A
female
age
30-35,
*atherinest
writes:I'm a 19 year old girl and came out of a 2 and half year relationship in about May of this year. The other night I spent the night with a guy I have known about a week, he is a friend of a friend. We get on really well and he's great and good looking too. We had sex in the morning and it was great! We're both single and had good fun. I'm moving away very soon so nothing serious could come of it so there was no pressure. But I feel so guilty. I can't get it off my mind and I feel awful. Why? And how can I stop thinking like this? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Shannon Williams  +, writes (11 September 2009):
 I think it was right for you to have sex then, you felt like it and you're not in a relationship so what's the point in getting so nervous after it, if you had safe sex then it's ok, maybe what happens is you just notice you prefer to have a long term relationship and maybe it was good step to find out and stuff, I would never recomend you to sleep around all the time but I don't think it is that mean that you do it one time or whenever you really think it's ok, practising safe sex with people you knoW, most guys do it all the time and even feel proud so be a little feminist and just forget about it and forgive yourself, you did nothing wrong ok??
I hope this helps
xxoo
A
female
reader, Shannon Williams +, writes (11 September 2009):
I think it was right for you to have sex then, you felt like it and you're not in a relationship so what's the point in getting so nervous after it, if you had safe sex then it's ok, maybe what happens is you just notice you prefer to have a long term relationship and maybe it was good step to find out and stuff, I would never recomend you to sleep around all the time but I don't think it is that mean that you do it one time or whenever you really think it's ok, practising safe sex with people you knoW, most guys do it all the time and even feel proud so be a little feminist and just forget about it and forgve yourself, you did nothing wrong ok??
I hope this helps
xxoo
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): First, I think the advice to examine these feelings is good. Note because you've done something wrong, but becasue you have the feelings. Stuffing them will train you to ignore them, which in the long run is very harmful.You need to feel them, and then ask yourself "why, if I as an adult, had a night of good clean sex do I feel guilty?". Odds are good it stired up some old stuff (untruths) you were told as a kid - "nice girls don't", or "only sl*ts do that"... Well nice girls DO that... you didn't hurt anyone, and as long as your responsible you have a right to share your body as you see fit. If your honest with your partner, protect yourself, don't hurt others... you're side of teh street is CLEAN and you have nothing to feel shame over. This is why it's important not to stuff these feelings... you'll reinforce that something's wrong with you!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009):
You didnt give us much details to go on. But the guilt should be telling you something.
If someone wrote in and "said I get a really full bloated feeling after scarfing down a lot of pizza" or "I dont know whats going on but at 2 or 3 am I get really tired and sleepy" you know what you'd say- duh! your body feels that way because its telling you something. Dont eat that much and get to bed!
Same thing with the guilt- your body is trying to tell you something. Maybe your last relationship feels unresolved to you. Maybe your behavior is incompatible with the image you have of yourself.
Before you beatdown your feelings of guilt, deny them and try to ice them over, examine them for a while and see what they are telling you. Maybe its something that isnt useful to you, but may it is.
...............................
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (10 September 2009):
 I don't see anything harmful in enjoying good sex. I think you're feeling guilty about it not being emotionally based sex. I think it just filled a little void before you move away.
Try not to feel ashamed of yourself and don't judge yourself too harshly. Sometimes people just need to connect, even if its just casual sex. Its normal. Don't worry about it.
...............................
|
