A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel troubled. I can't seem to get attracted to men my own age or near it. I actually feel repulsed sometimes when they try and flirt with me. I try and feel something, anything but no go. I'd never go for someone twice my age or anything, but for some reason, I have to have at least a six years difference. Right now, Im seeing a man whose 34 and I'm not 20 yet... we have a lot in common and hes kind, but I can tell my mom is uncomfortable. I wish I could have dated younger just to stop the responses I get. But, ever since I was a little girl, I've never admired guys my age. Why? I don't get it... even mature young guys don't cut it for me. Please, some feedback? Anyone have experience with this? Thanks in advance :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): I am the EXACT same way! I have also tried to date several guys my own age but everytime I could never feel intimate feelings towards them on a more emotional level. At times I would often grow to feel repulsion towards the guy my own age. For whatever reason I've only been able to ever feel attracted to men much older than me (5-15 years). At first I also thought it may have been the 'maturity' factor, but like you said before that still doesnt cut it. One possibility could be the fatherly presence of an older man. I lost my dad when I was in pre-teens, and maybe the comfort of an older man could somehow subconsiouly be triggering some kind of attraction towards him. But if you have never had a lack of a fatherly presence in your life then you could simply be more attracted to men who are more experienced and mentally matured.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't thank you all for sharing your thoughts, experiences, and feelings with me. I was especially touched by Ms. Anonymous's story...I thought a lot about you said. I talked to my boyfriend last night and he saddened, not like him,he held me to him tightly and asked me if I was sure about him and said he was sorry if he had pressured or influenced me towards him. But, I looked at him, truly looked at him and realized that I cared for him, I love him. I know at first that he was infatuated with my youth, he didnt need to tell me that. Yet, he cares for me now. He told me he'd been thinking too and maybe, he should leave me to mature-be a friend only. He held me til I could sleep. The next morning, we looked at each other and just knew there was no ending it. But he begged I take time to think more, without his presence. I'm scared but I want to see where we go. Of course, I will not rush as advised :) Thanks again, I am grateful to you all. It's humbling that complete strangers should show me such care...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): well I identify with you but I am 73 and had a brief relationship with a man that was84 it was wonderful for about 3 mos. then he started to get dementia which leads to alshiemers. what a terrible thing to go thrugh I stayed with him until he died but for 1 year and a half he was in and out of being lucid one day he knew me and the next day he didn,t he was almost always in a depressed state of mind. so just be careful you want to grow old together not aloneby the tme you are 50 he will be sex is out of the picture now but most older men think they can still do what they could do when they were younger but the can,t its heartbreaking
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (18 August 2010):
Im 42, my gf is 34. Things couldnt be better.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Hi, I can certianly empathize with you. When I was a freshmen in high school, I dated the seniors. When I was in college, I dated the guys who had "real jobs". I've NEVER like guys my own age (I'm 31). My ex-fiancee was 50 and we had a very significant age difference. People would think he was my father... yikes! It didn't bother me, but it really told hold of him. My Dad was cool with it, but my Mom was not happy. The only thing I can say is try to stay within a happy medium (10 years) or so. The guy I'm with now is 9 years older than I am, and it's perfect. When you think about long-term, you dont' wanna be that girl changing his diapers and stuff, lol. You come to that realization after having been with him and his older habits for a few years. But you are young enough that you'll start to see major differences between guys your own age and older guys. Older guys got it going on. My advise is to not jump into any kind of crazy marraige until you are SUPER SUPER sure you are willing to handle the late life challenges that come with dating/marraige to an older man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, I really appreciate the insight...But to answer someone's question, this troubled me because I don't quite feel normal. To put it in the best way I can, it kind of bothered me that I wouldn't bat an eye if I saw the Jonas Brothers or Justin Bieber, but I'd melt if I saw Gerard Butler or something. It scares me to realize too, how attached I am to the man I'm seeing. And I feel as if the time we're spending together will be wasted because I haven't "started" my life yet.
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reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 What are you looking for in a man, in a relationship. And vice versa, what is a middle aged man looking for in a teenager?
You don't want to disappoint your mother... how about your father? Not around? Oh gosh, could it be that easy? looking for a father figure?
Understandable. But if you are looking for father figure, then what is he looking for? Daughter figure?
I think you are looking for guidance, maturity. But are looking for it in a man who is chasing school girls. Not going to find what you missing there.
That is the biggest problem with may-december relations. The two people might be looking for opposite things.
Something tells me, he is NOT the most mature guy out there. Else there is no way a young girl would appeal apart from the obvious reasons. Why is HE chasing you? Nearly twice your age. That ain't a gap. That is a canyon.
It might be nothing, but I smell trouble.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): Sweetie I wuldnt worry about it. We like what we like! I've dated guys in their 30s and I'm 20. I wish u best of luck but its gonna be hard to force yourself to like younger guys!
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 August 2010):
 That may just be your thing. While it is a bit unusual, that doesn't make it wrong. You're an adult now, and that makes a difference too. It's funny because a 5 year age gap when someone is 15 is too much, but a 15 year age gap when someone is 18 is acceptible. Guess that's the joy of legal adulthood though right?
While I prefer people around my own age, I don't see anything wrong if you like older guys. As long as your motivations are in the interest of a real relationship, that's all that matters.
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reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 That's because older men has experience, he has failed in relationships and he knows what works now. They are also better at expressing themselves. A younger guy doesn't have the same confidence and the answers you need. Girls also mature faster than guys. Please don't feel wrong about your preference for older guys. You would feel the age gap lessen when you are close to 30.
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