Why do I keep second guessing myself?

A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I had been in a long distance relationship for around a year (he lives around 4.5 hours away) and got engaged in December. We're planning on getting married this Sept and have booked the restaurant and told friends etc. We haven't yet decided where we'll end up living because at the moment he's not sure if his boss will let him work remotely. I haven't seen him since New Year's and I miss him a lot. He's supposed to be coming this weekend, but basically he said he has to have lunch with his parents on Sat and Sun, and then drive back up with his sister, which essentially means the only time we will have together is Saturday evening. I know he loves me, but sometimes I feel like I am not very high on his priority list...like I feel I don't really matter or am that important otherwise he would make the effort to see me more often. Yes, I know he was sick and busy with work, but even still, then why can't he spend more time with me this weekend? Sometimes I am really scared that I am not ready to be married, that I won't know how to deal with feeling this way. I feel really angry at him sometimes, like I feel he doesn't treasure/appreciate me and takes me for granted and that I dont' matter. I told him this once, and he said he knows this will happen time and again and that he doesn't know how to handle it any better. He said he expects when we get married, it will be an emotional ride with happiness, sadness, uncertainty, challenges, etc - right now I don't feel very happy when he's not here and I feel neglected. And I'm going to miss my parents when I get married...sometimes I wonder if we should postpone it to next year but I think it's too late now. I don't know if my uncertainty is because I don't feel loved from time to time, or some other reason. I brought this up with him at the beginning of the month, and he said we could wait, but that this isn't a trivial decision, and that if we make it too late, there's no turning back. After that, it didn't come up again. He said that for him, once he makes a decision, he sticks to it. I know my parents didn't want me to get married this year, so when I think of that, I feel like crying cuz I know they don't want me to leave. And then I feel horrible because then I'm wondering, is this guy really worth it? My mom said she feels like I love him more than I love her and my dad. I keep thinking about this back and forth - essentially whenever I'm unhappy, I second guess myself and wonder if I made the right decision in deciding to get married with him this Sept. I already bought the wedding dress and the evening gown and paid the deposit for the makeup/hair. I don't know what I should do. I know I'm not the greatest either - I get upset easily and can be rather impatient. But this is a big decision and I keep wondering if I made the right decision.

View related questions: engaged, long distance, wedding

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A male reader, chlez83  +, writes (30 January 2008):

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