A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Ive been involved with a guy for 9 months and Im going out of my mind with frustration. To say I fell for him hook, line and sinker would be an understatement.I was totally and utterly in love with him. However, we couldnt properly be together because he is in the army and always being posted abroad for months at a time. He wasnt exactly 'perfect' in the time we did manage to spend together. He constantly blew hot and cold, lied, made false promises, always seemed like being with me was a hassle, ignored me, always giving me mixed messages and just generally made me feel rubbish. I always made excuses for him though.....like oh hes in the army he doesnt get to see his family and friends so I should expect to be seen as last priority.Only now, I dont think I can take it anymore. Ive fallen for him but yet again he has let me down and for some reason wont talk to me. I dont know why and to be honest Im not going to go out of my way to find out. But I have met someone else. He is kind, polite, considerate, and best of all he is interested in me and wants to take me out on a date! He is also good looking and has a good job local to me so I could see him quite alot. So why dont I want him?? Why am I still pining for my army lover though he treats me like dirt? Im considering going on a date with the new guy but Im worried he will just be a rebound and i dont want to hurt anyone. My army guy still fills my head every minute of the day though I know I can never have him. Should I go on a date with the new guy and just forget army man? x
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female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (20 September 2011):
 I think you just need to move on from your army lover. He's let you down a lot and you said he made it seem like being with you was a hassle. You need to be with someone who's sincerely interested and won't try to hurt you intentionally, because I'm sure he could've prevented that. Find someone who makes you feel special everyday and doesn't make you question his interest. The new guy seems like a good guy, but he needs someone who's fully available emotionally if he's looking for a possible relationship. Leave this loser and give yourself time to grieve and move on, and then you might be able to date someone else. Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 September 2011):
 You aren't in love with this guy. You are in love with the idea of him. However, you know he falls WAY short of your idea of him. I think you are "classifying him as a "bad boy", when he really should be classified as a douche-bag.
You think the bad guy image your "army guy" projects is all that you deserve, but you need to realize that you deserve WAY more.
Best way to start forgetting about that d-bag is to stop talking to him what so ever. Let him go. Figure out what you really want in a guy, how you want to be treated, how you deserve to be treated.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, EyesofJag +, writes (20 September 2011):
Well, out of curiosity, how old are you and the army guy?There could be many reasons why you fell for the army guy. Do you have the notion that you can change him if you would just stick around? Look within yourself to see if that's true. You may be very attracted to him physically and you are not fully feeling the major effect of being with him. Trust me, my first girlfriend treated me very badly and I still stuck around for more than a year. I ended things and she freaked out and that's when all of a sudden she started caring...but the damage had been done and I couldn't look back.Yes, I did miss some opportunities to being with other women. For a while, I was looking back with regret. I later thought that it was no regret because I was not ready for a relationship and it would have been a burden to them.If you do decide to go out with this nice guy, make sure you don't set his hopes high. It will happen since he seems to really like you. Always be honest. If you go out more than once and he's showing signs that he really wants to be with you, do both of you the favor and tell him the truth that you are not ready because of the problems you have had with the army guy. The nice guy may be hurt but both of you will have respect for one another because you were honest.As for the army guy, realize your self worth. This may take time, but realize who you are and don't let go and see that you don't deserve the shabby treatment. If you do continue to be treated badly, realize then that it is you who is allowing this treatment now, therefore, you may not have too much respect for yourself.
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