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anonymous
writes: Please help..I feel my g/friend maybe cheating..What are the signs to look for? - serious answers from ladies and girls most appreciated..Thank you.. Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Well right now im goin through some thangs wit my girl. im 16 and she's 15. This is our 3rd time goin out and its even worst then da first. I dont kno about other ppl tryin 2 gather info, but i actually have seen my girl with other boys. Girls can tell u wat u wanna here and ull believe it so that u can feel better. thats how i am. But if anyone ends up in this mess, jus let the girl go. unless she feel tha same about u, then dats not the girl u need. if ur stressed wondering were she's at and wat she's doing, she should be feeling da same way about u. But im still in my relationship, so i really need more help 2.
Dats all i have.
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male
reader, djmarke  +, writes (5 June 2008):
Ok first thing I have to say is this: A relationship absolutely has to be 50/50 that means do not give give give
and get only one some from your partner. What happens is the person giving the least eventually loses respect for the partner and then bad stuff happens, IE. cheating, lying, stealing, backstabbing etc. I have lived this as the giver many times prior to waking up to the fact.
second: Jealousy is a no no and is caused from your own insecurities. With that said from my experience these are the possible signs of a cheat: he/she gets mad when you ask what he/she did while you were away. He/she gets defensive in the same situation. The person dresses way to good to go to work all of a sudden, More time spent on grooming then usual. In some cases a woman may douche more then usual out of fear you may smell the other guy. The blame game is a sign of the person trying to hide there guilt. Body language- a person lying most times will close there body from you such as arms and or legs crossed this is a subconscience move to hold the lies inside. Also when lying most people extend the story to many details as if to make you believe them even more. I am no expert just had good training and bad luck with relationships. If the one i'm in now fails I'm moving to the philipenes for the rest of my days, Oh and remember this: look for the obvious simple things because most guilty people only hide things they would thing of yet nobody things the same.
Goodluck, Mark
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): to the male reader, anonymous, who wrote on 5th of April 2008:Some of what you have said seems to be what I have been going through with my GF, basicly from what I know of she has not kissed this guy. But I have found out serval things e.g (She used to sign onto msn and chat with him without my knowlage, she used to appear offline so i was not aware that she was online. She used to more or less text him at every possible chance she could, i manage to read/get hold of some of these messages. Quote from the last part of one text "I LUV animals but I LOVE you more") Now at my kinda age "18" and her kinda age "16" the differnt between these too words means a lot. I'm not too sure what is still going on between us, we are cunrrently still together. But other things occur, for example whilst im trying to ring her. She will say she has a lot of Coursewark to do, but it seems mighty strange just how much she has. She seems to hesitate alot when she says things like she is making it up on the spot. But anyway, i hope some of that helps you. Your best thing to do is slip in slight questions without being susispicious, and try and drop things in that you know. All the best..
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): My GF of 5 years has dramatically changed over the last few weeks. I admit its not been an easy couple of years, we met at uni and moved apart a little, monies been tight and i didnt call or text her that often when i was out - which was a slight issue. whats made me feel all sick inside is that she has been spending alot of time at her friends house, shes known her for ages and often talks about her brother who has just been cheated on. shes been very cold and agressive, from a passive girly girl to just plain off. Were supposed to be moving in together soon, an issue she doesnt really get excited about anymore. she also tells me stories that are quite similar to our relationship, about her friend who was with some1 for 5 years and although she would have a good life she just didnt love him etc.. She didnt even take her shoes off after work one day so she could use my laptop (shes been poked on facebook by her ex. she told me but an e-mail to her friend i read said it was just some random guy... and you should see his picture!?! whatever that means)i have in a direct way told her my concerns and she started by back tracking a little to being loving. I still feel shitty inside and my confidence has dropped, im just trying too hard with her. Not really a solution or an answer as i dont know if she cheated but if she has then i know for the future. if not i need to sort my problem out!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): Ive been cheated on in the past and the tell tail signs have always beenthey cant look at you in the eye, they seem upset/moody around you,when you ask them if something is wrong and they say "nothing",and also if you go in to kiss her and she dosnt seem "into it"a lot of these signs may just seem like she wants to break with you, but your best off casually sneaking in hints towards cheating such as saying "i despise people who cheat" and other things along those lines, if she cheated on you she will get upset.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): I need some help figuring some stuff out. Okay, when me and my girl first started dating, like within the first week and a half, she said she kissed this guy but it was only one kiss. I was hurt but I decided to stay with her. A few months later she tells me that they actually made out for the better part of an hour and he took her home and she kissed him again.
