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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, basically my girlfriend is horny 24/7 and always wants sex any given moment. I like sex, but I'm not as horny as her! Whenever I'm not in the mood and I'd much rather sleep, I just say "I don't feel like having sex tonight babe", or something, and she always says: "Oh fine, you obviously don't want to have sex with me". Then I feel guilty and say OK, then she says "No, I don't want it now!" I'm like, for god's sake! I don't want sex all the time! Is this my fault!?
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female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
Not your fault, nor your girlfriend's. What are you complaining about?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): Just be careful that she does not get too bored with you and look else where, i had a friend who was in a long term relationship, he had lots of sex wit his gf but because she was so horny all the time and she was wanting to try and experiment all the time she got bored with him and cheated on him with 5 of his best mates, so just a tip you dont need to have lots of sex just mix it up abit and make it exciting when you do have sex. also i would say she might be feeling abit insecure and that sex makes her feel better and secure but rejecting her when she askes for sex and then fighting about it can make her feel even more insecure, i have a similar problem at the moment with my bf , i have been rejected by my bf and i have gone off sex for months still hurt by the rejection, do you really want that to happen in your relationship?. Dont feel bad about saying no to her but dont end the conversation in a argument, try to explain to her why your not the mood because at this very moment she probably is having all these bad thoughs that she is fat or you dont love her anymore and all that kinda stuff. and well in terms of her being horny all the time well im sure that will slow down a little after time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2005): Just a very different slant, here on your question. Just my opinion so take it or leave it. She might have a very high sex drive and if this is a new relationship, it will ease down after awhile. Or.. she might be playing the "does he really love me" game with you. If she's feeling a bit uncertain/insecure about your feelings, she may be putting way too much of her self-worth on whether you desire her or not. Some people do this in relationships. Some also find that sexual intercourse boosts their self-esteem and helps them feel good about themselves. In a committed relationship there are added reasons to have sex such as; to make love, to feel totally accepted, safe and secure-the reasons are endless. A good, solid relationship also entails so much more (eg: communication, committment, trust, respect) If she's making you feel guilty or bad because you don't want sex at her beck and call, then this is all about her and she is being emotionally needy. It sounds like she's feeling isolated and lonely. So try reassuring her more often. Snuggle more and hug her. Use words and endearments..let her know you love her-just for who she is. Total acceptance is the key. Good luck and take care
Hugs, Irish
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A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (20 December 2005):
 Age does play an important factor in a persons sex drive. Whenever your a teenager your harmones are in mass production and your level peaks. Alcohol and drugs also can change a person's sex drive i.e. ectasy. As a woman turns somewhere around mid thirties she peaks from sexually active to VERY sexually active. These are simply guidelines and not concrete evidence. Sometimes medical experts say that you/she may have a medical problem. I say honestly Maybe your just good in bed and you should be happy with that. However too many circumstances go into making a decision on your question about it. I am in my mid thirties and I thought I was just going to be average about my new sex life. I find that since my fiancee is 11 years younger I want it all the time. She did not at first. Then I wanted quality not quantity and the role reversed. Now she wants it more than me and we have sex about 5-6 times a day with quality. This does take a huge amount of effort on our parts. But I do love her and I think it's a 50/50 effort from both sides. There is the other aspect of we are trying to have a baby and to concieve you need to have the window of opportunity at the precise moment. In other words your sperm better be there when the eggs ready or you miss. So if your GF is really that horny maybe it's a combination of all factors or maybe she has a medical problem. However if you read the majority of the letters preceeding yours you'll find that your sex life is not the problem; lack of sex life is a problem. What if your GF is just going through a phase and it'll wear off after a couple of months. I told mine that if she was ever horny day or night to wake me up and I would take care of it. This is because I love her and don't want her to struggle with it. Yes, sometimes I lose sleep but I'm very happy knowing that she's happy with me. I'm sorry your so tired all the time however I was too and then I had my testosterone level checked and it was low. I got a prescription and my level is normal now. I don't know that it made a huge difference but, I can say that I have felt like having sex more and things are going very smooth now. Good luck. Ed
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A
female
reader, crosstini +, writes (20 December 2005):
No, but when she says forget it, forget it! There's no woman on earth who would want to sleep with a man who doesn't want to sleep with her. If your sex drives don't match, she has to decide whether it is a problem for her or not. Sounds like you're trying to make it her problem when it's you who just shouldn't feel guilty about it.
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