A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When should I call it a day with relationships?I'm 26 and have never been able to stay in a relationship for more than a couple of months. I get bored easily, I'm a loner and don't like being tied down. I keep thinking it will be different with any new guys I meet and I'll fall as madly in love as other people seem to and want to spend all my time with them, but it never happens. Then they get hurt which I feel terrible about. This has happened so many times now.So should I just stop trying to date? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): Don't call it a day OP, just take a break and stop "trying". You're not really interested in them at the moment OP so why bother with them?
OP some people love dating as a kind of hobby, they find it fun and just like the whole experience. Others do so because they're trying to find the love of their life and feel incomplete. Others then only really date because they feel they're supposed to, it's just what you're supposed to do because "everyone" else and they talk about how great it seemingly is.
The fact is if you don't find dating fun then don't do it. Dating is not the only way people get together. I didn't date my fiancée at all in that respect, we were friends a good while beforehand. As a friend I didn't find her boring, or we wouldn't have been friends, I didn't feel in any way tied down because we just clicked so well I felt the same freedom as I did while we were friends with the exception of now being a one woman man, and she's so relaxed and undemanding that I have plenty of space to be alone with my thoughts even when she's the same room.
My point is OP stop trying to do something you know will bore you, you know will make you feel claustrophobic after a while and have too much disruption to the way you like your life, and just go enjoy your life remaining open to the possibility that it may happen. Just put your time and effort into other parts of your life, go enjoy your life and if you meet someone you feel adds to that along the way then you'll feel much more comfortable being in a relationship with them.
Don't date for the sake of it when you just feel bad when things don't work out. Just let it happen naturally and get on with things. That way you won't just date anyone who seems nice but will only do so when have that something worth adding them to your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): I'm the OP. I thought I'd just add, I'm not afraid of rejection. I don't think "he'll never want to date me", well unless he's gay. Tbh I just go for it, if he's not interested, I move on.What I've really been looking for is someone who I have interests in common with, a deep thinker, not afraid to be original and quietly confident. But I always seem to end up with very quiet, nerdy (though that's not the problem) insecure men who act very clingy. I don't feel like I get to know them or see their real personality because it's like they are always saying what they think I want hear (e.g they like whatever I like but strangely don't seem to know much about it etc). Then I get bored with the small talk and niceties quickly.I think I will take a break for a while. @anonymous, yeah I'd guessed it was me and I'm not into casual relationships.
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A
female
reader, citadel  +, writes (21 February 2013):
I think maybe you are choosing men who you don't have alot of interest in. You may pick them so you don't feel challenged. Or you may pick them because you have an insecurity or are afraid of vulnerability.You are probably choosing men who you know are not your own match along the lines of: Looks, intelligence, values or chemistry. Try to date the men who that in your mind you think "Oh, he'll never want to date me"Those are the relationships that you will probably grow from either painfully or joyfully, but they will be memorable and last longer.It sounds like you've dated men that are beneath you.Embrace the fear, embrace your worth, embrace your needs.Embrace your adventure. Now go out there and have a relationship and learn and enjoy. You're 26 time to enjoy your youth. Get cats in your 80'sLove, live, learn.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 February 2013):
 Hi
I don't think you should stop forever, but certainly take a break.
Focus on getting to know yourself better, on building up your life, finding new things to do.Make a bucket list.Just forget about dating or finding the one for now.Build friendships first.
Think about what qualities you want in a man, what appeals to you.What really put you off the men you dated before.Maybe you need a man who will give you time and space to do your thing, who will take things slow.Who knows!
We all 'date' to sort out who appeals long term and who doesn't,thats what dating is for,when Mr Right comes along you will know.Better to be selective than settle for 2nd best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): maybe you just need to work on your 'relationship skills' so this doesn't happen? I mean, the common denominator in all your relationships, is YOU. therefore, if ALL your relationships turn out the same way, that suggests that it is because of you. it might be you keep choosing the same kind of guy too, or it could be patterns of thinking and expectations that you have.
that said, there is no rule that says you need to be in a relationship or even date. If you're happy being single, then just be single. if you dont' like being tied down, then a casual relationship is better suited for you, so why not just let other people know that up front.
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