I was floored by this but once again, I stayed with her thinking it'd get better. Now she has given me reasons to believe that she might be up to more scandalous activities.
She has had this friend for awhile and I was always cool with it until they started talking a lot more than me and her and she started talking about how he was her best friend and yada yada yada he's so great. Then he did "something" to her to make her upset and now she hates him. I think she liked him and he chose another girl over her.
Then, just recently I went to see her at work and she said some guy had asked for her number but she told him "no." Later that night, we were hanging out and she got a text from a guy named Mark that said "Hmm...what do you want to know?" and she said that he was just a guy from a class and she needed help with an assignment. I would usually believe this but she was acting strange. When I told her that I didn't fully believe it, she got upset with me and started going off about how she can't believe I don't trust her and how I think she's cheating...which I never said.
Then tonight she got another text from him that said "Hello? Why aren't you talking to me anymore?" but she didn't tell me about it and tried to keep it hidden.
So, basically, I'm just wanting to know if the rest of you would be suspicious or if I'm just blowing this thing out of proportion? Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): Hello everyone im 16, and my gf is almsot 15,, we have been going out for two months yesterday, i am not trying to say anytthing but i need some answers or suggestions? Before we were going out and we were talking, we usta talk on the phone all day from school which gets out at 2:30 we talked from 3 until we went to bed nonstop on the phone, we still talk that long, but she never really talks or tries to spark a conversation, i am always the 1, and always replies with a 1 sentence remark, i ask her wut shes doing everytime she says nothing, i guess my eal question is does she really love me?, she gets mad at me alot lately over really nothign at all and i tel her im sorry even if i didnt do anything but she still insists that its my fault, and i talked to her bestfreind which is also my friend on the phone and shes said she flirts with other guys, and her friend also takes what i say to her and tells my gf that i am talking bad about which i would never do id rather die, i truly love her, and my gf believes her friend.
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reader, Girls Lie Too +, writes (7 March 2008):
Several of the answers i have read are very accurate. My biggest problem that i have had with my gf of 1 1/2 years is she always tried to make it out as though i was not truthful. No matter what the problem we were experiencing she would always somehow drag it in that "she just couldn't trust me". I honestly tried harder to insure that she "trusted me" than sometimes i think to do any of the basics. I am 44 years old and i am sick and tired of girld lying and their bs. She started not wanting to be affectionate and would start an argument over nothing at all. I nailed her ass to the floor though after I knew I wasn't doing anything and i got sick and tired of being blamed for everything under the sun. I put her under surveilance for about a month. I used electronic recording audio and video), i stealthed her pc and i got all of her cell phone records, voice calls and text messages. What i found nearly blew my mind. I had totally trusted this girl and would take nearly all of the blame. She was on her phone day and night either caling or texting him-some of the time before and after we would have been talking. I indeed loved and cared about her but after i found all of the truth out about her it helped to ease the pain and made it easier to go on. She made a big mistake with me. I indeed loved her and wads true to her. She covered her own sins and lies by trying to tyransfer the blame to me. I stopped her dead in her tracks. Thank God it happened this soon and not down the road or after we had of gotten married. Any of this sound familiar tp anyone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): Hi Mate I know it is very hard... First of all i read most of the stories and i feel your pain i really feel sad for all the man that have been cheated on... This is life, God wants us to understand that life is a challenge that you must get through successfully.
I'm 19 years old currently Going university from 8 to 12 and working from 12pm till 5pm!!! My girlfriend goes to university from 3 o'clock till whatever time they finish.
Yesterday :S i left work at about 4:50 and I went by her university with my car, she was walking down with another man, I felt like the whole sky was down on my head and really wanted to shoot that mudhaphucka I know you guys know how that feels. She ran fast got onto my car, she has been speaking about that guy for some time now and always telling me how only them 2 chill together and they have so many things in common, while I was always thinking that it was only university friendship if you know what i mean.
I havnt spoken to her for a day now, shes my first serious girlfriend, i bought her everything introduced her to my family friends everything I do I let her do it with me, While her parents dont know about me most of her friends dont know and she likes a hidden relationship...
