A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I had not initiated contact with my ex-girlfriend, who broke up with me, for seven weeks, when she started to instant message me everyday for eight days in a row. They were not just brief messages, as we would talk for 30 minutes or an hour at a time. She also went way out of her way to see me in person recently, which is the first time we had seen each other since the break-up. After I had been drinking the other night, I left an anonymous message on her facebook account, telling her that I wanted to spoon her. Not too surprisingly, she associated the message with me--as she responded:"Gee, I wonder who wrote this one." My question is, given her recent influx in communication with me, and the fact that she should have known and now definitely knows that I still have feelings for her, why did she choose to respond to my message at all (as it was anonymous and only she could see it), and why did she respond as she did? While I don't want to read too much into typed communication, her response just seems a bit harsh. Thank you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2007): Just to clarify--spooning is just cuddling, and it's something I often said to her while dating.
In a way, I knew the message would be associated with me, and it was kind of my, albeit drunken, way to test the waters.
So, essentially, all that I hoped to accomplish with the message was to let her know that I still cared for her--I thought this was appropriate given her recent actions, although I will be the first to admit the way I approached telling her as much was probably not the best way to do so.
Thank you for the responses thus far.
A
female
reader, Farris  +, writes (12 August 2007):
 Is spooning sex? In my experience, spooning is just cuddling... Correct me if I'm wrong there. o.0
You should sit this girl down and talk to her. SHE broke up with you, which means she should be sensitive to your feelings... And at the moment, your feelings are confused. One moment she's not even talking to you and the next she's talking to you all the time, etc.
Which in my mind could mean two things: She's changed her mind, or she just misses the attention. You need to ask her what she wants. If she asks for your friendship, you need to make it clear to her what you're comfortable with, because otherwise she's just confusing you. That probably won't have been her intention, but you should sort things out.
As for the drunken message? Take it from me, they never do any good to anyone, and her reaction was pretty standard, but considering her recent actions, it's not as if she's been totally innocent here.
Just talk to her and ask her what she really wants. If you can make her understand that you feel like she's toying with your emotions, then maybe she'll tread more carefully from then on.
Good Luck & Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (12 August 2007):
I think she replied that way because instead of adressing any issues that caused the break up, you are just saying you want sex. If you were serious about her, I would say you should look at a different way of 'getting her back', because sending messages like that isnt going to do anything.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (12 August 2007):
 I dont know the circumstances of your break-up but to me it says there are unresolved issues and maybe it was a bit too soon to suggest something more intimate than a chat. I would say it touched a nerve because she may well know you still have feelings for her but saying you want sex with her is kind flagging that out in the open.
I wouldn't read too much into it, maybe wait for her to contact you and just carry on as if it didn't happen and tread a little carefully. Hope that helps, good luck.
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