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What signs will tell me if my girlfriend is cheating?

Tagged as: Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 April 2005) 75 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2012)
A , anonymous writes:

Please help..I feel my g/friend maybe cheating..What are the signs to look for? - serious answers from ladies and girls most appreciated..Thank you..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012):

Truth is once a gal feels that you are "all hers" she kinda loses that excitement, doesnt mean she doesnt love u, but she will begin to flirt

Am in my 30's and one thing has worked for me consistently - if u spot the signs of cheating, dont stalk, dont fret, dont beg for answers - act independent, ask once or twice and leave it at that, just do your daily stuff, job, school etc...its difficult and painful but gals are irked by guys who act independent..... the moment u show her that you cant live without her, u are doomed! if u are a bit younger, like teens its hard to pull this one, but the earlier you learn the trick, the better! Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011):

So i have a gf. And she says that she loves me and all, but she has a facebook account, and whenever i am online, she never talks to. I have to start conversations with her. Even then she never replies, saying that she is too busy studying fro a test. She liked this kid, and i think she is having an affair with him. She likes every single post of his, she is always online when he is, her phone is filled with his text messages. I am so pissed with her. Whenever i ask her if anything is going on between them, she replies by saying no, and then she starts getting defensive, and keeps saying that the other kid is just a friend and that nothing is going on between them. How do i make sure that she is telling the truth?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010):

Me and my girlfriend have been together for like 3 years but it's been a off and on relationship i'm madly in love with her and i think she does also because i was going break up with her this one time and she started to cry, telling me that i was just messing with her head and that she want's to have my babies and us to get married,and even after that we were still closer than ever. We're still in school and one day in class one of my friends was teasing her and i was kinda too and i laughed a little but she was always cool with stuff like that and after the class i tried talking to her but she just ignored me and i asked her if it was over and she didn't reply so i asked her again and begged her to answer please and she never even looked at me,so i said i guess it's ok and she just looked away, and nowadays she just acts like what we had never happen and i don't understand how could she just do that and it's really fucking with me,she treats me like a dog now, oh and ye she's not even mad at my friend that was teasing her, help me plz!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010):

Some facts on Women and Cheating...

1. a woman that is IN LOVE is VERY less likely to cheat.

2. a woman who is in a CONSTANT affair with another man will be able to stabilize her mood and hide her guilt better in time. You may never be able to tell if its an ongoing thing with another man and if she is in a relationship with you.

3. A woman who has cheated out of the blue, randomly, and for the first and the last time with a man, she will feel guilty and...

* She will avoid having sex with you.

* If you live with her, you can tell she is getting less intimate. ( trying to hide her body, not wanting you inside the room while she is putting on clothes ect.)

* She will keep Either ONLY HER GIRLFRIENDS texts with no male friend text at all OR no text in the inbox at all. If she used to keep texts in her phone and suddenly started deleting them, then thats a sign.

* If she all of a sudden set up a password for her phone.

* If she wont let you go through her photo albums on her phone...

* When you low key confront her, she acts as if you ACCUSED her of cheating like ''how do you expect that from me?'' etc. If she reacts too much

* If she suddenly stands up and walks around, getting phyically farther and farther

* If she out of nowhere, starts to go through YOUR phone, your computer, asking you questions about your whereabouts as if she doesnt believe you or she suspects that you are cheating on her.. she is PROJECTING her own behavior...

* If she gets detached and when you ask whats wrong, she gets defensive

* If she NEVER makes plans together anymore or cancel YOUR plans you made with her in advance,

* If she doesnt laugh at your jokes as she used to...

She might be cheating.

Also women who cheat get defensive in the face of even the slightest confrontation or a sarcastic remark by their man. They accuse their men of being macho, overprotective and jealous type if they are being asked questions related to their guilt.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010):

hello guys, i guess im in the same boat as you, my girlfriend went to uni on sunday the 19th of september and weve spoken most of the time, we had an amazing weekend, but i started to have dreams the first night she was away that she would be f***ing every guy there was, weve bin 2gehta 4 2 years and 2 munths, and ive loved every minute of it, id give my life for her hands down id do anything she wanted, i just cant let her walk away from this now shes gone to uni, we spoke earlia today and it was great but then all of a sudden she turned round and said that she had to go??? it was really unlike her, and ive been crying ever since, thats y i decided to come on here,

but neway, my x was cheating on me, and the way i found out was i got her to sleep over mine and waited until she was asleep, then i checked her phone, i no its abit pafetic but when u got a feelin, y let i linger, sort it out once and for all. thanx 4 reading guys wb

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010):

I have a "gf" that is always around my best friend, hugging him, and always talkin' to him.. She hardly ever talks to me, If we have a conversation, I'm always the one starting it.. I'm having these dreams that she's F*cking him, and I feel its true because she never lets me see her phone, He lives closer to her, I live about 5-6 miles away.. These dreams are just making me wanna put a bullet through his head even more.. I wake up cryin' from this horrible dreams that i've been having.. I been having "Sleep Paralysis" I don't know what to do.. I love her with all my heart.. Can someone please help me out??? It would mean a-lot to me.. Thank you!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010):

To all you guys out there i think a big indicator that your girlfriend is cheating is when she wont let you see her phone. Another big indicator is when she starts to get irritated with your affection, doesnt go about it the same way, or simply just doesn't want it at all. Yea but dont worry i can gurantee that you will find it sometime just be a detective. You have to be sneaky about it and trust me if she is cheating you will find it or atleast some sort of evidence that leads to it. Oh and by the way always check her phone she will likely delete her secrets, but if you grab up her phone at the right time and she doesnt know you have it just look through it and you might just find something.