If I was asked to walk on burning ground through 100000 knifes because she needed it, I would do it without thinking twice. I hate the fact that people look at my girl i have gotten to so many fights were i had to bleed by getting stabbed 13 times on my body, i was still standing and fighting, my body was wasted but it was the love that kept me going, i had nearly killed 9 of the 17 men that i fought myself, I am 6 ft 4 inch currently i do martial arts and love sports. i feel like ive been traited just by seeing her walk down the street with that man :S i feel like shit and really dont know what i should do i am thinking to end the relationship but my heart beat starts to beat differently when i even think about it :s im scared its the first time in my life that im scared, my father is very rich im currently a millionaire but i would give everything for her :S now i just dont trust her no more..... i love her to death i would have never done such a thing to her or never even think about doing something bad
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): look mate dont listen to these wierdos about hacking into your girlfriends email, i am in a similar position but what you have to ask yourself is do you trust her coz love is nothing without trust, just think mate!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): its worrying how many women say "everyone cheats" because believe it or not, most men would say they'd never dream of cheating on someone they love. i know i wouldn't. my girlfriend asssures me that she wouldn't cheat on me but i can't be sure, this si because she has brought up ending a couple of times saying "this is so serious" and "im not ready for such an intense relationship" but we have only been together 6 months. is this a sign that she is cheating? please reply soon (preferably from a woman)
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reader, Blueboy +, writes (20 December 2007):
I have dated my girlfriend for over 4 years, She just started this new job for 2 months now I have been working late till 11pm so we haven't been seeing each other as of late. I start noticing that she doesnt want to cuddle with my @ night anymore, she always wanted to cuddle and I would hate it but would try. She starts to nag about everything in my life! We've been fighting alot, which I don't want too. But she would start it and would always have an edgy attitude. And as of now she wanted to break up because of all these reasons all of sudden? just 3 months ago we were planning out our lives together I was ready to go back to school and all. I feel like ever since she's gotten that job she has change! So now we're broken up and she still has her cloths and stuff here. She will be moving out next month because she's waitig on her apartment is what she told me. Our communication has gotten really bad now she can't really give me a full reason why she is leaving me. NOt only that she would come home late sometimes and be very protective w/ her cell phone! there will be deleted calls or her txt msg will be deleted. She now buys new underwear bra's she shaves more often down there now too. She doesn't sleep at our apartment anymore she tells me she goes and stays at her brothers house because it's to tough for her to see me because she says it's sad? I would sometimes drive by her brothers house around midnight and not see her car there. I asked her she said she sometimes stays at her co-worker "girl" which I've met before. I don't know where she lives but she said she would sometimes stay there because work is alot closer? 1 night I decided to just txt her and told her that "I know you're seeing someone else! and that Im tossing all her cloths outside! I told her to respond back to me but she didn't a few hours later she shows up! and was worried that I have toss her cloths away which I didn't she was crying and told me that I shouldn't do this. it's really hard on her right now and that I have no clue on what's going on that I should calm down. "she cries alot too" I went down to FL this weekend to visit family I came back and checked her dirty laundry and she started to wear thongs alot now!! she would usually wear them for more spiecal occasions but now she's constantly wears them? not only that I checked the ones that was in there and it had a bit of her "juice" if you would call it. And the thongs and panties she had in the dirty basket would have her perfume on it? would does this mean? Im worried. This has never happend to me. I feel like I don't have enough evidence to prove anything? I have asked her before she would only get madd! HELP PLEASE LADIES AND GENTELMAN! I NEED ANSWERS AND ADVICE! Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): never letting her phone out of her sight, putting make up on when she wouldnt be fore
tanning her self, buying lots of new underwear, being snappy with you, avoiding you, cant hold eye contact when she is answering your questions, ask her where she has been, then ask her again about an hour after if she tells you the same thing word for word like she is telling a story then she is lieing
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): she'l not have sex with u for a start, she'll seem like a complete different person, stop puttin likes of babe and stuff in txts they'l jst be straight forward txts, u'll no straight away, cause it jst dont feel wright, thats how a found out about my girlfriend sneakin with some one else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): I had a girlfriend of 8 years and found out she was cheating. She claims she still loves me and misses me and it was the worst mistake she ever made . I found out through a female friend of hers , she worked at at holiday apartment resort and was doing night security checks as there had been some guests reporting thefts we lived one street away from these apartments . She would tell me that she would check late into the evening as this was what the manager had requested , i thought it was strange that a women on her own would be asked to perform security checks with no back up or training , when i asked about it she would say its ok and she was a tough little thing. When you love someone as i did i never thought she could be cheating , anyways she was seeing guys in the vacant rooms! and it was only the honesty of her friend that filled me in on what was happening . One last thing is this , never and i mean never talk to your new partner about being cheated on by your last partner as no women wants to hear about your ex even if she asks you ! refrain at all costs . I had a relationship of 4 months with a very jealous girl and when she asked about my last relationship she could not handle the fact i had been cheated on ,she then believed i would go back to my cheating ex! . Once a lover has cheated it is never the same again. You must move on no matter how hard it is , confide in your mates and family but wipe the slate clean.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): My girlfriend and I been dating for 5yrs. She told me I wasn't as romantic like when we first met. She said her friends would make her jelous when they would talk about there spouses because I didn't do the things that her friends spouses would. She also said that our relationship was having problems which was news to me, I thought everthing was fine.
