A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:trust is a huge issue in this situation. I feel like people don't seem to trust me. Like my friends and family.At school every time i have really good friends, trust becomes a big problem. No one seems to belive me! and i'm sick of it. I'll pratically scream the truth out and no one would listen. So a few years ago, my really close friend (gemma)began talking crap about people and i didn't really like it, because they were my friends to. So when i confronted my other friends they wouldn't believe me. They belived gemma instead of me, even though our friendship lasted longer. I don't get what is it about people, they always tend to chose the other girl than me, to believe. And eventually a person gets sick of it, and i am. To my suprise, before the holidays, them same girls and a few others cofronted me about gemma and told me she lies alot, and she's not exactly who she seems, she covers the real her. And i felt annoyed because our friendship broke up beause of gemma's lies, she twisted it all on me and said it wasn't herself that it was myself. I realised from the beginning that gemma was a lier, and she's not who she makes out. From the outside she looks like a sweet girl who would not harm a fly, but she's the total opposite. She's like an undercover BITCH! It's not only my group of friends who never belived me, it was my whole school year. They were all on gemma’s side, under her casted spell. She made everyone assume I was evil, and some murder in one way, who’s life is based on ruining peoples lifes.It’s like no one thought I was a normal human, who has feelings and other stuff. I feel like all my life, each year i break up friends due to trust. Cause they don't believe me.I actually came to the point where i felt so fed up that i began questioning my judgement about gemma and other people. But it turns out i was right from the beginning. I lately broke up with my another group of friends as well because they believed the new girl over me. I practically cry over these problems, cause i feel like what if it was myself and not the other person.And it's not even like my some big bully, or some evil person that no one believes me due that. I'm normal, not popular, and not nobody, i'm in between. Not evil, and not nice. I'm just a normal teenage, i have my times where i'm happy but then times when i'm down. 5 years + ago in primary i told my best friend a big family secret of mine, and she went and told everyone. I got tortured for it my whole years throughout that school. No one believed a word. I cried soo much because it hurt, it was personal, and true and everyone assumed i lied, including my friend. I felt like an idiot. I even showed her proof, and still she didn't believe me. People at school made fun of it, and i cried badly. I felt like a huge idiot. What can i do to change all this? Its not fun anymore, each year passing by, I watch my friendship break up with nearly all my close friends because they don’t believe me one bit. Even though they know I would not lie about stuff like that, over the reasons we broke up because of. After that, they make sure I’m alone, and they get all their close friends to stop talking to me. I’m fed up. Its immature behaviour, something which I would do in primary. At the moment the friends I lost, fake being friends with me, and they watch every move I make, and are trying to break me and my best friend up. She’s always with them and not me, cause they always make sure of it. When I do hang around with my best friend which is hardly ever, they hold it against it all my life. Please any advice would do, just any ideas of solutions. If anyone has ideas of why they don’t trust me, feel free to write it down.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): the gemma situtaion was not how you explained it anonymoouse writer. Gemma had talked behind my back to many of my friends and lied to them, saying i had spoken bad things about them when i hadn't. I stuck up for gemma when she had problems with people, she practically threw me out of the group of friends. How does it make me feel? obviously upset! she said so many things about me that weren't even true, even though when i was friends with her i supported her no matter what lie it was, like she told me some stuff and as a friend it sounded like she was kind of lieing but i was unsure so i still listened and helped her by going through the situation, and made sure i gave advice and support.
Once she threw me out of the group, that all happened. By the way i was first to confront her saying them people are not like that and they wouldn't say thingslike that about me but she was sure they did. and when i confronted my friends whether they had said them stuff about me they denied. But i can't exactly explain how i know she lied, because it was very complicated and long. She teisted things around, and once looking back at them all, they do not add up.
I don't get where you got the idea of me making friends with people by turning them against others. I never said i wasn't friends with that group. We broke up after the gemma situation, but later it all calmed and we began talking. But lately we were getting along more, and then they confronted me, just asking what she done to me, and said. I told them thats all it's the past, not like i'm telling them to go have a fight or argue with gemma.
I though gemma had changed when being friends with the others, once she broke up with me, like cause it was a few years now that she might stopped but she hasn't. The same thing i began talking to gemma straight after, but she's the type of person who for some reason does not generally like me and lately because i talk about general stuff to her group of friends she seems to get annoyed,but i try with her, but she acts weird, so i don't say anything or do anything. I just leave it, but i talk to her when i have something to say.
and with the new girl, i tried ever so hard, but she hates me, and i don't know why. cause i haven't done anything to her. when i first realised the way she was i kept ot to myself, for ages, never told anyone, but come on she took it tooo far. (can't go into detail to long)
i thought this site would help, but the male anonymous reader makes me sound like a monster thanks alot. i feel better. thankz for the responses.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): I feel the same way you do and I'm a lot older than you- it stinks all the time to have people not believe you, doesn't it? I think that you first have to watch who you call a "friend." Some of these people may be more like acquaintances or people you know/hang out with and not true friends. The fact that they do not respect you and your feelings and decide to believe other people like Gemma, is a red flag. Real friends would stick by your side. I also think that you're like me in the way that you may be more sensitive to your surroundings and you can pick up on how other people act/behave a lot quicker than some of your friends. You probably notice the little things before a lot of people do. One thing to improve on or to watch for is in some situations you just have to let it go. I'm not saying you are wrong or anything, but sometimes people have to figure things out for themselves. It may take some time, but eventually they saw the truth about Gemma. I also think some of this has to do with self-esteem. If you say things confidently and have evidence or proof to back up what you say, people are more likely to believe you. If you say things in a joking way or silly way, they may not believe you. Don't change who you are just to make friends- just be confident in yourself first. If others decide to be catty or cause drama, then it is their fault and not yours. Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): young lady,,
Why are you running around telling your friends another "friend" is saying bad things about them ??? A true friend will stick up for and defend their friends whether those friends are there are not.
You should have told gammie (or whatever her name is) " That person is my friend, I know her pretty well and she is not that type of person." "And,, I will not tolerate you saying things about her that is untrue or lies." "You are my friend and so I'm giving you a chance to either confront the person yourself, or stop talking about her." "Either way I will not tolerate you talking to me about her."
"5 years + ago in primary i told my best friend a big family secret of mine, and she went and told everyone."
A true friend would have held your conficence in highest regard. SHe was NOT a friend.
Choose your friends wisely.. very wisely.
Running between "friends" telling each what the other said is NOT being a friend to anyone. You are trying to get friends by turning people against each other.
You can see how far that has gotten you so far I assume ??
A friend is someone who will stick up for you whether you are there or not. A friend is someone who will stick with you no matter what the situation or consequences.
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