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A male reader, dspinner United States +, writes (7 September 2010):

if your gf is cheating on you then you will know by the way she is acting and talking around you. if you ask her to hangout during the weekend and she says yes, but then later on she will might say something like i am grounded or i am busy this weekend in a different tone of voice then you will know that something is going on

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A male reader, dspinner United States +, writes (7 September 2010):

if your gf is cheating on you then you will know by the way she is acting and talking around you. if you ask her to hangout during the weekend and she says yes, but then later on she will might say something like i am grounded or i am busy this weekend in a different tone of voice then you will know that something is up. if she doesn't take your call for more than 5 days then you should realize that she is with another guy. during the summer of 2009 i went to a camp i have been going to for eight years. i was a two weeks late because i was on a cruise. when i got there i saw the most beautiful girl ever. we didn't talk my first day back. i guess it was because we were both a little nervous. i already knew she had a bf, so i didn't want to get in the way o that. the next day she came up to me and introduced her self. we started talking that whole morning and during our lunch time. when we went to Mind kill to go swimming i saw her talking to her bf at the food stand. i went over there i met her bf and her was a cool guy. when he didnt come to Mind Kill me and her just hung out a lot and some of the kids knew that she started to like me more than just a friend. we were friends for a week and a half till she broke up with her bf. i gave her two days to cool off. then i asked her out and she said yes. she was my first love. two days after i asked her out we went to the movies. she didnt go to the movies alot but we both had a good time. after that she had to go camping for a week with her family, so i was unhappy when she left. when she came back we hung out more and more at her house and mine. but after a while she didnt call me that much anymore. so i just figured we talked to much. but i really thought she loved me well she did but not enough. we dated for about two months and we are friends but i still love her while she goes out with different guys. the day before the last day of camp i had a sprained ankle and i couldn't go into the water so we didnt talk that much. after a while we didnt talk at all. i didnt know what to do, just before i was going to see her, my friend came up to me and said that she was cheating on me for some other guy. then i found out she had been dating him for two years. when she saw me on the bench she knew that i was told that she was cheating on me. she tried talking to me and say thing to make me fell better but i knew she was lying because she lied to me for two months when i told her i was sick of her lies she said the only thing she didnt lie about was that she loved me but i didnt really pay attention because my heart was broke for the first time. she didnt come to the last day of camp. after a couple of days she started to call me, but i didnt answer her calls my mom did and told her i would call her back but i never did. after a while i guess she got the message and stopped calling me. then i forgot all about her until i saw her at a party with some guy. she saw me and came up to me and tried talking to me but i ignored her and then finally said something hurt full and we never spoke again

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010):

Dear all,

Its a painful story.I have a girlfriend and for last two years we were dating. I left everything for my GF- my family, children. Now they are far away from me and never can be reunited. I did all this by trusting her love, I was a puppet in her hands. what ever she said i did everything. It was my first love in life. Now I am at late thirties and she 15 years younger to me. I believed She was madly in love with me.Even a single minitue late in calling her made her annoyed. We talked hours together both in day and night.

when I returned to my home town after a long tenure in other areas, we got many occasions to know even closer. We made physical relationships many times.I was ever ready to lead a life with her. On a fine day I even tied a knot in her neck in a nearby temple, and we were Hus and wife. All this I did because I love her a lot and I need her till my last breath.

But all of a sudden she deviated from me. A good proposal has been fixed, next week its her engagement and Next month marriage. she tells me its all due to her family compulsion. At the same time she is not ready to leave them and come with me.Now she tells me she need six months time, by New year 2011 she will break every thing and rejoin with me.

Now a days she never turns back. No phone calls, no mails.

She never turn up to my repeated queries.

I am broken from all the sides. I lost my family, friends everything only due to her.I never thought she will cheat me like this.My whole world was nothing but she. Still I love her more than anything. Should I allow her to head with this marriage? I got every evidence to stop this marriage. Pl help.

Pl understand my mental state.I lost my sleep, hungry.I am in a deep depression state, I cannot imagine even now she can be a cheater like this..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010):

if want to check out whther she still loves you then from now act the same as she was doing and see if she reacts on it shee still loves and if not then stop thinking about her and move on

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010):

me and my gf are in relationship for little more than a year. he has been so loving and she makes me feel that am her world. we work for the same organisation (even now) and that how i gotta know her. she was away from work for a month things changed when she came back from a month on sick leave as she had a mishap.

things changed when she returned. she stopped sharing her mobile with me. she was very busy on her personal calls. keep texting more frequently than usual. Stopped telling me things. all this raised my suspicion. So I started asking her whom are u texting / callin. She say the names of her friends (whom I know well) always. But I know its not true.

Off late she has no time for me, quite busy with office and work or other things. No frequent calls no frequent messages. It really worried me. So when ever I start to ask her about this, she says this is how even you are so why should I only do it? So I stopped asking here even this.

Once I happened to see her leave office and I was watching her. She rode her mobike till the end of our office road and she suddenly stopped. I got curious and I started to watch her carefully to know what is she up to. Then she took out her mobile and started calling somebody and lookin out for them. Then I saw some one who works with us walking towards her. Then he got on her mobike and they went away. I got furious. But I kept quite and I dint ask her anything.

Then recently when I went to her workstation to see her, I saw this guy sitting next to her and talking to her. They stopped their conversation suddenly and they dint know wat to do. I never reacted. She was curious to know wat was running in my head and I never reacted. This same incident happened once again. So when ever I asked her about his, she said we were just talking and she talk to him only when he starts a conversation. She dint know that I knew wat was happening in the back ground. I dint wanna confront cos I dint wanna hurt or embarrass her. So I asked her to decide whom does she wants – I told her, if she wants me stop talking to him and if she wants to continue talking to him stop talking to me. She said I cant stop talking to him cos he is not doing any harm to her.

I tried explaining many times that this will spoil our relationship but it never looks like she given a ear to it. As of now, it looks like a subdued relationship. I still love her but I donno whether she is loving me the same.

I donno whether she is cheating on me and whether she loves me or not. Can you guys helps help. Let me know what should I do and how to do it. Thanks.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010):

One of the main signs is she will act differently around you, be more awkward and more protective if you try to accuse her of cheating and she will try and turn it back on you.

Secondly she will be different around you sexually.

They are the main couple of things that she will do differently.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010):

how do i know if my girl going to call back

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A male reader, sp7750 United States +, writes (22 July 2010):

I don't know much about catching a cheating girlfriend but:

1)if she act like she doesn't have time for you anymore

2)if she can't look you in the eye when you ask her about it

3)if you call her after work and she never picks up her phone

or you can go to a website i found recently http://teck9.blogspot.com it'll tell you everything you need to know hope this helps...... Good Luck!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010):

What on earth is it with most of you folk here? Trying to break into email accounts, myspace etc...If you are taking things that far, then you need to either ditch the girls, see a doctor about paranoid behaviour, or both.

