A
female
age
36-40,
*wedishgirl30
writes:turkish men i was in turkey in july this year and met a really nice gye who told me i was beutiful and asked me what i was doing tommorw the next day after he met me in his shop i said nothing so he asked could i come meet him for lunch i said i would i agreed to be at his shop at lunchtime we were leaving that day but it was a night flight so i had all day to spend with him but then suddenly our flight time was changed and we had to leave moring instead so that morning i ran up to his shop to tell him this he wasnt there but his brother was his brother told me hed tell him then when i got home i eamiled him and told him this he replied we emailed every few days till october were i retuarned to turkey with my parents and saw him when i got there it was late so i waited till the next day too see him then as i was walking up to his shop he drove past me no joke he realised it was me so turned around and came and stopped me i explained i was coming now too see him he was happy and so thrilled to see me he then drove me back to my apartment as he had to go back to work but he came and picked me up at midnnight as he shuts his shop round 1130 he picked me up and things were awsome only thing was i spent the night with him im just confused because we went to a place were you pay for a room for the night ....why didnt he take me to his place? i asked him why we are hear and he said i want to be alone with you ? ok i saw him a few times more whilst i was there but we always went out in the car to the beach and layed in the car cuddled and talked a bit confused when i retuarned home hes still talking to me im reaturing in april and he said he cant wait to see me and he hopes to see me but im not sure what to do ....is he hiding somthing from me if he was married then my mates keep telling me he wouldnt have spent the night with you ?,,,i went to his shop to see him 1 day and he was affectionate to me in front of his brothers and cousins so im so confused i need advice lol
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2014): I don't think he's married though, it's very common for turkish men to live with their parents until very late as it is becoming more so in the UK now, though that's for economic not cultural reasons. He probably didn't want to bring a one night stand back home to his parents!
A
female
reader, swedishgirl30 +, writes (9 November 2014):
swedishgirl30 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks gyes i appricaate all your feed back i did speak to him tonight and he did offer me to go see him in isanbul as hes home now for the end of the season he did say he insistes to pay for it as he wants to see me but .. but i turned him down as i cant afford anymore time off so i just said we will need to skype till april he was ok with that but come april im not telling him what date im coming out and im gonna check im out im no fool so i guess hes not married but he just wants casual fun but belive me the amount of time we have seen each othher im not sure all im gonna do is head out in aapril and suprise him then ill see his actions im ready for this no turkish men takes the fool of us swedish girls so wish me luck !!!thanks again
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 November 2014):
 I also think he lives with his parents, and that's why he can't or won't take you home. One thing is there would be no privacy, the other is his parents will most likely not approve of a foreign girl like you, and most absolutely would not approve of a casual hook-up arrangement which in their culture is seen as a very low thing for a woman to do (low for men as well, but even lower for women).
In a way, I think he is being more respectful to you by NOT bringing you home to his place, to avoid the shaming. And, do not be naive, you are not his girlfriend, and although we want to believe the best in people, he is using you to have sex and nothing more. If sex is all you want, then sure, go for it. But do not fool yourself into thinking there is a future here. If he was sincere about you he'd NOT start it off by sleeping with you in a hotel room. If he was sincere about you he would have introduced you to his parents before as much as kissing you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): O..those Turkish guys.
When I was in Istanbul for 5 days, I had a hard time walking streets. They stared, they flirted with me, once I was even grabbed. Turkish culture doesn't allow women have premarital sex. This is whati was explained. Though some stilldo, but it's not like in Western culture.
Turkish men can only get casual sex from prostitutes. And not topay any money is only with tourists girls from different countries.
Lots of guys play a role of affectionate lover and believe it or not target older women and then these women give them money or presents.
I wouldn't give him another thought. The fact that he rented a room can mean different things: he has a wife at one, cheating for them is culturally acceptable; he lives at his parents house, mostly likely and you are it the girl to bring home. But what does it even matter to you: it was a fling and that's allot was.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): Do you see yourself living in Turkey assimilating interested local culture and given the job market? I know your relationship hasn't reached this stage yet but if it comes to it, I don't think he'd leave his successful business to start from scratch in your country.
Bearing that in mind,even though he likes you, he probably isn't looking at you as wife material and is therefore less inclined to bring you home as a result.
I'm English and I never brought flings to my parents' house. Only long term partners.
My advice is to use protection and be realistic about the potential of this relationship.
Ofcourse it might all work out but it'll be a more complex path, mired with issues like him not bringing you home straight away.
Good luck and stay level headed.
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A
female
reader, swedishgirl30 +, writes (9 November 2014):
swedishgirl30 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks gyes for your answers but he owns a shop in marmais and theres too shops so him and his brothers run them all togther so hes pretty well off so i no hes not after a visa to the uk
he has no intention in coming hear he didnt hide me at all thats what confuses me maybe he is married but then his brother isnt faithfull as he knows whats been going on between us he is kida muslim but i was always coverd up when i saw him my shoulders were always coverd i never dressed like a tart
i have a feeling they all live in one big house out there so yes his father was proberlly at home but were we stayed he was in no rush to leave maybe he has been hurt before i dont know
we are still freinds on facebook i thought id proberlly come home and hed delete me and thats it but he hasnt and were still talking every few days
though he does have hundreads of pictures on his page but its all men he doesnt have 1 picture of him and a girl this i find weired as hes extreamly good looking some turks can be dangerous but ive heard they mainly like scandanavian ..russian.....scotish girls i dont know but guess ill just have to confront him when i see him next
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): I hope you know that some Turkish men are very flirty with Western ladies just to have sex with them. So, the first thing that came into my mind was that he was married already or did not want anything serious with you, just sex. If you are planning to see him again later, try to find more information about him and specially see his apartment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): I think in the Turkish culture some adult men live with their parents until they get married and he couldn't bring you to ''his place'' because that would have meant he would be bringing you to his parents' house. This is why he rented a room. The thing is, do you really think he cares for you? In Turkey, there are a lot of tourists and you might be someone's sweet delight for just one night. Be careful, even if he truly seems to show affection and love. Also, if his parents are very religious, they may not approve of a girl from another religion (if that is the case). Although I may be completely wrong and I don't mean to judge.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 November 2014):
 The reason he didnt take you home could be for a number of reasons ....
maybe he shares with other family members, maybe he even shares a room with them
maybe he felt his house was too poor to take you to
maybe he is married (if those brothers and cousins were all male they might find cheating acceptable behaviour)
It might just be a cultural thing.
You could try asking him straight out why he did this.
Or, when you return, ask him to show you where he lives, see how he responds, or, if you are staying somewhere on your own ask him to spend a few nights and days with you at your place and see how he reacts, if he puts up illogical reasons why not, or if he acts sneaky in any way.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (9 November 2014):
He is married and his family dont mind because they hope he can get a visa from you.
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