her body language and maybe even a comment or two,indicating that she finds him embarrassing then the guy will know he has met a girl who will not tolerate such liberties. That tells the guy that he may need to change his tactics. And start to treat her more like a Lady and not his next Bed partner (At this point in time)
To win this girl he knows the girl will not tolerate his more smutty behavior.
Now if ALL he really wants is a Bed Partner and no more then he may lose interest in the girl. So if he is NOT looking for a relationship he will exit as he will know he is wasting his time.
But if the guy has been really looking for girl to invest more time and effort into creating a longer time relationship then the guy will consider that this girl may be worth the time to build a relationship.
The Power is with the girls. We set the boundaries and the guys then choose from what is made available, or not, (or made VERY very very available, wink wink, nudge nudge)
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