Listen, what is worth being in a relationship that encounters such manic mistrust? Take it from me, If it is REALLY her that is driving the mistrust (and not just your wild imagination) Get out of it asap, and don't look back. Delete her number, tell her to do the same. Go away for a couple of weeks and whatever you do. DO NOT TELL HER! Even if you dont go away, hijack every social gathering you can possibly achieve and get yourslf drunk, start meeting and taking home other girls, as many as you can, as soon as you can and do not get involved with any of them for at least a year. This is to get the mentalness of "that ex who tried to play mind games" out of your system.

Trust me, It works and as a bonus, does more than restore pride. It's like elightnment!! Your ex will forever be gutted, especially if she's a twisted b'stard and will see you as the one that "won" because to some women, that's EXACTLY what it's about...DUMP HER FIRST AND WITH DIGNITY!!! Dont make a mug out of yourself by stalking her (yes, including on the pathetic myspace et-all) and certainly dont tell her ANYTHING about your (hopefull) future conquests as it's an admission of still wanting her, and a true bitch will know that fine well.

Let her find that out from the "grapevine" It's far better.

Most girls I have been out with (im in my 30s now) have been geniune and decent, some a bit mad (like myself) but I have experienced real cows and have been in protracted relationships with such too. It is genuinly gut-wrenchingly horrible dealing (or trying too) with mistrust and can make some folk truly unhinged (hacking myspace etc???) but personaly, It made me lose a lot of self confidence and somehow that I couldnt do better...It also caused me problems at work too because my personality became erratic and nervy. A whole load of stuff in fact. I eventually moved out of our shared flat and moved in with a couple of friends(who were party mad singletons) and with their guidance, met and slept with as many females as I could get my hands on. Not because I am a desperado, but simply as a self-restoration exercise.

It worked within weeks. Previously I was going through a total head-f@ck and this was the one thing that actually obliterated all that anxiety/stress and whatever else that idiot of an ex caused. The best bit? The ex calling me, in front of a girl some time later, in tears and poring her bitter heart out. That was closure in itself.

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A male reader, lord Xenia United States +, writes (20 February 2010):

well i would just ask her if you really want to know i mean this happen to me over new year so she cried and we got back together ,but anyway you dont want to go through with all that again so just ask her one night and if she says i cant belive you asked me that just say is seems like you dont even like me anymore and that you have been ingoring me

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A male reader, Silentz United States +, writes (11 February 2010):

Well my girlfriend and i have been having a great relationship together for a while now...she was coming to my house everyday early and almost every night spending the night with me....and only being away from me when she had to and disliking having to be away from me for that period of time...when she would be here we would cuddle alot kiss alot and tell each other we love each other alot...wed also have sex atleast once a day and it would be great and shed compliment how good it was everytime just about...and i mean i no she enjoys it...anyways then one day she tells me she cheated on me the night before...i was like well i guess this means i cant be with you anymore then...and she cried and let me no she does really love me and wants to be with me...so i said well i guess we can stay together...but please dont do it again ....a while goes on and she spends so much time with me loses her cell phone stops buying minutes for it...and i just gained my trust with her back...then recently she got the phone back shes not letting me look at her phone so i can see whats been going on on it...she keeps her phone with her no matter what shes wearing...shell carry it if she has to...when i even so much as try to put my foot touching her leg in bed she moves it away after a minute or so...she usually now rolls over and gives me the cold shoulder...now...umm also i have the feeling shes cheating on me...in my gut...other signs of her cheating on me now...is shes dressing actually a little unattractive around me...she also doesnt want to have sex anymore...i havent had sex with her in about 4 or 5 days now...which is crazy cause we usually fuck alot...umm she even went into the bathroom to change into something more comfortable the other day and shes never acted like that around me shell usuall be butt ass naked as much as posible around me...anyways send me and email to [email address blocked]

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A male reader, charlie99 United Kingdom +, writes (25 May 2009):

The first thing I would comment on is the fact that you personally admit to floors in your behaviour

I.E .not paying her any attention, neglect by playing darts at your friends for by what you admit

To be achieve lengths of time, causing her to be jealous with your relation ship with your friends woman you could have corrected this by involving her and putting her at ease.

The fact that she started to spend time with another man is not good weather it were it just friendship or not, it shows that she is engaging with another man that in the least is not healthy for your relationship. The fact that he is giving gifts to your children in front of you suggests that he is being open

In away open but this could be just to deceive you or may be even her. If she has denied any involvement with this man it may be the truth and if she is scared as you say it at least it shows she as an attachment to you stronger to you than the one for him, for now at least.

I would say that your suspicions are in my mind correct but all is not lost you have a chance to put thing right by addressing the problems you have out lined above, decide your self how much this woman means to you and act accordingly, at the end of the day all you can do is tell her how you feel, she may need to know?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008):

Hello to everyone well first of let me just say from what ive read wow. There is so many things that are very very familiar. But every time she gets a text she deletes them and tells me it was just a girlfriend. I have been with this woman for around 14 years now and she is 18 years my younger. I am 49 she is 31 we have 3 children together and yes i started to lose interest in her. Didnt pay as much

attention to her started visiting a friend he and i played darts together. And his lady is a very nice person and my lady became very jealous because i was spending so much time at there place. We practiced darts all the time and that was what started things off. She started going to this blokes place for 2 t 3 hours at a time nearly everyday. He started giving her things like um for example coffee table toy boxes for the children bits and pieces. And if there was a problem with her car he would fix it for nothing. I approached her on the matter and she just said that nothing was going on. And i also found out from one of her girlfriends husbands that she asked her to go around and see him and to let him no that she is to scared to go come around. Because of what i will do if i find out about it so can anyone please help me are my suspicions correct or am i just barking up the wrong tree.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008):

well if she starts off will cancelling plans or not trying to go out of her way to see you, like girls usually do if they love you and if she becomes more reserved, than those might be some signs

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008):

The most common thing when your girlfriend cheats on you is by AVOIDING.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008):

my gf is in a different country than me and well it all started on myspace , 1st we were just friends then we started chatting on msn then she asked 4 my number and two months later she said she loves, me we're pretty young (me:18, her:17) but i knew she meant it and now i'd do anything 4 her.

