A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Y is it hard for men to commit.They act as if they are in a realationship but at the same time just not saying it.But if they see the women with someone else than they want to claim her but to a certain point. I was in a three relationship with this guy but to a certain point he said that we could date other people but just not sleep with them yeah right.I never did but he did. We would go out to the same club and be fore I would leave he would call and ask are u going and I will c u there.But while at the club he would flirt and everything but the minute he saw another man in my face he would ran and say lets dance and when I would say something about flirting he would say who am I leaving with.It made we made because we had a good thing he just wanted his cake and eat it to.So I just got tried of the whole thing.He says he has trouble because when he was married he wife cheated on he so he can not trust women. So why is it hard for men to bounce back from the pain.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (12 September 2009):
 Y is it hard for men to commit?
Two reasons:
1-Because legally, men have more at risk. The law is such that men suffer more in cases of separation and divorce, and many men have either been burned really bad, destroyed financially, or know a guy that has. It is hard to bounce back when things like your financial credit has been tarnished because of a cheating wife. The same way that a woman that was physically abused in past marriages would not want to trust men or set serious again.
2-Second reason is that women do not address the emotional needs of men. There are men that simply do not have a capacity for monogamy. For those, open relationships with some level of commitment is possible. For guys that DO have the capacity for commitment, it is a question of their emotional needs being met, just like a woman will commit to a man when her emotional needs are properly met.
I wrote a book on men's emotional needs entitled The Eye of the Seductress and you can read a free preview at
http://www.franktalks.com
Lastly, if EVERY man you date is commitment phobic, you might want to do some inner work...there might be something inside yourself that causes you to only date men who behave this way, and the relationships you had/have are a pattern of behavior that is the symptom.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
A
female
reader, Leah123  +, writes (12 September 2009):
2 things:- Men can commit to one woman. It's a matter of meeting the One :)- As the saying goes, and I'm really really sorry to point that out, but he's just not that into you, that's all. All the 'I've-been-hurt-in-the-past' rubbish is the oldest excuse in the book. Ditch the little boy and find yourself someone worthy of you :)Good luck!
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (12 September 2009):
 Everyone wants to have their cake and eat it too. Why is there a rule that says we can't?
He wants the security of a relationship with the freedom of being single. Many women want the same thing. The solution is an open relationship or friends with benefits.
It has nothing to do with his ex wife cheating on him. He just said that so you wouldn't be mad at him. People feel guilty just saying what they really want. Instead we come up with ellaborate philosophies to validate our preferences. 'Biological imperative' being a classic example, but that is another discussion.
Your choices are simple:
1. Enjoy an open relationship with him and date whomever else you like. And dating can include sex so do away with that rubbish rule. Don't kiss and tell. Who you date and what you do is your private business. Same goes for him.
2. Try and force the facade of exclusivity on someone who does not want to be exclusive and create a big emotional mess.
3. End it now and be done with it.
Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (12 September 2009):
 Why is it so hard for some women to just accept that some men are the way they are, because they like it and it works for them.
You are trying to change him. Doesn't seem to be working.
Accept this, he ain't the one with a problem asking for help. You are. The solution is simple, your problem is, that you can't see the real problem.
You say "yeah right" to his initial suggestion of seeing other people. Yeah right, that is not what you said. What you said is "okay" because you kept seeing him.
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