A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years now and the only real problem in our relationship is Me. My problem is that Im super insecure with him. Ive had a few boyfriends in the past and I never worried about them meeting someone else or cheating but with my current boyfriend I obsess that he thinks other girls are prettier than me or more fun to be around...etc.. Hes never cheated and if Im rational I know he never would because he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me...but anytime he goes to work functions or out with his friends I spend the night torturing myself with thought of him kissing or sleeping with someone else! Why the hell do I do this to myself when I know hes 100% committed to me? Its gotten to a point where hes tired of reasuring me, and its begining to ruin our relationship.. How do I get over this?
View related questions:
insecure, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): Hi my name is Michelle...When I read your story I felt your pain..I am in the same situation as you..I have a great boyfriend and I always feel like he is going to leave me for someother girl...I've been with him for 2 years...and I constantly think about him and love him too much and that scares me too death...Not that I would do anything to him if he left me but, the fear that I would do somrthing to myself...I've been in long relationships before and they always leave or I leave them..I feel like this is Karma kicking my ass...My boyfriend loves me too death and would do anything for me or to help me and I still would not see the good things that he does because of the fear of the relationship ending soon...I feel that the reason why we are like this..Is because we don't know ourselfs..We are so focused on them instead of our own wellbeing..We don't know how much we are worth because we don't give ourselfs the time of day to ask us what is going to make me happy today?..It is always our boyfriend that we think first...So, I feel that we have to find ourselves and love us for who we are so, our boyfriends know who they are loving...I bet you if you ask your boyfriend" Baby, why do you love me?" and their responce will be " Baby,because you are my everything..If I didn't love you. You think I would be with you for this long?" Our boyfriends can't tell us spacifics on why they love us so much..Is because we don't know ourselves so, our boyfriend becomes more superior than us..Well good luck girl me and you are going to need..Because its going to take practice...Michelle
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): you dont but one thing is for sure u keep thinking the same thing so instead of thinking bad just think and remember hes not going anywere and is coming home to u and no one else
...............................
A
female
reader, Ileana  +, writes (9 August 2007):
 I agree with Eve hunny, before you can expect anyone to love you, you need to love yourself. JUst say to yourself three times everyday
'I am a beautiful, sucessful, young lady
I have a boyfriend who loves me,
I am confident and can take on the world'
soon you should feel better.
Lots of love
Ileana
xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 August 2007):
 You need to learn to love yourself more and get back some confidence and self esteem. Look in the mirror and tell yourself he's lucky to have you.
Low self esteem feeds on negative messages and thoughts so DON’T indulge in self criticism. Why are you joining the other side to wage war against yourself? Silence your inner judge. Choose to please yourself before others. It is considerate when you care about others feelings but aren't your needs just as important...? So don't neglect yourself!
Don't try to be like someone else. This leads to lack of self worth and confidence. You are UNIQUE and you cannot be someone else so strive to be better yes, but don't criticise yourself for not being as successful, as beautiful, as slim or as popular as someone else. You deserve better. Try to take life and yourself less seriously. Failure just means you are not successful YET. Everybody fails on their way to succeeding, don't look on it as failure but as a means to learning. It could be you just need a change of direction, problems can make you stronger if you strive to overcome them.
Your self worth, confidence and assuredness will increase when you FOCUS on YOUR needs and desires. You deserve to live life as you want. This is not selfishness as what you want doesn't hurt others or prevent them from living life on their terms. Focus on your successes. A lack of confidence feeds on your feelings of failure and inadequacy. Remember the truly successful things you have done in your life and reward yourself when you do succeed.
Feed your mind with POSITIVE affirmations. They can overcome persistent negative thoughts and help to promote a healthy state of mind. Affirmations combat negative baggage in your brain. Without realising it you tell yourself negative things constantly. The result is a destructive belief system which holds you back and prevents you succeeding. One very effective way to change this belief system so that it becomes helpful to you is to replace misguided negative messages with new positive ones.
* I deserve to be happy and successful
* I have the power to change myself
* I can forgive and understand others and their motives
* I can make my own choices and decisions
* I am free to choose to live as I wish and to give priority to my desires
* I can choose happiness whenever I wish no matter what my circumstances
* I am flexible and open to change in every aspect of my life
* I act with confidence having a general plan and accept plans are open to alteration
* It is enough to have done my best
* I deserve to be loved
Affirmations will free you, try adding your own and put the list somewhere you can see it everyday. Soon you'll feel much happier about yourself and he'll see the changes too.
Eve
...............................
|