our home country's r the same but she lives in uk cuz she studies there , she came twice and i couldnt see her both times so i promised that i'd come to uk and after a few months i did , b4 i came though her attitude was kinda different and i had thoughts that she didn't like me anymore anyway regardless i went 2 uk and i saw her and we hung out and i'm a shy person and she told me that she's afraid that when i come i'll act like i don't know her or like it's the first time i've seen her in other words act like she's a stranger , i didn't but i was pretty shy and couldn't do or say stuff i usually would + her friends came which made me in a tougher situation and even b4 i left i was 2 shy 2 hug her cuz her friends were behind her so she shook my hand and then i left but i felt so bad i called her and said i was sorry and my flight was the day after so i wanted 2 give her a better goodbye but she couldn't come i was even planning on missing my flight, anyway ever since i came back from uk she's been talking to me so differently , so cold and and said something about being a new person she used 2 talk with me alot and we never ran out of stuff to say but now i feel like she doesn't wanna talk 2 me now i always have to start the conversation and even if i do she talks without interest and closes the subject and i never know why and i start to suspect stuff and think of reasons and since we're in different countries i don't know what she's doing or who she's with, when i say i love her she doesn't say it back ( by text and msn ) and when i call her she doesn't answer or says she's busy and i tell her i'll call her later, she knows i love her more than anything and if anything happens 2 her i always blame myself 4 letting it happen and i never told her but i do get jealous when she talks 2 other guys and i always try 2 be there for her, i'm afraid of losing her i never did anything wrong but i always tell myself if i can do something better and i didn't than i did it wrong, she asked me what thing would make me hate her or not 4give her and i said you'd never do it so nothing, she asked me what it was and i said betrayal, i see her changing her pics and her personal msg although she told me she's busy and recently she told me she's so busy that she can't talk for 3 weeks and it's been 2 weeks since that but yesterday some1 was asking her something on myspace and she said i'll tell u on msn and i'm 100% sure that she hasn't signed in so she's probably appearing offline and avoiding me or maybe something else , the question is ;what is she doing and why? and if she's leaving me (i hope not cuz i love her so much) is it for that guy ( i noticed she talks 2 him alot and she talks 2 him pretty much the same way she used 2 talk 2 me) or for something else? and if i can fix this then tell me how , i'm just so confused and i don't wanna think anything bad of her but her friend wants to leave her bf but still didn't and she says it's cuz she didn't find anyone better , what if she's doing the same to me? i'm just so confused and i need help asap

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008):

Well right now im goin through some thangs wit my girl. im 16 and she's 15. This is our 3rd time goin out and its even worst then da first. I dont kno about other ppl tryin 2 gather info, but i actually have seen my girl with other boys. Girls can tell u wat u wanna here and ull believe it so that u can feel better. thats how i am. But if anyone ends up in this mess, jus let the girl go. unless she feel tha same about u, then dats not the girl u need. if ur stressed wondering were she's at and wat she's doing, she should be feeling da same way about u. But im still in my relationship, so i really need more help 2.

Dats all i have.

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A male reader, djmarke United States +, writes (5 June 2008):

Ok first thing I have to say is this: A relationship absolutely has to be 50/50 that means do not give give give

and get only one some from your partner. What happens is the person giving the least eventually loses respect for the partner and then bad stuff happens, IE. cheating, lying, stealing, backstabbing etc. I have lived this as the giver many times prior to waking up to the fact.

second: Jealousy is a no no and is caused from your own insecurities. With that said from my experience these are the possible signs of a cheat: he/she gets mad when you ask what he/she did while you were away. He/she gets defensive in the same situation. The person dresses way to good to go to work all of a sudden, More time spent on grooming then usual. In some cases a woman may douche more then usual out of fear you may smell the other guy. The blame game is a sign of the person trying to hide there guilt. Body language- a person lying most times will close there body from you such as arms and or legs crossed this is a subconscience move to hold the lies inside. Also when lying most people extend the story to many details as if to make you believe them even more. I am no expert just had good training and bad luck with relationships. If the one i'm in now fails I'm moving to the philipenes for the rest of my days, Oh and remember this: look for the obvious simple things because most guilty people only hide things they would thing of yet nobody things the same.

Goodluck, Mark

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008):

to the male reader, anonymous, who wrote on 5th of April 2008:

Some of what you have said seems to be what I have been going through with my GF, basicly from what I know of she has not kissed this guy. But I have found out serval things e.g (She used to sign onto msn and chat with him without my knowlage, she used to appear offline so i was not aware that she was online. She used to more or less text him at every possible chance she could, i manage to read/get hold of some of these messages. Quote from the last part of one text "I LUV animals but I LOVE you more")

Now at my kinda age "18" and her kinda age "16" the differnt between these too words means a lot. I'm not too sure what is still going on between us, we are cunrrently still together. But other things occur, for example whilst im trying to ring her. She will say she has a lot of Coursewark to do, but it seems mighty strange just how much she has. She seems to hesitate alot when she says things like she is making it up on the spot. But anyway, i hope some of that helps you. Your best thing to do is slip in slight questions without being susispicious, and try and drop things in that you know.

All the best..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008):

My GF of 5 years has dramatically changed over the last few weeks. I admit its not been an easy couple of years, we met at uni and moved apart a little, monies been tight and i didnt call or text her that often when i was out - which was a slight issue. whats made me feel all sick inside is that she has been spending alot of time at her friends house, shes known her for ages and often talks about her brother who has just been cheated on. shes been very cold and agressive, from a passive girly girl to just plain off. Were supposed to be moving in together soon, an issue she doesnt really get excited about anymore. she also tells me stories that are quite similar to our relationship, about her friend who was with some1 for 5 years and although she would have a good life she just didnt love him etc.. She didnt even take her shoes off after work one day so she could use my laptop (shes been poked on facebook by her ex. she told me but an e-mail to her friend i read said it was just some random guy... and you should see his picture!?! whatever that means)i have in a direct way told her my concerns and she started by back tracking a little to being loving. I still feel shitty inside and my confidence has dropped, im just trying too hard with her. Not really a solution or an answer as i dont know if she cheated but if she has then i know for the future. if not i need to sort my problem out!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008):

Ive been cheated on in the past and the tell tail signs have always been

they cant look at you in the eye, they seem upset/moody around you,

when you ask them if something is wrong and they say "nothing",and also if you go in to kiss her and she dosnt seem "into it"

a lot of these signs may just seem like she wants to break with you, but your best off casually sneaking in hints towards cheating such as saying "i despise people who cheat" and other things along those lines, if she cheated on you she will get upset.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008):

I need some help figuring some stuff out. Okay, when me and my girl first started dating, like within the first week and a half, she said she kissed this guy but it was only one kiss. I was hurt but I decided to stay with her. A few months later she tells me that they actually made out for the better part of an hour and he took her home and she kissed him again.