Well, I managed to get her myspace password, which turned out to be a guys name. I went threw her messages and he left messages about there phone conversations, and says hes glad shes back in his life and that he loved her. I called her and asked her who was this guy, she said and old high school friend thats it. I waited a few minutes then called her back and told her I got off the phone with him and he said he was in love with her.. She said she didn't know why he was saying that, there just friends. Afterwards, she tryed to text him to ask him if I called him, but she texted me instead.
She says that she never cheated on me and the guy has been having a crush on her since high school. She said she started talking on the phone with him because she was confused. I thought about taking her back and trying to spend more time with her and making it work. I will never know the whole story and if she was telling the truth. But, I will never be able to trust her and I can't live in doubt, so I decided to end our relationship. What makes it harder is that I have a kid with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): well,one of the things might be that you are the one starting the conversation how much she means to you and she is somehow avoiding to tell you the same. Try to see if she is really there when she is talking to you,or if she is going to see her :friend" more often than usual.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): doesnt want to do stuff with you anymore, always here there and everywhere, always on her phone, never home on time, always in nice underwear, always needs to look good regardless, always smells nice...hope that helps xoxox hit me back if you need a bit more
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): Well i had been in two relationships were the girls were bith cheating on me. Those two relationships were not the only ones i have been in either. Well the first one was the worst me and a girl were going out for like about a year we went to a house party so i went to my friends to say hi and had a couple of drinks then i wanted to look fore her because she wasnt there so i went to all the rooms and nothing until i got to the last room i see her and my bestfriend sleeping with each other so i beat the shit out of the kid and got arrested. (so that is not the best route to go with if you catch your girlfriend cheating on you.) So i left her. The next time i caught my girlfriend cheating on me was with her bestfriends boyfriend. That was going on for a month before i found out. Here are the signs i saw with this one. We all hung out a lot and had a good time. He would make jokes about us all having sex and switching off and shit like that. Then my girlfriend started asking me about all the people i had slept with. And she started crying when i told her. Also she was saying you know how people who cheat in relationships can fix things and still be ok. Also she was always accusing me and asking me if i was cheating on her so she kept trying to put me down. So her bestfriend went on her boyfriends myspace and saw all the flirting messages they were having. she had sent them to me so we both dump them and we started dating. My girlfriend to out to be a alcholic junkie, and her boyfriend is in jail for robbing a deli. But just watch out for the girls to gget very paranoid, and very suspicious.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): ATTENTION:
The easiest way to find out of they are cheating is to simply install an "Invisible KeyLogger" ...google search it they are all over the place.
I got all of my girlfriends passwords to her Myspace, Email accounts, Phone PixPlace....everything.
If you cant find dirt with that...there isnt any. Also Check her phone discretely when she is sleeping.
Also while the panty check method and all that other crap may help...its not solid evidence... What are you going to tell her? "Your underwear smelt like semen!" ?
Thats not half as satisfying as printing out 30 pages of flirty "How big is your dick?" "I could be there in 20-30minutes depending on how horny I am" messages and throwing it in her face. Watching the horror in their eyes at being so caught takes away from the sting that you've been wasting all this time with a whore.
Remember the biggest key at this point is FOLLOW THROUGH. Once you've caught them you havent solved the problem...you caught them and if you dont catch them again its definetly not because they arnt up to the same behavior its because they have simply gotten better at hiding it from you!
