A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I am consistently getting faked out online by gay guys posing as females with female pics and profiles. I would guess more than 70 percent of the people who private message me are men posing as women to flirt with me. I am a straight guy and this is noted in all my chat profiles. It sucks more females do not message, but what is up with the dudes faking out other dudes? It is annoying and frustrating.I totally know lying about yourself online is not limited to gay guys or transgender people faking out straight guys. People of all kinds pose as younger or older than they are, richer and more successful, use fake body stats, and obviously fake pictures. When I was under 18 I pretended to be older to talk to adults. I get it. For the most part it is just a mind game I have gotten used to like everyone else. At first I just gave people the benefit of the doubt until I know better. What I don’t understand though is the appeal of targeting someone who is the opposite orientation. Do some gay guys just like to fake out straight guys? Is it because I am younger and gay dudes dig younger guys? Is it revenge for past historical homophobia in the world? Is it like an accomplishment? When I was a teenager and convinced an adult female to talk to me that was like winning a prize. Is it just being attracted to a guy even if he is straight and nothing will ever happen? Maybe just a prank for the fun of it to frustrate horny straight guys?I respect when a gay dude just strikes up a conversation, keeps it real, and says hey I like you even though you are straight and asks if I want to chat. Sometimes I do if we have something in common to talk about. If they get aggressive or talk about gay stuff that freaks me out I just say so. I imagine that is what the women in the chat rooms put up with from guys all the time. I have enjoyed ongoing interaction with some of these guys because they respect me and I respect them.It is annoying and a time-waster though when you are trying to meet or flirt with a girl. To be honest, I probably spend too much time in chat rooms anyway. I admit I am not confident in person but I find I can be charming in the chat room. It is exciting to earn a private message just by being a polite, friendly, and somewhat funny chatter. In some cases it has led to an ongoing friendship online or off (but nothing romantic). When girls get to know me first in chat conversation, I have the confidence to share true photos and even though I am just an average clean-cut guy with a few nice features most ladies are very positive, encouraging, and less superficial. They probably appreciate normal G rated pics of a real person. No one has ever trashed me for not being a muscle-bound fitness model. Being called “cute” is just as good as being called a “hunk” if the other person means it, IMHO. Zoom chats with true females who have gotten to know me and we just click have been truly awesome and a boost to my confidence. I have gotten great advice that way from amazing women. Of course, some contacts have been X rated. Those are rare but fun we that is what they are looking for.It is sort of demoralizing though to spend time and effort getting to know someone and find out someone has been gaslighting you all along (maybe for weeks). I know I am easy to manipulate (like most guys). That does not make it right. The situation that triggered me to post this was a zoom with a dude who was a very convincing cross dresser who totally fooled me and knew how to push my buttons. Even with video it took a long time for me to realize I had been tricked again (and only after some really intimate stuff where I did some shirtless truth and dare stuff on camera). No apologies. Just a “thanks for the show buddy.” Grrrr. I know I am setting myself up spending time in a forum where it is so easy to deceive. I guess I just wonder why this is a thing for some gay or transgender dudes to target us? I don’t mean I am a pathetic victim. I don’t want it to come across that way. A lot of people have much worse problems. I will survive. It is not a life-changing trauma. It is just embarrassment, sexual frustration when being led on, and being annoyed. I guess I just want to understand it. Please consider some advice other than “get a life” or “switch teams.” LOL
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2022): Well I guess you are right. I will confess i have gone in chatrooms for lesbian women and flirted. I don't know what I was thinking. Just curious. If you are polite they will tolerate visitors. I guess it is the same and maybe this is cosmic payback. I think the difference though I never pretended to be a woman when I flirted with them. Even so I get your point. It is just something you have to put up with hanging out in chat rooms.
I appreciate what you say about spending more time in the "real world." I guess I mainly find the chat rooms entertaining and I just feel more confident talking to girls in that setting. It is exciting flirting in person too and when a girl flirts back, but I get so amazingly nervous and I am not even sure why. We are all just people. Not sure how to explain it.
Pushing early for video makes sense to verify person is for real, but that is also aggressive and might freak out some girls for legitimate reasons. But it is probably the best way to know for sure if someone is actually male or female and if they are being honest about other things.
I find that when I am super honest and modest in describing myself and I get to do a video chat people can be suprised and like even give good feedback if you understated things. If we get to the shirtless truth or dare kind of situation it is good I did not pretend to be body builder and they are just happy to have an eager skinny guy.
Thank you for giving your advice in a friendly and not judgemental way even though it would be easy to poke fun at my online chatting fixation.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 May 2022):
 Well, consider ALL the lesbian women out there getting hounded by men thinking that one try with a penis will make the woman straight... I read an article about one of the hook-up apps that was made for and meant for gay men and women - however, the lesbians were constantly contacted by men. Straight men. Or men who identified as a woman.
You know the saying play stupid games, win stupid prizes, yeah? Thinking that people in a chatroom are being honest all the time, is well, naive.
My advice? Don't get into anything sexual, pics, or personal information with people you don't know. I think MANY people view chatrooms as "all fun and games" where they can be whomever they like, say, and do anything because it's "not real". They just forget that the people are REAL.
You say you did it yourself, faking your age to talk to women. It's not ALL that different to fake your sex or orientation.
I'd say, maybe you need to get out in the "real world" like and step on some grass, meet some "real" people and have some "real" interactions instead of "playing Sims" in a chatroom.
If you continue in the chatrooms, just have your wits about you.
" I just wonder why this is a thing for some gay or transgender dudes to target us?"
I don't really think so. I think they like to "pretend" as much as the next person in the chatroom.
I also don't think it's maliciously done. They don't know that you ACTUALLY take these interactions seriously.
If you chat with someone and you feel you "click" then have a video call sooner rather than later to SEE the other person before they overstep YOUR boundaries, or you overstep theirs. Instead of chatting for weeks and getting emotionally invested.
Overall though, what are you really getting out of the chatrooms? Do you want to meet new people? Find a partner? Have "fun" talking to other people?
Take a break from chatrooms, find a hobby, and meet new people. Live life in the "real world". It's Spring, there are plenty of things to do outside. Get out there!
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