I was floored by this but once again, I stayed with her thinking it'd get better. Now she has given me reasons to believe that she might be up to more scandalous activities.

She has had this friend for awhile and I was always cool with it until they started talking a lot more than me and her and she started talking about how he was her best friend and yada yada yada he's so great. Then he did "something" to her to make her upset and now she hates him. I think she liked him and he chose another girl over her.

Then, just recently I went to see her at work and she said some guy had asked for her number but she told him "no." Later that night, we were hanging out and she got a text from a guy named Mark that said "Hmm...what do you want to know?" and she said that he was just a guy from a class and she needed help with an assignment. I would usually believe this but she was acting strange. When I told her that I didn't fully believe it, she got upset with me and started going off about how she can't believe I don't trust her and how I think she's cheating...which I never said.

Then tonight she got another text from him that said "Hello? Why aren't you talking to me anymore?" but she didn't tell me about it and tried to keep it hidden.

So, basically, I'm just wanting to know if the rest of you would be suspicious or if I'm just blowing this thing out of proportion? Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008):

Hello everyone im 16, and my gf is almsot 15,, we have been going out for two months yesterday, i am not trying to say anytthing but i need some answers or suggestions? Before we were going out and we were talking, we usta talk on the phone all day from school which gets out at 2:30 we talked from 3 until we went to bed nonstop on the phone, we still talk that long, but she never really talks or tries to spark a conversation, i am always the 1, and always replies with a 1 sentence remark, i ask her wut shes doing everytime she says nothing, i guess my eal question is does she really love me?, she gets mad at me alot lately over really nothign at all and i tel her im sorry even if i didnt do anything but she still insists that its my fault, and i talked to her bestfreind which is also my friend on the phone and shes said she flirts with other guys, and her friend also takes what i say to her and tells my gf that i am talking bad about which i would never do id rather die, i truly love her, and my gf believes her friend.

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A male reader, Girls Lie Too United States +, writes (7 March 2008):

Several of the answers i have read are very accurate. My biggest problem that i have had with my gf of 1 1/2 years is she always tried to make it out as though i was not truthful. No matter what the problem we were experiencing she would always somehow drag it in that "she just couldn't trust me". I honestly tried harder to insure that she "trusted me" than sometimes i think to do any of the basics. I am 44 years old and i am sick and tired of girld lying and their bs. She started not wanting to be affectionate and would start an argument over nothing at all. I nailed her ass to the floor though after I knew I wasn't doing anything and i got sick and tired of being blamed for everything under the sun. I put her under surveilance for about a month. I used electronic recording audio and video), i stealthed her pc and i got all of her cell phone records, voice calls and text messages. What i found nearly blew my mind. I had totally trusted this girl and would take nearly all of the blame. She was on her phone day and night either caling or texting him-some of the time before and after we would have been talking. I indeed loved and cared about her but after i found all of the truth out about her it helped to ease the pain and made it easier to go on. She made a big mistake with me. I indeed loved her and wads true to her. She covered her own sins and lies by trying to tyransfer the blame to me. I stopped her dead in her tracks. Thank God it happened this soon and not down the road or after we had of gotten married. Any of this sound familiar tp anyone?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008):

Hi Mate I know it is very hard... First of all i read most of the stories and i feel your pain i really feel sad for all the man that have been cheated on... This is life, God wants us to understand that life is a challenge that you must get through successfully.

I'm 19 years old currently Going university from 8 to 12 and working from 12pm till 5pm!!! My girlfriend goes to university from 3 o'clock till whatever time they finish.

Yesterday :S i left work at about 4:50 and I went by her university with my car, she was walking down with another man, I felt like the whole sky was down on my head and really wanted to shoot that mudhaphucka I know you guys know how that feels. She ran fast got onto my car, she has been speaking about that guy for some time now and always telling me how only them 2 chill together and they have so many things in common, while I was always thinking that it was only university friendship if you know what i mean.

I havnt spoken to her for a day now, shes my first serious girlfriend, i bought her everything introduced her to my family friends everything I do I let her do it with me, While her parents dont know about me most of her friends dont know and she likes a hidden relationship...

If I was asked to walk on burning ground through 100000 knifes because she needed it, I would do it without thinking twice. I hate the fact that people look at my girl i have gotten to so many fights were i had to bleed by getting stabbed 13 times on my body, i was still standing and fighting, my body was wasted but it was the love that kept me going, i had nearly killed 9 of the 17 men that i fought myself, I am 6 ft 4 inch currently i do martial arts and love sports. i feel like ive been traited just by seeing her walk down the street with that man :S i feel like shit and really dont know what i should do i am thinking to end the relationship but my heart beat starts to beat differently when i even think about it :s im scared its the first time in my life that im scared, my father is very rich im currently a millionaire but i would give everything for her :S now i just dont trust her no more..... i love her to death i would have never done such a thing to her or never even think about doing something bad

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008):

look mate dont listen to these wierdos about hacking into your girlfriends email, i am in a similar position but what you have to ask yourself is do you trust her coz love is nothing without trust, just think mate!!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008):

its worrying how many women say "everyone cheats" because believe it or not, most men would say they'd never dream of cheating on someone they love. i know i wouldn't. my girlfriend asssures me that she wouldn't cheat on me but i can't be sure, this si because she has brought up ending a couple of times saying "this is so serious" and "im not ready for such an intense relationship" but we have only been together 6 months. is this a sign that she is cheating? please reply soon (preferably from a woman)

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A male reader, Blueboy United States +, writes (20 December 2007):

