A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I would like you aunts opinion on this please,and if i'm being silly and just over reacting.I have been in a relationship for over 7yrs with the same man, he always tells me how good he feels when he is with me,and how relaxed he is when i give him head and back massages.I do enjoy doing this for him as i like to make him feel good.yet today he tells me he is so stressed he has to go have reiki treatment,what i want to know is why tell me one thing then another.I feel as though i have been lied to and he never felt relaxed and stress free with me like he has said.i think iv'e been getting told a lot of bull and i'm not sure if i can believe him again.So am i just being silly or not. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 "Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is administered by "laying on hands" and is based on the idea that an unseen "life force energy" flows through us and is what causes us to be alive. If one's "life force energy" is low, then we are more likely to get sick or feel stress, and if it is high, we are more capable of being happy and healthy."
Reiki and traditional massage are not the same things.
Having said that, I personally LOVE massages and my boyfriend gives wonderful ones... and although it seems that no one can do what he appears to be able to do to my knots and tension, I would still absolutely pay for someone else to try.
After seven years, surely he's earned your trust by now. You should not even be doubting how much he loves and values what you contribute to the relationship.
Relax... and maybe get a massage? ;-) Good luck.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 I actually do understand what you mean, my boyfriend is the same way (he told me that he'd feel like he was cheating to go get back massages anywhere else when I wanted to buy him one). However, I think you are being a bit silly/overreacting, as he's definitely not lying to you. I think that's what you're worried most about, but I promise he's not lying, he still does love your massages. He can love the back massages you give him and still want to go get a professional one.
But do you give them for over an hour, with warm rocks, soothing music, a proper table, candles, and training on each important muscle group? Say you also cook for him, just because he occasionally wants to go eat out at a fancy restaurant, doesn't mean he doesn't love your cooking, he just wants something a little more formal. Or say you knit things for him, just because he also goes and buys clothes doesn't mean he doesn't love what you make him.
Not to mention being touched and rubbed by your lover is a very intimate and caring thing, whereas a professional massage can be downright clinical. They're totally different things. This whole thing reminds me of when my grandmother would give me two sweaters and if I wore one to show her I liked it she'd say, "what, you don't like the other one?" He can like them both, for totally different reasons.
I mean if you'd agreed on backrub exclusivity at the start of the relationship, I would say you have every right to be pissed. But for now, book yourself a facial or massage at the same time and go see what the fuss is about.
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (8 September 2011):
 Yes, you're being silly and over reacting.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Are you a professional masseuse?
If not then yeah, you're being silly.
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