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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a friend who I am very close to. He is a drug addict, but often times stops using 'for good', with the help of rehab or 12 step programs, only to relapse eventually. Each time this happens, my heart sinks and I do not like the way he acts sometimes when he's high. He calls me when he is sober or high. It doesn't matter to him, but when I talk to him and he's on drugs, or even when we're not in contact but I know he's using again, I feel unrested and unwell knowing this is the life he's living. Please don't tell me to stop talking to him, and I also know I can't force him to change. I just wish I knew how to better cope with the feelings I have when he's being completely reckless and checked out of this world. When he's sober, I feel more inspired. When he's not, I feel somewhat hopeless. I try not to be co-dependent, but it weighs on me like it would if a kid of mine was on drugs. I couldn't just forget it and go about my day like everything's fine. Help.
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (23 February 2010):
Your friend is fighting a really tough demon, and that's what it is honey, a battle. And battles have casualties - the addict's friends and family members who get caught in the crossfire. You have to surrender to the idea that there is only so much you can do. He is the one making this choice for his life. There are support groups like Alanon for friends and family of alcoholics. Maybe try to find one that is specific to your friends addiction.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 February 2010):
It is clear now that he won't change. Addictions are very hard to beat, but if all he is doing is going and failing, knowing that you'll still be there, then it's time for you to move on from this friend. I know that's hard, but it will be much better for you in the long term not to have a friend like this in your life. He needs to beat his addiction himself.
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