I have dated my girlfriend for over 4 years, She just started this new job for 2 months now I have been working late till 11pm so we haven't been seeing each other as of late. I start noticing that she doesnt want to cuddle with my @ night anymore, she always wanted to cuddle and I would hate it but would try. She starts to nag about everything in my life! We've been fighting alot, which I don't want too. But she would start it and would always have an edgy attitude. And as of now she wanted to break up because of all these reasons all of sudden? just 3 months ago we were planning out our lives together I was ready to go back to school and all. I feel like ever since she's gotten that job she has change! So now we're broken up and she still has her cloths and stuff here. She will be moving out next month because she's waitig on her apartment is what she told me. Our communication has gotten really bad now she can't really give me a full reason why she is leaving me. NOt only that she would come home late sometimes and be very protective w/ her cell phone! there will be deleted calls or her txt msg will be deleted. She now buys new underwear bra's she shaves more often down there now too. She doesn't sleep at our apartment anymore she tells me she goes and stays at her brothers house because it's to tough for her to see me because she says it's sad? I would sometimes drive by her brothers house around midnight and not see her car there. I asked her she said she sometimes stays at her co-worker "girl" which I've met before. I don't know where she lives but she said she would sometimes stay there because work is alot closer? 1 night I decided to just txt her and told her that "I know you're seeing someone else! and that Im tossing all her cloths outside! I told her to respond back to me but she didn't a few hours later she shows up! and was worried that I have toss her cloths away which I didn't she was crying and told me that I shouldn't do this. it's really hard on her right now and that I have no clue on what's going on that I should calm down. "she cries alot too" I went down to FL this weekend to visit family I came back and checked her dirty laundry and she started to wear thongs alot now!! she would usually wear them for more spiecal occasions but now she's constantly wears them? not only that I checked the ones that was in there and it had a bit of her "juice" if you would call it. And the thongs and panties she had in the dirty basket would have her perfume on it? would does this mean? Im worried. This has never happend to me. I feel like I don't have enough evidence to prove anything? I have asked her before she would only get madd! HELP PLEASE LADIES AND GENTELMAN! I NEED ANSWERS AND ADVICE! Thanks!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007):

never letting her phone out of her sight, putting make up on when she wouldnt be fore

tanning her self, buying lots of new underwear, being snappy with you, avoiding you, cant hold eye contact when she is answering your questions, ask her where she has been, then ask her again about an hour after if she tells you the same thing word for word like she is telling a story then she is lieing

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007):

she'l not have sex with u for a start, she'll seem like a complete different person, stop puttin likes of babe and stuff in txts they'l jst be straight forward txts, u'll no straight away, cause it jst dont feel wright, thats how a found out about my girlfriend sneakin with some one else.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007):

I had a girlfriend of 8 years and found out she was cheating. She claims she still loves me and misses me and it was the worst mistake she ever made . I found out through a female friend of hers , she worked at at holiday apartment resort and was doing night security checks as there had been some guests reporting thefts we lived one street away from these apartments . She would tell me that she would check late into the evening as this was what the manager had requested , i thought it was strange that a women on her own would be asked to perform security checks with no back up or training , when i asked about it she would say its ok and she was a tough little thing. When you love someone as i did i never thought she could be cheating , anyways she was seeing guys in the vacant rooms! and it was only the honesty of her friend that filled me in on what was happening . One last thing is this , never and i mean never talk to your new partner about being cheated on by your last partner as no women wants to hear about your ex even if she asks you ! refrain at all costs . I had a relationship of 4 months with a very jealous girl and when she asked about my last relationship she could not handle the fact i had been cheated on ,she then believed i would go back to my cheating ex! . Once a lover has cheated it is never the same again. You must move on no matter how hard it is , confide in your mates and family but wipe the slate clean.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007):

My girlfriend and I been dating for 5yrs. She told me I wasn't as romantic like when we first met. She said her friends would make her jelous when they would talk about there spouses because I didn't do the things that her friends spouses would. She also said that our relationship was having problems which was news to me, I thought everthing was fine.

Well, I managed to get her myspace password, which turned out to be a guys name. I went threw her messages and he left messages about there phone conversations, and says hes glad shes back in his life and that he loved her. I called her and asked her who was this guy, she said and old high school friend thats it. I waited a few minutes then called her back and told her I got off the phone with him and he said he was in love with her.. She said she didn't know why he was saying that, there just friends. Afterwards, she tryed to text him to ask him if I called him, but she texted me instead.

She says that she never cheated on me and the guy has been having a crush on her since high school. She said she started talking on the phone with him because she was confused. I thought about taking her back and trying to spend more time with her and making it work. I will never know the whole story and if she was telling the truth. But, I will never be able to trust her and I can't live in doubt, so I decided to end our relationship. What makes it harder is that I have a kid with her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007):

well,one of the things might be that you are the one starting the conversation how much she means to you and she is somehow avoiding to tell you the same. Try to see if she is really there when she is talking to you,or if she is going to see her :friend" more often than usual.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007):

doesnt want to do stuff with you anymore, always here there and everywhere, always on her phone, never home on time, always in nice underwear, always needs to look good regardless, always smells nice...hope that helps xoxox hit me back if you need a bit more

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007):

Well i had been in two relationships were the girls were bith cheating on me. Those two relationships were not the only ones i have been in either. Well the first one was the worst me and a girl were going out for like about a year we went to a house party so i went to my friends to say hi and had a couple of drinks then i wanted to look fore her because she wasnt there so i went to all the rooms and nothing until i got to the last room i see her and my bestfriend sleeping with each other so i beat the shit out of the kid and got arrested. (so that is not the best route to go with if you catch your girlfriend cheating on you.) So i left her. The next time i caught my girlfriend cheating on me was with her bestfriends boyfriend. That was going on for a month before i found out. Here are the signs i saw with this one. We all hung out a lot and had a good time. He would make jokes about us all having sex and switching off and shit like that. Then my girlfriend started asking me about all the people i had slept with. And she started crying when i told her. Also she was saying you know how people who cheat in relationships can fix things and still be ok. Also she was always accusing me and asking me if i was cheating on her so she kept trying to put me down. So her bestfriend went on her boyfriends myspace and saw all the flirting messages they were having. she had sent them to me so we both dump them and we started dating. My girlfriend to out to be a alcholic junkie, and her boyfriend is in jail for robbing a deli. But just watch out for the girls to gget very paranoid, and very suspicious.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007):

ATTENTION:

The easiest way to find out of they are cheating is to simply install an "Invisible KeyLogger" ...google search it they are all over the place.