DONT SHOW YOUR HAND UNTIL THE GAME IS -OVER-
It may be hard but reguardless of how hot or whatever...kick that bitch to the curb once you've caught her. The best thing you can do in this situation is walk away and let her know she was the piece of shit in that relationship.
Be nice while doing it, "I love you but you've just hurt me to much" "Im going to miss you, I wish things could have worked out between us, I really Loved you" "I love you, I just wish you had been ready for what we had" ...be the nice guy when you leave, it makes it harder...but dont forget to LEAVE.
If you stay they wont respect you and when you do eventualy leave rather than being the one that got away cause they fucked it up...you are now the sucker and who gives a shit you obviously didnt have what it took to satisfy her. ..staying in a situation like that is blood in the water to your partner, ..why would they wana be with such a pussy anyway.
Good luck, ...atleast you didnt find out she was a whore while she was 4 months pregnat with your child like I did ;)
You can get the keyboard loggers on the internet, some of them will even email all of their keystrokes to you so you dont have to ever go on their machine =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): You can tell if they seem quiet around you, as in more quiet than usual, and bring up certain male name(s) in conversations (not so sutley on a regular basis. If they start arguments, hint about ending the relationship. Those are the main ones to think about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): Ok, I have experience of this matter in one of my relationships. The important thing to remember is that she kinda isn't cheating on you .... often she's cheating on the relationship. This sounds dumb huh? What I mean is, let's say you've been with a girl for a few years and the relationship settles down ... like they all do. Often people miss the rush and excitement that goes with a new relationship and hence they go off and find it elsewhere. Essentially she wants that hit from a new partner. She's not mature enough to realise that initial hit soon fades and you're left with a steady relationship. It's still fun but it's the time when you've discovered pretty much everything about each other. Now consider this. The guy she's just hooked up with ... you reckon he's going to be happy with a girl that has a proven track record of cheating? Nah of course not. That's likely to end in disaster sooner or later. You're better off out of it. Don't let your confidence erode through the initial break-up phase. Use it as a time to change yourself a bit. Join a club, workout or buy a sports car .. whatever. There's no better way of revenge than 2-3 years down the line when you see your ex pushing a pram, looking haggered from lack of sleep and her abusive boyfriend whilst you're muscled up, driving around on the convertable porsche with your new stunning girlfriend. Kick her out and maintain dignity at all times.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): Okay - I've read a fair few people mentioning 'less affection' as a sign of cheating. I have to say, I think that's more or less an awful sign to base your certainties on. I mean, I've been going out with my girlfriend for ages now, and for the first year we spent every moment together, being really lovey-dovey and quite possibly sickening from a third person perspective, constantly kissing, hugging, holding hands, tickling and whatnot. After being together for so long, we don't need to be as affectionate towards each other, we both know that we love each other like crazy so there's no need to keep 'building' a relationship once its already built. Sure, we still kiss each other, whisper sweet nothings and have random play fights, but nowhere near the amount we did in our first year. There's always a honeymoon period after going out for the first time where you can't keep your hands of each other, and after about 10-11 months youll find that theres no need to accelerate any more, and just cruise in 5th gear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): Well there are good comments here but i have been in a relationship for 8 years and been married for 7 of thoes years.The first sign is to watch her body actions when your together if she seems twitchy and impationt as to say hurry up and leave, then you know shes more interested to go out to see the secret lover.another sign is her smell if you can smell a mans scent on her then there IS a possible chance she has been cheating.another sign is when you make plans to go out but then if she makes up excusses not to met you till later in the day then there is someone she is goin to met.another sign is if she trys hard to please and pamper you, she will have her regrets and thinks that if she keeps you pampered then you wouldnt expect anythink.solutions,you could always follow her when she goes out at night so you can see what shegets up to.another one is to take her out and go to buy a present for her if shes a honest girl then she will tell you before you get the presant if not then she is just enjoying the presants.check her texts and her call register if there is someone you are not sure of then comfront the boy and he should tell, it took 4 punches for this boy to open his mouth. well i hope this helps youbt if you dnt fall in love then there will b no pain after!!!
