A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, when I was younger my brother 4 years older than me forced me into sexual activities. I hated it, I use to beat him to stop! He was so much stronger, I couldn't do anything!I have never told anyone before! Shall I? or shall I keep it in for the rest of my life, which feels like the right thing because it's disgusting and I really don't want to go into detail and tell people.What shall I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DavidW  +, writes (29 December 2008):
Hi, I have had a similar experience and can tell you that it is better to tell someone you trust so you can work through it together. The experience is having more affect on you than you realise and the longer you leave it the more it will affect you, believe me I know how this can affect you.
David
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank everyone of you for helping me to make a start.
thank you all ever so much!!
x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Hi babes, sorry so sorry that your brother hurt you. You know it's not your fault, he was very, very wrong. You tried your best to make him stop, but he was bigger and stronger. These kind of things hurt a lot, not only your body but also your mind.
You can't deal with this alone, you need somebody to talk to. Your not the only person to suffer this way, many men and boys have also been hurt like you. You probably have a lot of anger, maybe your a little scared and frightened, maybe you even feel a little ashamed. All your feelings are natural, your normal, you have done nothing wrong.
Please contact childline in the UK, they have people there that can help you. I know it's difficult to talk about such thing, but you told us, we are hurting for you. Talking to us hasn't been that bad, nobody has said anything cruel to you. Talking to people on the phone will be just like that. They will understand, they have heard stories just like yours, some of them have also suffered abuse.
I don't want you to be alone with this. You let it out, you told us, you told your secret. That's s very big step, a very big step indeed, a very brave thing to do. Many men who have been abused never tell anyone and they suffer all their lives. But you have told us, you want to get this dealt with and because of that you should be very proud of yourself.
Please call ChildLine on 0800 1111. www.childline.org.uk. This is a special service set up specially for children like you. They will help you find somebody to talk about your feelings. Together with a professional, you and them can decide what you want to do. There are no easy answers, no wrong or right answers here. It's all about you, and what you want to do. If you want to confront your brother and tell him how much he hurt you, then you can do that, if you want to keep it secret and try to forget, you can do that too. If you want to tell your parents, well no problem, you can do anything you want to do, you can do anything that you think will help you heal, help you to feel better, anything you do is ok. But you can't do it alone, you need help, you need an adult who knows about these things to talk too. Sometimes just talking about it will help, sometimes you need to do something more.
So please babes give child line a call, they will help you in anyway they can to try to make this memory less painful for you. I'm so sorry babes, sorry that he hurt you, sorry nobody was there to stop him, sorry nobody was there to help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): As the others have said, you have to confide in someone! Your parents may not be the appropriate people to talk to, not at this point, anyway. Finding a good counselor would help. They will tell you exactly what steps should be taken. How old was he when this was happening? If he was a child too, there may not be any legal consequences for him...but then again I really don't know.
But for your own sake you need to get this out with a professional and learn how to process it and work through it in a healthy way. If you don't you will carry it with you all through your life and it will effect future relationships in a damaging way!
I kept a secret of sexual abuse throughout my entire life and looking back I realize how much it has hurt me caused me relationship problems that I never connected with that experience when I was 16. I am in a new relationship, and one night we were out for a drink, sitting at the bar, without even thinking about it...I blurted out that I had been raped when I was 16 (and a virgin) I don't know why after all these years, it would come out as it did. I have been married 4 times and never told any of them about this. But I do know I should've dealt with it a long time ago. By the way, my boyfriend was very supportive, and comforting. And he thanked me for confiding in him, and trusting him. And I think that's why I confided in him, because I do trust him...I've never had this sort of trust in anyone before this! I have also discussed it in a group I was going to (Healing the Wounded Woman) It all helped.
Find a therapist and deal with this now. It will save you a lot of sleepless nights and misery in the future!
Good Luck, Sweetie! xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Hey there :)
Erm, its really quite serious,and your brother is in the complete wrong. Who do you feel comfortable telling? You could tell your parents but the dynamics of the house could be really effected. How bout Childline, completely confidential, and they can give you some incredible advice, if your not complete comfortably telling anyone else. A quick search on google can get their number :)
xx
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A
female
reader, LoveJoy +, writes (28 December 2008):
 call childline, tell the police or your parents, save other kids from what you went through, but don't say anything to him.
Be Brave :)
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