I got all of my girlfriends passwords to her Myspace, Email accounts, Phone PixPlace....everything.

If you cant find dirt with that...there isnt any. Also Check her phone discretely when she is sleeping.

Also while the panty check method and all that other crap may help...its not solid evidence... What are you going to tell her? "Your underwear smelt like semen!" ?

Thats not half as satisfying as printing out 30 pages of flirty "How big is your dick?" "I could be there in 20-30minutes depending on how horny I am" messages and throwing it in her face. Watching the horror in their eyes at being so caught takes away from the sting that you've been wasting all this time with a whore.

Remember the biggest key at this point is FOLLOW THROUGH. Once you've caught them you havent solved the problem...you caught them and if you dont catch them again its definetly not because they arnt up to the same behavior its because they have simply gotten better at hiding it from you!

DONT SHOW YOUR HAND UNTIL THE GAME IS -OVER-

It may be hard but reguardless of how hot or whatever...kick that bitch to the curb once you've caught her. The best thing you can do in this situation is walk away and let her know she was the piece of shit in that relationship.

Be nice while doing it, "I love you but you've just hurt me to much" "Im going to miss you, I wish things could have worked out between us, I really Loved you" "I love you, I just wish you had been ready for what we had" ...be the nice guy when you leave, it makes it harder...but dont forget to LEAVE.

If you stay they wont respect you and when you do eventualy leave rather than being the one that got away cause they fucked it up...you are now the sucker and who gives a shit you obviously didnt have what it took to satisfy her. ..staying in a situation like that is blood in the water to your partner, ..why would they wana be with such a pussy anyway.

Good luck, ...atleast you didnt find out she was a whore while she was 4 months pregnat with your child like I did ;)

You can get the keyboard loggers on the internet, some of them will even email all of their keystrokes to you so you dont have to ever go on their machine =)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007):

You can tell if they seem quiet around you, as in more quiet than usual, and bring up certain male name(s) in conversations (not so sutley on a regular basis. If they start arguments, hint about ending the relationship. Those are the main ones to think about.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007):

Ok, I have experience of this matter in one of my relationships. The important thing to remember is that she kinda isn't cheating on you .... often she's cheating on the relationship.

This sounds dumb huh? What I mean is, let's say you've been with a girl for a few years and the relationship settles down ... like they all do. Often people miss the rush and excitement that goes with a new relationship and hence they go off and find it elsewhere. Essentially she wants that hit from a new partner. She's not mature enough to realise that initial hit soon fades and you're left with a steady relationship. It's still fun but it's the time when you've discovered pretty much everything about each other.

Now consider this. The guy she's just hooked up with ... you reckon he's going to be happy with a girl that has a proven track record of cheating? Nah of course not. That's likely to end in disaster sooner or later.

You're better off out of it. Don't let your confidence erode through the initial break-up phase. Use it as a time to change yourself a bit. Join a club, workout or buy a sports car .. whatever. There's no better way of revenge than 2-3 years down the line when you see your ex pushing a pram, looking haggered from lack of sleep and her abusive boyfriend whilst you're muscled up, driving around on the convertable porsche with your new stunning girlfriend.

Kick her out and maintain dignity at all times.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007):

Okay - I've read a fair few people mentioning 'less affection' as a sign of cheating. I have to say, I think that's more or less an awful sign to base your certainties on. I mean, I've been going out with my girlfriend for ages now, and for the first year we spent every moment together, being really lovey-dovey and quite possibly sickening from a third person perspective, constantly kissing, hugging, holding hands, tickling and whatnot. After being together for so long, we don't need to be as affectionate towards each other, we both know that we love each other like crazy so there's no need to keep 'building' a relationship once its already built. Sure, we still kiss each other, whisper sweet nothings and have random play fights, but nowhere near the amount we did in our first year. There's always a honeymoon period after going out for the first time where you can't keep your hands of each other, and after about 10-11 months youll find that theres no need to accelerate any more, and just cruise in 5th gear.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007):

Well there are good comments here but i have been in a relationship for 8 years and been married for 7 of thoes years.

The first sign is to watch her body actions when your together if she seems twitchy and impationt as to say hurry up and leave, then you know shes more interested to go out to see the secret lover.

another sign is her smell if you can smell a mans scent on her then there IS a possible chance she has been cheating.

another sign is when you make plans to go out but then if she makes up excusses not to met you till later in the day then there is someone she is goin to met.

another sign is if she trys hard to please and pamper you, she will have her regrets and thinks that if she keeps you pampered then you wouldnt expect anythink.

solutions,

you could always follow her when she goes out at night so you can see what shegets up to.

another one is to take her out and go to buy a present for her if shes a honest girl then she will tell you before you get the presant if not then she is just enjoying the presants.

check her texts and her call register if there is someone you are not sure of then comfront the boy and he should tell, it took 4 punches for this boy to open his mouth.

well i hope this helps you

bt if you dnt fall in love then there will b no pain after!!!

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A male reader, gandalf55555 Jersey +, writes (10 June 2007):

Here's my advice, it's not what you might expect, but it's the best thing I can think of. A few years ago, this girl I went out with cheated on me, and I saw absolutely no signs whatsoever. There was nothing that could have lead me to suspect she was cheating, so either I was just very very stupid, and was ignoring the signs, or they were very discreet. All I can say to you is, if you can't spot any signs, just go ahead and ask her, and if she replies with "of course not! how could you think such a thing?" or something like that, just tell her the real reason why, because then she'll appreciate your honesty. Good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007):

my girlfriend is a realtor and she will lie to everyone. little lies here and there. she is always lieing to cover up behind her self. for instance if she missed an apointment she will never tell anyone the real reason. she will make somehting up.

the other night her and i were watching tv in bed.. she said she felt sick and needed some water and some sugar, thought she was low on blood sugar. i tried to ask her quesions to figure out why she was sick. i could smell alcohol on her breath. and wanted to know if she had been drinking earlier..

i know she likes to go out and drink with her clients.

but she refused to tell me the truth stating that she had not had a drink at all zip zero not at all!!!

finally with persistance i was able to get the truth out.. and that was not cool for me at all to hear that she was drinking and would not tell me the truth..

among other things she has said or done. i no longer her trust her and am beginning to hate her

she is smoking hot and this is a problem i know i need to leave her because there is no longer any trust for her. so wish me luck. i dont know if i can break up with her

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007):

I know I have been through it myself the pain is excruciating, you lose all self confidence and start doubting yourself in a lot of ways but the fact is she is in the wrong not you.