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reader, gandalf55555  +, writes (10 June 2007):
Here's my advice, it's not what you might expect, but it's the best thing I can think of. A few years ago, this girl I went out with cheated on me, and I saw absolutely no signs whatsoever. There was nothing that could have lead me to suspect she was cheating, so either I was just very very stupid, and was ignoring the signs, or they were very discreet. All I can say to you is, if you can't spot any signs, just go ahead and ask her, and if she replies with "of course not! how could you think such a thing?" or something like that, just tell her the real reason why, because then she'll appreciate your honesty. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007): my girlfriend is a realtor and she will lie to everyone. little lies here and there. she is always lieing to cover up behind her self. for instance if she missed an apointment she will never tell anyone the real reason. she will make somehting up.
the other night her and i were watching tv in bed.. she said she felt sick and needed some water and some sugar, thought she was low on blood sugar. i tried to ask her quesions to figure out why she was sick. i could smell alcohol on her breath. and wanted to know if she had been drinking earlier..
i know she likes to go out and drink with her clients.
but she refused to tell me the truth stating that she had not had a drink at all zip zero not at all!!!
finally with persistance i was able to get the truth out.. and that was not cool for me at all to hear that she was drinking and would not tell me the truth..
among other things she has said or done. i no longer her trust her and am beginning to hate her
she is smoking hot and this is a problem i know i need to leave her because there is no longer any trust for her. so wish me luck. i dont know if i can break up with her
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): I know I have been through it myself the pain is excruciating, you lose all self confidence and start doubting yourself in a lot of ways but the fact is she is in the wrong not you.
I found out by investigating her phone to start with, the mobile is always a tell tale sign i.e. messages or calls lists etc if it is happening it will be in the phone.
The next step was to confront the callers on her phone - He who dares wins!! anyway sure enough I spoke to the actuall guy who admitted it.
I think the moral is that deep down you know because things are just not normal and her character will change, staying out late, going out more etc etc. The signs are always there its just whether you choose to believe them and want to follow through what your mind is telling you especially when you want to trust her - Bottom Line is YOU WILL KNOW DEEP DOWN - so confront it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2007): A cheating Girlfrined is the worst thing, I think that can happen to a person, beside losing someone. There are many ways to tell, that I've found out. One, watch her eyes, the eyes tell a lot about a person. She might feel distant or doesnt really want to be touched be you, and even though she may tell you she feels that way towards other people. But like I said, watch her eyes when she tells you that. Another way of telling is reading her MSN log. MSN is powerfull tool, inthe options, under messages, there should be a unchecked box. check it, and make sure you have a special path/place to save the logs. some where she wont look. MSN will be helpful because shes think no one is listen in or reading for that matter. One thing you could do is take her to do stuff and ir you are thinking about getting her a present. you might want to rethink that. It could go good or bad. Good is the way she will feel so guilty she'll come out and tell you straight out. Bad is the way she'll still cheat on you and might leave you in the end, making you feel soo shitty inside. It will hurt, im not going to lie. It's going to hurt for awhile, and you will not feel like dating for awhile as well. But stay claim, cool and think things through before doing anything. Also try and not tell a lot of people about your inner most feelings. Romours are started that way and Romours are a very bad thing. Things are going to be tough, its going to hurt, and you are going to feel like you cant love any one that way again, its not true, you will. It takes time, and Time is a nasty thing.
As of two weeks ago my girlfriend cheated on me with a guy she met before but hooked up online. it only took a month and a half to destroy a 3yr 10 month relationship. they did everything, and the worst thing is i figured everything out and she never told me a thing. we're still living together til the end of the month when I help her move back move so she can be with him. I've stayed claim the whole thing through and I am going to stay that way. I see myself better than that and I will survive. and I dont think she'll come back either, but if she did. would it be worth it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007): First off you need to just ask her if she still loves you. When she answers you look in her eye's if she is lying to you then her eye's will tell you.
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female
reader, AskEve  + ♥, writes (31 January 2007):
 Hi love,
Okay, here is a run down for you. One way to tell if she's cheating is to catch her lying about a matter. You can follow her eye movements to tell if she is lying. Ask more questions if she looks uncomfortable or uneasy. If she tries to create stories out of nothing and doesn't try to LOOK at you while speaking then the possibility is there that she IS cheating.
Partners who are cheating are often guilty of their actions. They will apologise over small mistakes and go out of their way to make you happy or feel pampered. She will also start showing less interest in you and will want to spend more time alone, so suggest going with her when she goes out, even if it's just a short trip, tell her you need the fresh air (and watch her face!).
Is she still being intimate with you or has this got less? Is she always tired or making excuses that she's tired? If this part of your life has lessened then this alone is a good indication she may be cheating.
