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Why do guys from council houses treat me so badly when I am nice to them?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 February 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 27 February 2010)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

there was lot of guys i have likes from council houses but they seem treated me very badly and i am nice to them i am not not from council house area.but they guys i have like are they insulted and be little treated me badly some don,t want even to be seen.why are they like to me.

i training in sport with them and went to school with them.is there some thing wrong with me that pick on me and bully me.or is it my back ground because i am from there area.i am shy and quiet person with very low self esteem and i am afraid of some of them.

[Moderator's Note: For readers not from the UK - council houses/estates are areas of housing provided by the government to people struggling financially. They are often places where the more unfortunate people in society end up hence they can sometimes have problems with crime, drugs etc]

View related questions: drugs, self esteem, shy

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (27 February 2010):

Miamine agony auntoh sorry.. seen the age thing.. these are grown men bothering you... they may possibly fancy you and don't know how to approach you. They may feel jealous of your sucess as they aint made much of their lives. Can't really understand your post.. how are they bullying you, they are grown men, don't they have anything better to do. If you know them, then call out their name and tell them to grow up and get on with their lives, cause they are too big to act like silly children.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (27 February 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntThere are the good, the bad and the ugly guys in every society. They are taking advantage of your kindness and being a woman .Avoid those lowlife creatures if you can .

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (27 February 2010):

Miamine agony auntHahahah.. as a person who has always lived in "council estates", I would suggest people who don't live in them have little idea about the people that live there.

On my estate we have all sorts, people who do crime, people who are teachers, people who are barristers, old people who don't work, retired actors, ex soldiers.. most people want to stay on the estate because it's where they grew up and is a real living breathing community.

Why do they pick on you, OP.. there are bullies everywhere in life. It's got nothing to do with living in a council house, as they also went to school with them. It would nice to be able to know your age as this makes a difference to what you can do and who you can turn to for support.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010):

Hi there. Unfortunately, what 'Faraday' says, does on the whole tend to be true! :( On the other hand there are a lot of decent council tenants. I was allocated a council house when I was 20 and had a baby. I wanted to rent or buy privately but my partner refused to work and insisted on getting a council house and I was pregnant and the only one working and he was refusing to work etc etc .. We split up 12 years ago! Luckily we got a nice house in a fairly decent part of a good area. I personally brought my daughters up alone in the house, kept the house nice, respected and looked after it, worked hard, did a law degree and a masters degree, always worked, including two jobs at times to make ends meet etc etc ... My daughters are at University and A Level college doing well. I have often been told that I am 'not a typical council tenant' and I must say I had an awful time with some of my neighbours, including noise nuisance and verbal abuse but then equally there are some very nice hard working families who lived in this particular row of houses too. Overall though I would still say be careful who you date and really check their values and their family values. I come from a very upper middle class family but I got with a guy who had different values and wanted the council to do everything and it took me years to get myself back up to where I feel I should have been years before. I don't look back on the past, I look to the future and I am proud of the things I did well. You may find a very nice guy who lives on a council estate but you will always find guys/gangs of guys with different values to yourself. So be careful and just ensure you mix with guys who share your values and treat you properly - whether they live in a council house or a palace! You deserve to be treated properly and sadly, snobby though it may sound, some areas and types of housing do harbour more than their share of families with difficulties. I hope this helps. You haven't done anything wrong but just set your standards and don't deviate from them. Equally I have met some very upper middle class, high earning men, who treat women appallingly, just in a less obvious way. My friend dated a guy who put her down, belittled her and undermined her in every way without ever raising his voice or raising a hand to her .. he was a senior high earning lawyer!! I have another friend who was emotionally abused in the most awful way by a man who is a Doctor and another lady I know had an awful time with her husband (a policeman) and divorced him and married a dog trainer! It takes all sorts. Just keep your standards and insist that you are traeted properly and with respect. Good luck :) x

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A male reader, Faraday United Kingdom +, writes (26 February 2010):

Faraday agony auntPeople from council estates often have a different mind-set to others who have earned what they have - position, property, education and self-respect, etc.

It is largely because they are locked into a dependency culture with everything provided for them by the Local Authorities and have no responsibilities for things themselves, nor pride of ownership, nor respect for themselves, others or their property.

Now I realise that I'm likely to get flamed for that sweeping generalisation, but experience and observation has shown it to be largely true.

This is especially so in nthe case of "pram-faces": young unmarried mothers who only used a bloke to get knocked up in order to qualify for free accommodation and State hand-outs instead of working to achieve anything - i.e. a career move!

This is not just my view, BTW; it has been highlighted in a recent news report as a growing problem amongst feckless teenage girls.

This is likely to be why they are jealous and antipathetic towards you, who have achieved things for yourself and by your own efforts, not relying on the world to provide you with a living and an easy time.

Be proud of yourself, and ignore these pathetic leeches, there is nothing wrong with you......

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