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anonymous
writes:OK...I'm a bit confused at the moment. Today, just a little bit ago, my boyfriend was making a comment about a guy's truck and I noticed that I knew him, so I stated that I thought I knew that guy. He then asked me if I f***ed him....I personally think it was inappropriate. I haven't talked to that guy in over 5 years!!! Why would he just come and ask that kind of question? I told him I wasn't even answering that because it was unnecessary. If I have, I think it's none of his business. What do you guys think? I didn't know how to approach this situation, but now he's all pissed at me because of that. I don't know what I was supposed to say or do.....Please help me! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you guys for your answers. I will use the advice if, unfortunately, this situation arises again. Thanks again!!!
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (30 May 2007):
 Unfortunately many guys do think it is their business what you did (and with whom) in the past. It's just the way some of us are made. And some deal with it better than others. It's not really a matter of right or wrong, it's just the way some people are.
The best thing to do is to give him as little information as you can, avoid bringing up the subject (or triggering him to bring up the subject), and remind him that you care about him and are happy with him. Reassurance does work if the jealousy isn't too bad. If it gets very bad then it can be a big problem, but in that situation only he can really do anything about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe do work out problems alot better than we have in the past. We are learning to communicate, but we're not fully there yet. I just didn't want to talk about this situation anymore to him than it had already happened. That's just a question that doesn't ever have to come up and I would like to keep it that way. It's really none of his business what I did with people before I was with him, and it's the same with me. I don't even WANT to know what he's done with people and with whom. I want to look towards the future and that's it. The past is the past and I want to keep it there.
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reader, stina +, writes (30 May 2007):
 "I don't want to lie to my boyfriend. We have an honest relationship..." Good! But just hoping that it never comes up will not resolve any problems. If you have an honest relationship, like you say, then you should tell him how questions like that make you feel uncomfortable. You should also let him know, that whether or not you slept with this other guy is irrelevant because it's HIM that you are with now and HE is the most important person.
I really think that some issues need to be addressed here instead of just hoping that something like this never happens again. Don't you think it would be better to be able to work out problems together?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want to lie to my boyfriend. We have an honest relationship, or so I would like to think. It would just be nice to not get asked those kind of questions, cuz I wouldn't want to know that stuff about him. But thank you for your answers, I just don't know how to exactly talk to him about this cuz it makes me uncomfortable thinking about other guys and what he thinks, you know? I just want to forget this happened and hopefully he don't ask me that again.
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reader, willem  +, writes (30 May 2007):
 well i sounds a bit insecure, maybe a bit 2 much .he must respect your feelings as mutch as u do his. it a bit nasty the way he came down on u ,cause - AND this u must ask him - what does he think of u ,hopefully he'll grow up and this nonsens will fade away .............................. but u must tell him how u feel about it otherwise he doesnt think hes doing anything wrong
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reader, stina +, writes (30 May 2007):
Hi Anonymous,
I agree with Yos. And while I don't think the question was appropriate, I think you could have handled it better. I don't blame you though, it wasn't like you were expecting that question from him.
I'd call him up and tell him the truth. Then I'd ask if anything was wrong. I think you should try to find out the reason that he asked the question and work on that issue. Glossing over it like this will only allow whatever problem he has to get worse. If you really want to be with this guy, work out your problems so things like this don't happen again. And if they do, then you know what to do and how to react.
Take care.
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reader, Yos +, writes (30 May 2007):
It sounds like he had an attack of jealousy. And your answer made him think the worst (ie that you had had sex with him), because jealousy always makes us see the worst case scenario.
Jealousy is hard to deal with. Maybe the best way to respond if it happens again is to call it how it is... ie say: 'you're just being jealous. Don't worry about it. And no, I didn't sleep with him'.
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