A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What's the best way to get a second chance with an ex? My live-in boyfriend broke up with me 3 1/2 mnths ago. He said he couldn't do it that he wasn't ready, but that he still thought we'd end up together one day. At first we stayed in touch, but that ended in a big, drunken fight. I feel bad about that (and did apologize), but it was so confusing to sorta have contact and sorta date each other without the commitment (after LIVING together)! Now we don't talk AT ALL. We haven't had contact in 6 weeks. We are still finishing the lease on our apartment (10 days left). I live there, he doesn't, but he's still been paying his share of rent and stuff. But, we haven't had to connect to keep it straight. Anyway, part of why he broke up with me, I think, is because i grew a bit dependent on him - I didn't mean to, but we moved to a new city together and it was an easy trap to fall into. I have worked on growing and changing myself over the past few months and esp. over the past six weeks of no contact. How can I approach my ex to give me and love a second chance? How will I know when he's ready to see/talk to me?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 September 2007):
 There is no single answer to your problem. I do feel for you, it's difficult being in the position you are in. I know I had been there in the past, and know many other people who have as well.First of all, NO ALCOHOL, that raises tension. That's all you need when trying to talk to him. I would say, space is what he needs now too. Sometimes people feel smothered in a relationship especially if they are confused about what they really want. Keep working on your personal improvements. You need to build your strength, yourself, and your own happiness without relying on someone else to make you happy. That is great that you are doing that. I hear so much about people placing blame on the other one, and not so much of people taking action to better themselves.When you do have a chance to talk to him, don't flood him with what you've done to change yourself. You'll sound a bit stuck on yourself. He doesn't want that. Let him know how much you appreciate him, and realized all though you were grateful during your relationship to have someone so special in your life, you could have shown that a bit more than you did.I really don't know what else to tell you but study how behaviors work, from getting a date through marriage. The hard part about asking someone for a second chance is that there was all ready a first chance that somewhere along the line went bad. The person we ask has fear and apprehension about it working the second time, if it didn't work the first.I really wish you the best. Take care.
A
female
reader, brokenshadow +, writes (19 September 2007):
 Well, you say you grew a bit dependent on him. Maybe you should give yourself some time to get on your feet i.e. your own place and things you would normaly do with him or have him do for you, you would now do for yourself. After you get comfy in your routine, invite him into your life again. He'll see how independent you are. And that won't be an issue anymore. Maybe you can invite him for dinner at your new place and apoligize and offer to start fresh. If he feels that's something he doesn't want to do, then he'll be missing out. Check out the local night scene or a cute neighbor, That may help you get over him should it come to that ;)
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