A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 25, and have never really been in a relationship. I have hooked up but have never had a legit girlfriend. I always kind of longed for one but I always told myself I wanted to wait until I got a career, had my fun, travel and all that. Fast forward to now and I have been talking to this girl A LOT, like multiple hours a day for about a month straight now. We've gone on two dates, both were pretty perfect. She is basically everything I could ask for in what I'd want in a girlfriend, yet I still find myself trying to like talk my way out of having a girlfriend. I worry about the future, like what if I stop liking her? What if I want other women? What if she stops liking me? And then I also worry about the typical stuff like losing my freedom / free time. She is one of the nicest girls I've ever met so I don't really want to hurt her if any of the above come true, but at the same time I do like her a lot, and I feel like my brain is just trying to go against me. Are these normal feelings? Do you ever snap out of it, as in the worries eventually ease away? I just basically want to know if I should be worrying about this stuff because its a problem, or just normal anxiousness when it comes to new relationships.Annnnny advice would be appreciated. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): Thanks guys, you've been helpful
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 maybe you are the kind of person that feels he should have everything under control, so starting something over which you don't have total control triggers your anxiety.
It's a bit as if you were saying you won't buy a great car because it may get stolen, or you won't accept a great job because you may be fired.
Control is an illusion. If your heart is in that, just go for it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Worrying is normal, not a problem. You will come across questions like these for every girl you meet. They eventually ease away. The more experience you gain the more control you have. You don't have to talk multiple hours a day if you don't want to. There will come a time you are going to talk less and less and start doing more and more, such as chores and planning for the future. When you are with the right woman, you will have no desire to check out others. There is no guarantee relationships would be as perfect as you want, but it seems like you would do whatever to make it work. No relationships are the same. You and your girlfriend can make your own rules. You can't stop yourself or her from worrying, but you are going to be his boyfriend there is no going back. I personally like guys who can loosen up a bit and try not to make so much of an effort to love. Love is a state of mind, love is not doing, but being.
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A
female
reader, el Lori +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Don't the fear of the relationship not working if you haven't started a relationship. Be afraid is living a life half lived. Jump in or atleast get your feet wet. Worrying freedom and such is something you will work out later on. Remember communication is the key. She is not a mind reader and neither are you. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, miszalizeh +, writes (30 April 2010):
 I feel that you need to stop worrying and live it. Relationships are not perfect and you never know what you really want until you take that risk and put yourself out there. Like many people would say..."follow your heart." That's all I can say for you. Good Luck!!
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