When your partner is away frequently then call her on her phone to see if it's busy or turned off. If it does ring out, then hang up before she answers, you know her phone's on or not busy and that was the main reason for you calling. (You can withold your number easily at these times so make sure and do that first so she doesn't get suspicious that it's you.) But make sure the number's NOT witheld when you genuinely do need to call her as it will register on her phone as being witheld or not! (You've got to be one step ahead of her all the time).
Also check closets and pockets to look for any scribbled-down phone numbers or meeting places. If you find an unknown number then call it and see who picks up. If it's not a familiar voice then ask questions to learn where they live and who they are. If you can, check her cell phone if she leaves it lying around then do so and check the phonebook (If it's not locked - which is another sign of course). Jot down all suspicious numbers and call them and notice the tone of the other person when he picks up the phone. Think carefully what you're going to say but DON'T tell him who you are at this point!
When she comes in go up and give her a kiss immediately and smell her to see if there is a "man's smell" lingering somewhere, aftershave is the giveaway here. Even check her panties for 'signs'!!! Watch carefully when she arrives home, does she always seem to head to the shower immediately?
Another way to catch her is to follow her in a car. See where she goes, what she buys and who she meets. Take a friend along with you for moral support and/or use their car). If you can, try to show up suddenly somewhere and be surprised to see your partner there. (Friend stays in the car of course). Notice her reaction. If she is happy to see you then there's nothing to worry about. If, however, she looks flustered or worried and wide-eyed, then she is surely hiding something. Ask her questions to clarify things a bit.
If nothing seems to work, go back and carry on with your investigation till you come up with something solid. Confront her ONLY when you have enough evidence against her and then decide what should be done next. If you keep on her case and she IS guilty, she WILL slip up, it's only a matter of time.
If, after a time and you still can't prove it then the last thing to try would be to hire a private investigator. They will certainly be able to come up with evidence but it can be costly and only used as a last resort.
Isn't all this is a bit devious....? Yes... but you'd never do it if you didn't have good cause to. Cheating on a partner breaks every rule in the book between you. It is a sign that the relationship is not going well and is in trouble and THAT is what the roaming partner should be addressing and working on, NOT running into the arms of another as this solves nothing, only escalates and makes the problem much worse!
I hope this helps.
Eve
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reader, blueorion +, writes (31 January 2007):
Cheating woman huh? Man I feel for you if she is doing it. You have to realize first and foremost, if she is cheating on you and you have irrefutable proof, then this is the best thing that could have happened to you as you know for sure now who she REALLY is. Finding out years later is the worst part as that time in your life is gone now.
I would say one thing that hasn't been mentioned, and it requires a real trooper who is willing to go on a special mission.... you can always check her panties. When a woman has sex, if it is with a condom there is going to be the smell of rubber, possibly discharge of nonysnol 9 (sperm killer) or condom lubricant. This is easy to smell on panties, just make sure you take your time.... Your heart will be pounding and anytime you are mistrusting someone you almost want to find something as it eases the jealousy some as you would know for sure. Not knowing is the killer. Anyway, if she didn't use a condom, which lets hope she did if she cheated on you, then you can also detect an increase in discharge with the scent of semen. Now the second one you have to be careful with because the female body produces different amounts of discharge at different times of the month.
Just be careful, and above all things remember this.... No-one is worth your heart drying up and ceasing to function. If she is cheating on you, don't freak out, just be calm, tell her how your felt about her, and then tell her that you don't want to say it, but "this is goodbye".
You also have to realize that with this, with you leaving her it is going to make her want you more. So you need to sever the relationship completely. No "lets be friends" or anything like that... she cheated on you, she doesn't even deserve your friendship as that is what a relationship should always be first. Trust me, 9 times out of 10 they will want to come back because they can't have you, and you WILL be tempted as I am sure you cared for her a great deal otherwise you wouldn't go to this much trouble.... You would have already left her if that wasn't the case.
Communication is also key. With everything that you have written, I would say chances are not good for your relationship my brother. But if you are not sure if she has been loyal or not and you continue the relationship still harboring doubt, the best thing for you to do is end it. Jealousy is an ugly beast, and suspicion is it's mightiest weapon. If you decide to stay never knowing the truth, it will be better for you just to end the relationship. Trust me, it may take a month, 6 months, a year to get over her, but no matter how long it takes, at least you started today.
