A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want some opinions 'cos its doing my head in... was with a guy, long distance for 4 yrs. well the last time we slept together he bought a 12 pack of condoms when other times he always got the 3 for £2 (vending machine) Anyway we hooked up and as always ecstatic to see each other. We were in a hotel room started making love, and out of the blue he got up and had a cold shower. talk about water on the flames???? anyway went for a meal, few drinks, good night, made love, made intimate videos, had a fab time. Swore he loved me, as he knew I loved him. A week later he dumped me after 4 yrs??? A, why the 12 pack, B, why the cold shower and why dumping me as cruelly as he did. Was a real head f??? any answers, explanations???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007):
I don't think the 12-pack necessarily means anything but the shower incident especially probably shows that his interest wasn't on you anymore. I think he probably knew he was going to break up with you by that point. Like the below advice says, four years long distance is an incredibly long time for a relationship. I think ideally one of you should have committed more fully sooner in to your relationship so that you were closer together. The fact that didn't happen should have been an indication that perhaps he wasn't committed to being with you in the same way that you wanted to be with him.
I am really sorry to hear that he broke up with you so harshly, after four years you obviously deserved much more than that. I agree it is a headf*ck when someone says one thing, but does another, but it is very easy for someone to say "I love you". I think in situations like yours it shows that love is shown through actions, rather than words. If he has wanted to get closer to you, spend more time with you and be more attentive to you, that would have been love.
I think, if you can, see the positive in this situation, at least you weren't more committed to each and he broke up with you after 4 years. I mean, during these years you must have continued to have your own life and done your own things so his departure from it hopefully won't be such a big loss to your life as if you guys were living together. You will find your own answers to your current confusion though, you just have to give it time and things will start to make more sense and be less painful. Take care and all the best OK.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): Four years is a long time to date a man long distance, you may have been his long distance booty call...it sounds to me like he is seeing someone else, and is ready to stay home for awhile, he found himself a local honey.
It is not you, you are fabulous, you kept him coming back for more, but in the future, if you want a relationship don't waste 4 years of your life on a long distance romance, at some point if the relationship is meant to last you need to be in the same town, and it certainly takes no where near 4 years for that to have happened.
He did you a favor, now you can stop wasting your emotional energy on him, focus on yourself, and attract a new man who is more on the same page as you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): Sounds like sex was the big thing with him. Guess he just got tired of the same old same old. Kind of makes you think if he really did ever love you.
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A
male
reader, brokenheartz  +, writes (8 June 2007):
 Sorry to tell you this but he probably found someone else. If he went out with you for 4 years its not like he wasn't ready for commitment. Find someone who doesn't cheat.
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A
male
reader, djjazzyjeff +, writes (8 June 2007):
Well I have just come out of a four year realtionship in a similar situation.
I don't know the half of it I'm sure but people change, I met my ex when she was 19, she was amasing, by the age of 23 (and having joined the police force too) she had changed beyond all belief, I worked my ass off at keeping things together but if you braek up, it's broken, finished, I know that's hard, you may never get the explanantion you deserve but keep your head up, look forwards and try not too look at the details too much.
I thought I'd never meet anyone else, within weeks I met a girl who has taken my breath away, - life is progressive.
I hope this helps!!
Best regards
James
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (8 June 2007):
 He sounds like he has an addiction to sex... I don't think that he was ready to be committed...
DV1
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