A
female
age
26-29,
*onflictedlady
writes:I hate even wording a question that way and talking about leagues because it seems so juvenile, but I’m at the point (age 26) where I’m wondering what can of man I can get who will be willing to “settle down” at some point. My college was a mega hook up school, so I didn’t do much dating then and I am currently on the market.I don’t have student debt and I’m conventionally attractive, white, pretty and fit. I might be considered an 8? Maybe a 7 on a bad day? My parents are still together and have a great relationship. I’m not brilliant but I’m clearly of above average intelligence. I work as a fashion designer, and I guess my “biggest accomplishment” before that was selling furniture to set designers (I ran an online business and sold vintage furniture and I’d make up to $15k a year). I’ve been on dates with men, but often times, I seem to attract men who think way, way more abstractly than me, I they generally fade out, as I’m more focused on day-to-day things, like, what will I wear? Should I bleach my teeth? Etc. Again, I don’t pick these men, they just seem to come onto me. Other than policemen, who turn me off, I don’t get a lot of more everyday sort of guys.I’m wondering what the best way is to gauge what kind of men would be most into me. I’m passionate about my job when I’m there (though I don’t spend as much time working on the weekend as I used to), and otherwise I have pretty normal hobbies, though I’ll occasionally pick up a more creative one and work on it for months (sculpting, wood carving, etc.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2019): Be open to meet a variety of male personality-types, men of different nationalities, and races. Don't date guys who are jobless, going through a divorce, recently broke-up with a girlfriend, gay-curious; or wants to tell you about his weird fetishes. Not if you want something real, lasting, and serious.
Maybe you've made a few poor selections; because you are basing your judgement mainly on physical-attributes and how you measure-up to their visual-standards.
If you go by the standards of looks and profession; you'll frequently pick guys who are a terrible match. While talking to guys, listen to how they talk about themselves. How well they treat you is how you measure "his" worthiness of "your time;" and how deserving he is of your effort to get to know him better. Not if you're pretty enough, smart enough, or you can impress him with your accomplishments.
Things about yourself naturally come-up in introductory-conversation; as you get to know each other. Presenting all your credentials like you're applying for a security-clearance to gain entry into the Pentagon isn't how you go about it. A little here, a little there, and leave some things to the imagination. Even if you're composing a profile on a dating site. Be careful of TMI! Guys will just create a character to fit your specifications.
Have fun, but keep your eyes and ears open. Offer little tidbits about yourself, nothing too personal; and wait for him to reciprocate tit for tat. If he tosses it all at you at once; he doesn't care anything about getting to know you. He just wants to boink you. When guys hard-sell themselves like a used-car salesmen; you are barking up the wrong tree. Run!!! If he seems to holdback vital-info like where he's from, if he's single, if he has a job, or requires a lot of prodding to get it out of him...BEWARE!
You should feel at-ease when you interface and communicate. He should never talk down to you; and you shouldn't create a phony-personality that you'll be wrongfully judged by. We evaluate a good-match by values, behavior, and temperament; and their ability to show kindness and respect. The level of self-control he demonstrates, and his adeptness at using his common-sense. If you create a facade, you'll have to keep it up. When the real-you slips-out; you'll be pegged for a fake! Stay real, girlfriend! Don't go and remake yourself to fit his order. You're not a car or a suit; and you don't come custommade! You've got all the good stuff your mama and daddy gave you in your DNA!
Real doesn't mean being curt and obnoxious. That's social media online-realness. I'm talking about your true-self! Being genuine, honest, and sincere. Courageous and fierce! If you ain't got it; then you've got to work on yourself until you have it. You'll broaden and improve on the type of men who notice you! You don't find good-men at bars and nightclubs! You find party-boys and frat-boys! They have no standards, nor a clue!
From your description of yourself, avoid extreme male-types. Better to see guys who are lowkey, smart, somewhat ambitious, creative, and have a good work-ethic. Must treat you with respect; and they can have any profession, but their looks can vary. You don't have to date trolls and ogres. You are in any league you want to be; if you look for the right things in a man's character. Don't overlook handsome nerds who get-up the nerve to approach you; and gentle-giants who like working with their hands. Never met a gentle-giant I didn't like!
The boastful-kind that come onto you with a silver-tongue give themselves away. Avoid cheesy lines, exaggerated compliments, and sappy sweet-talk. All too often women mistake smooth-lines from guys as showing interest. Come on! If it sounds stupid, it is stupid!
If it goes down light and sizzly like champagne, he has class. If it hits you like a 150-proof shot, he's a loser trying to get in your pants! Regardless of how much money he makes!!! They are often the hottest-looking, and they know it!
Bad-boys get all the easy breaks! Women mistake their macho-aggressiveness for manliness; and his lusty come-on must mean she's hot. They appeal to your vanities, and build you up! Just to knock you down when you piss them off! The less than average-looking chubby drunk-girl can get the same play; and he could be a hunk, with a law-degree, and drive a Porsche. League has nothing to do with it! It's his character, his intentions, and the way he treats you that matters!
The purpose of dating is to try-out a varying-selection of possible matches; seeking the most honorable-traits and goodness in men that you can find. It's not just about what they want in you, it's what you want in them!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2019): I'm really confused about what you're asking. You know what kind of men are interested in you, the ones that ask you out? What is it you're really trying to figure out?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 December 2019):
 Maybe not settle for a "type" but rather go out and MEET more different people.
And maybe, do the "picking" not being "picked" if that makes sense. You might attract a certain "type" but you don't HAVE to only go out with that "type".
I think it comes down to what YOU are looking for a a partner as well as what YOU have to offer. If you want someone who is into creative stuff like yourself, then perhaps look to meet people with the same hobbies or at least MEET some of them. Let's say you are into sculpting so you take some classes or find a forum/community online to meet others who enjoy this. You might meet some people there that sparks your interest.
And perhaps relax a little with finding a guy to settle down with. While I get the wanting to settle down and have a family, I think it might be more important to find the "RIGHT kind of guy" instead of "A guy".
It's not like there is a group of guy who ALL only like ONE group of women. It's not logical trying to find someone who is MOST attracted to you, IF you aren't into them.
So take some time, figure out what YOU would like in a partner, what you have to offer, what your values, morals, goals, hopes and dream are. And meet more people (I didn't say DATE more people but MEET more, so you perhaps can get a better feel for what YOU are attracted to.)
As for you being an 8, well good for you. You looks will only get you so far. And they won't automatically get you a suitable match. Your personality is WAY more likely to do so.
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