Good luck to you my friend... May you find the truth, and I pray it is not painful but the begining of the best chapter in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): if they dont tell you the truth when you ask straight away,
like being vague about everything,
then there cheating or wanting to,
remember all females want better than you after they have been with you awhile,
what you should do is dump them after 3 weeks dont fall in love,
you should only get serious when there 50+
females go with anything
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): I just found out my girlfriend is cheating on me. Of course, I have always had a lot of signs staring me in the face. some of course more obvious than others, some that can always be construed as not full-proof evidence. Some of the signs I have had..
opened box of condoms in her purse when she went to go see a "friend" who turns out to be her "ex" who she tells I'm some family member of hers and then finding a recently used wrapper of the same kind and brand in a spot frequently used by us.
Also had disappearing condoms from her purse that she had in there. once it was there before she went to go see a friend that I drove her to go see who I couldn't or she didnt want me talking to and it was gone when she got back in the car.
She's had guy friends who she wouldn't tell that i'm her boyfriend and of course they were always the jealous type who like her or she didn't want to hurt their feelings. I was either just a friend or family member.
Putting on makeup and making herself up to go see "only" a friend.
Constantly getting angry at me for little things I couldn't control like traffic or when she gives me vague directions to where she wants me to be without telling where to be and what she describes could mean a thousand other things or places. Basically, just trying to pick a fight... though she always seemed to miraculously become nice and things were good again when she needed something.
Don't talk as much and when we do, she gets angry easily or we talk and then she gets "tired" and says she is going to goto bed, but remains online for hours afterwards. of course after she does that and then clicks over and says hello though she's still talking to me.. is another sign that reads she's says she's going to bed to talk to some other guy.
Of course the above could be misconstrued and be splitting hairs. But more concrete evidence I found was gotten by "spying" which I won't use because she would just turn it against me and make me the bad guy like she normally does.but it's still a good feeling for me to know that my gut feelings have been right..
Like seeing email msgs to this other guy about wanting to be together in more than friend ways, and others with worries they were going to break up and me being referred to as her ex.
One more thing I have learned is that the line "don't excuse me of cheating unless you actually see me with someone" is problaly a dead ringer especially if this is after some pretty solid evidence.
But in the end for me.. it's still good to know because it confirms my concerns and gives me a better stance to move on when that happens. But who knows, it may just make things better.. but i really doubt it will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): Here is a little trick that I learned from my old man years ago:
ask her if she would like to have sex with another man, but find a creative way to state it that you know will draw her in so she will contribute valuable data to your research.
you really have to play cat and mouse with this one, and women want you to, it allows them to feel like they are in control 100%.
99.9% of women will say "no" to this while considering their options and what it might really be like to have two men drooling down their "hoohah" at the same exact time; believe me, I know that is the first thing that goes through a womans head. We just don't admit it.
Most girls or women who cheat do it for all the wrong reasons. They are either angry, undersexed, underromanced, or just plain doing all of this to themselves because they wanna be a bitch and take their "raggin it pretty hard this month" out on somebody. Truthfully, the only one this hurts is themselves. Fact is, men will share, you just have to work them into it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): All people cheat. We just have our own ways of doing it and hiding it from the ones we love and vice verca.
Spy on her, passively, but do it in an aggressive enough manner that will be self pleasing, that is the only way you will get comfort. Do the taking her flowers thing at random times, that will work well for you no matter if you are right or wrong; check her cell phone's incoming or recieved calls for strange numbers and call those numbers back from your phone to find out who they are. Most importantly, be nice through all of this, act like nothing is going on unless you intend to outright ask her, which I assure 99.9% of the time will result in one of two things, her lying, or it blowing up in your face. And no, not trusting someone is not cheating or as bad as it. You have every right to be suspicious if you choose to be and give yourself reassurance or protection. No one should be making you feel bad for trying to protect you or your intrests, which may be your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): All people cheat. We just have our own ways of doing it and hiding it from the ones we love and vice verca.
Spy on her, passively, but do it in an aggressive enough manner that will be self pleasing, that is the only way you will get comfort. Do the taking her flowers thing at random times, that will work well for you no matter if you are right or wrong; check her cell phone's incoming or recieved calls for strange numbers and call those numbers back from your phone to find out who they are. Most importantly, be nice through all of this, act like nothing is going on unless you intend to outright ask her, wh |
