A
male
age
26-29,
*pino640
writes:Ok, so for the first and second quarter of school ive been taking public speaking and one of the big things in that class is obviously eye contact. And i seemed to have noticed a problem that ive never realized before taking this class and im assuming that its been like this for years. But when im just having a conversation with a female friend, i cannot keep eye contact with and my eyes start darting all over. Not really at places on their body, if you know what i mean, but just past them. And i get nervous when i notice this. Why cant i keep any eye contact with girls? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 December 2010):
 Never seen any male your age being good with eye contact. Maybe in a intimate setting, but not in a social setting.
Not that older guys are that great at eye contact either- probably Dirtball is right ,men just don't "do " eye contact.
In the meantime I have a tip for you, I got it from some women magazine and I don't know if it works, please try and let us know. It adviced self conscious people to look the persons in front of them just at the root of the nose-
under their nose and above their upper lip. It looks to them like you are looking at their eyes, but you are not,- you don't feel their stare right back into yours so you feel much less intimidated.
A
female
reader, sarahlynn +, writes (5 December 2010):
 I should explained more about the shy/timid part. I am not normally shy and timid unless somebody invades my bubble: standing too close, putting a hand on my shoulder, or popping my bubble with their laser eyes:) Idk, its maybe more of a trust issue now. I think that people can be shy sometimes but not be COMPLETELY shy
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A
female
reader, Princess Aunty  +, writes (4 December 2010):
Trying to pickup a girl is often met with rejection. It can be intimidating to let a girl know you're interested. Making eye contact is a simple way to show attraction without making the woman uncomfortable. Use these tips to break the ice with a girl the next time
1. Find the girl you're attracted to and note her location. Continue to look in her direction every few minutes without staring.
2. Wait until she walks by or glances in your direction. Glance into her eyes casually and hold the contact.
3.Keep your facial expressions relaxed to show confidence. Your eyes should convey that you're approachable without being aggressive or lewd.
4.maintain correct posture. Square your shoulders and sit up straight, resist slumping or fidgeting your body as you keep eye contact.
5.Pay attention to her body language as she responds to the eye contact. Offer a smile while still holding eye contact.
6.make the first move. Pupils dilating and looking down then away are signs that she's attracted as well. Introduce yourself and start up a conversation.
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A
male
reader, spino640 +, writes (3 December 2010):
spino640 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHuh...i never woulda thought that it mightve been because i was shy. I never really considered myself shy. Haha well i think one of my friends will gladly help me get more comfertable with making eye contact with girls. Thanks guys!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Because you're a boy and not comfortable with it. Men typically communicate with very little eye contact. We sit at right angles or side by side and talk without facing each other. We talk while doing activities. We rarely speak to each other with prolonged eye contact. Women are the exact opposite...
Basically this isn't something you can expect to comfortably just turn on. It takes practice. So, practice. Start with short stints of eye contact and build from there. Hopefully you have a friend who can help you. If not, practice in a mirror.
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A
female
reader, sarahlynn +, writes (3 December 2010):
I had this same problem with boys when I was the exact same age. I had a bit of a boundary issue I think. If I looked at the boy's eyes I found myself scared because I was uncomfortable with myself. I was a bit shy and timid, but there is nothing wrong with that. As people get older, they become more comfortable with themselves. Maybe an easy way to get a bit more comfortable would be to befriend a girl that is a bit easier to approach and not as intimidating? I really hope this helps because it took me a couple years to be comfortable with me:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Well, it is probably that your just shy. A lot of people have this problem and its nothing to worry about. Somethimes prolonged eye contact can make people nervous and, when your nervous, your body reacts in different ways, often, your eyes will dart around or look away to direct attention away from yourself. To sort this problem, you can try things like forcing yourself to hold eye contact and eventually you will become more confident in doing so. Also, you can try telling yourself (in your head, of course) that you are perfectly confident and have nothing to worry about. When you believe this, it will be true.
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