A
female
age
36-40,
*nnabel83
writes:Hi all, i'm new here.I'm 28 wit my boyfriend same age for 4 and half years. We hav been livin 2gether for 3 and half years. I'm just not sure if i want to continue in this relationship.I've been sick and had brain surgery recently and he has stuck by me. But he speaks to me so badly at times and curse's at me :-(. He has such a short fuse and i feel that i am steppin on egg shells sometimes. He hasn't helped me at all since i've been off sick, i'm tryin to pay rent and bills and its stressin me out wit only illness benefit i hav to rely on. He offers to help me, but once i borrowed 20e and never heard the end of it and he wanted it back the next day :-(, so don't bother anymore. Like don't get me wrong i do love him lots and i'm sure i haven't been the easiest person to live wit lately, but when he in bad form, i can't say or do anything right. But when he in good form the relationship is great. I hav spoke wit a friend at the wkend about this and she has advised me to try walk away from it. For the part 4wks every thursday or friday we hav just fought over silly things. I hav said to him 3wks ago i wanted to take a break but he said he doesn't do breaks only break up's :-(. I'm so afraid.I'm just so confused :-(. I am so afraid to walk away. I'm fat, loads of stretch marks on tummy everywhere so insecure. Who would want me?. Where would i go if i leave :-(, my friend has said i could stay wit her 4a little while but she has a husband and 2children, i could not nor wouldn not do that to her.There is so much that i haven't got in2 about our relationship but don't want to bore whoever readin this :-(.Please can some1 help or give me some advice.Thanks A xx
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (10 May 2011):
you may be afraid leave the relationship because you're afraid to be alone, but really you probably already ARE alone just that by being alone in a relationship you're not free either (to have a chance at a better life).
You're asking "who would want me?"...you won't know who that person is, or find that person as long as you're still in another relationship, i.e. your current one.
you will feel better being single and feeling safe and mentally healthy, than stuck in a toxic and cruel relationship with someone who doesn't want you ( and yes your boyfriend doesn't truly want you as a person, he just 'needs' you to fulfill some role in his mind just as you need him to fulfill the role in your mind of being in a relationship).
You are still young, you are plenty of time to become single, become healthier, and start dating again if you choose to. Don't waste more years creep being stuck in a toxic relationship when that time could be better spent finding and being with someone whom you will want and who will treat you better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Hi there, you are clearly feeling very down and sad. Perhaps even depressed after everything you have gone through with being sick. Try and get some good nutrician if you can like really well cooked meats with the bone and skin on, that are cooked for several hours with vegetables, the natural fats and minerals in these meals are actually very good for losing weight as well as helping you heal and so is 'Bio kult' yoghurt.
This might seem like a strange answer to an emotional problem - however nutrician will make the world of difference to your life overall and then you can start looking at what to do next. I would go and stay at your friends, she would not of offered if she did not want to be a good friend to you - aren't you fortunate to have such a good friend and she probably feels you would be good to have around! Then while at your friends try the diet above that I've suggested, it will do wonders for you and your self esteem and help you heal from your injury.
By the way it is normal to be scared and wonder if things will be worse at your friends - but rest assured I think it's a great decision and once you are there you will probably feel so much more relaxed and you can start on the road to getting better!
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A
male
reader, latinoheat +, writes (10 May 2011):
Im sorry about your situation about being sick first and foremost. Second, you need to be more confident about yourself. It doesnt matter if you are fat. You obviously were able to get this man somehow. And with the husband I think its something you need to talk about. If he doesnt than walk away. It will only get worse. Been there done that
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Me telling you to walk away wont help you, because you can read my words and stay with him for another ten years.
You have to reach the point where you are so fed up with him and his treatment that you leave because you yourself really want too. Right now I can tell you dont want too--you are just beginning to feel the disconnect between him and you.
Clearly he finds you attractive, why are you worried that some other man wont? You're putting yourself down by calling yourself fat and undesirable. Dont do that.
Remember we have one life, and one chance to be happy. Are you going to spend yours with this guy and his ups and downs, or take the leap and find someone who adores you and cares for you continuosly, especially when youre sick?
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