I found out by investigating her phone to start with, the mobile is always a tell tale sign i.e. messages or calls lists etc if it is happening it will be in the phone.

The next step was to confront the callers on her phone - He who dares wins!! anyway sure enough I spoke to the actuall guy who admitted it.

I think the moral is that deep down you know because things are just not normal and her character will change, staying out late, going out more etc etc. The signs are always there its just whether you choose to believe them and want to follow through what your mind is telling you especially when you want to trust her - Bottom Line is YOU WILL KNOW DEEP DOWN - so confront it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2007):

A cheating Girlfrined is the worst thing, I think that can happen to a person, beside losing someone. There are many ways to tell, that I've found out. One, watch her eyes, the eyes tell a lot about a person. She might feel distant or doesnt really want to be touched be you, and even though she may tell you she feels that way towards other people. But like I said, watch her eyes when she tells you that. Another way of telling is reading her MSN log. MSN is powerfull tool, inthe options, under messages, there should be a unchecked box. check it, and make sure you have a special path/place to save the logs. some where she wont look. MSN will be helpful because shes think no one is listen in or reading for that matter. One thing you could do is take her to do stuff and ir you are thinking about getting her a present. you might want to rethink that. It could go good or bad. Good is the way she will feel so guilty she'll come out and tell you straight out. Bad is the way she'll still cheat on you and might leave you in the end, making you feel soo shitty inside. It will hurt, im not going to lie. It's going to hurt for awhile, and you will not feel like dating for awhile as well. But stay claim, cool and think things through before doing anything. Also try and not tell a lot of people about your inner most feelings. Romours are started that way and Romours are a very bad thing. Things are going to be tough, its going to hurt, and you are going to feel like you cant love any one that way again, its not true, you will. It takes time, and Time is a nasty thing.

As of two weeks ago my girlfriend cheated on me with a guy she met before but hooked up online. it only took a month and a half to destroy a 3yr 10 month relationship. they did everything, and the worst thing is i figured everything out and she never told me a thing. we're still living together til the end of the month when I help her move back move so she can be with him. I've stayed claim the whole thing through and I am going to stay that way. I see myself better than that and I will survive. and I dont think she'll come back either, but if she did. would it be worth it?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007):

First off you need to just ask her if she still loves you. When she answers you look in her eye's if she is lying to you then her eye's will tell you.

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2007):

AskEve agony auntHi love,

Okay, here is a run down for you. One way to tell if she's cheating is to catch her lying about a matter. You can follow her eye movements to tell if she is lying. Ask more questions if she looks uncomfortable or uneasy. If she tries to create stories out of nothing and doesn't try to LOOK at you while speaking then the possibility is there that she IS cheating.

Partners who are cheating are often guilty of their actions. They will apologise over small mistakes and go out of their way to make you happy or feel pampered. She will also start showing less interest in you and will want to spend more time alone, so suggest going with her when she goes out, even if it's just a short trip, tell her you need the fresh air (and watch her face!).

Is she still being intimate with you or has this got less? Is she always tired or making excuses that she's tired? If this part of your life has lessened then this alone is a good indication she may be cheating.

When your partner is away frequently then call her on her phone to see if it's busy or turned off. If it does ring out, then hang up before she answers, you know her phone's on or not busy and that was the main reason for you calling. (You can withold your number easily at these times so make sure and do that first so she doesn't get suspicious that it's you.) But make sure the number's NOT witheld when you genuinely do need to call her as it will register on her phone as being witheld or not! (You've got to be one step ahead of her all the time).

Also check closets and pockets to look for any scribbled-down phone numbers or meeting places. If you find an unknown number then call it and see who picks up. If it's not a familiar voice then ask questions to learn where they live and who they are. If you can, check her cell phone if she leaves it lying around then do so and check the phonebook (If it's not locked - which is another sign of course). Jot down all suspicious numbers and call them and notice the tone of the other person when he picks up the phone. Think carefully what you're going to say but DON'T tell him who you are at this point!

When she comes in go up and give her a kiss immediately and smell her to see if there is a "man's smell" lingering somewhere, aftershave is the giveaway here. Even check her panties for 'signs'!!! Watch carefully when she arrives home, does she always seem to head to the shower immediately?

Another way to catch her is to follow her in a car. See where she goes, what she buys and who she meets. Take a friend along with you for moral support and/or use their car). If you can, try to show up suddenly somewhere and be surprised to see your partner there. (Friend stays in the car of course). Notice her reaction. If she is happy to see you then there's nothing to worry about. If, however, she looks flustered or worried and wide-eyed, then she is surely hiding something. Ask her questions to clarify things a bit.

If nothing seems to work, go back and carry on with your investigation till you come up with something solid. Confront her ONLY when you have enough evidence against her and then decide what should be done next. If you keep on her case and she IS guilty, she WILL slip up, it's only a matter of time.

If, after a time and you still can't prove it then the last thing to try would be to hire a private investigator. They will certainly be able to come up with evidence but it can be costly and only used as a last resort.

Isn't all this is a bit devious....? Yes... but you'd never do it if you didn't have good cause to. Cheating on a partner breaks every rule in the book between you. It is a sign that the relationship is not going well and is in trouble and THAT is what the roaming partner should be addressing and working on, NOT running into the arms of another as this solves nothing, only escalates and makes the problem much worse!

I hope this helps.

Eve

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A male reader, blueorion United States +, writes (31 January 2007):

Cheating woman huh? Man I feel for you if she is doing it. You have to realize first and foremost, if she is cheating on you and you have irrefutable proof, then this is the best thing that could have happened to you as you know for sure now who she REALLY is. Finding out years later is the worst part as that time in your life is gone now.

I would say one thing that hasn't been mentioned, and it requires a real trooper who is willing to go on a special mission.... you can always check her panties. When a woman has sex, if it is with a condom there is going to be the smell of rubber, possibly discharge of nonysnol 9 (sperm killer) or condom lubricant. This is easy to smell on panties, just make sure you take your time.... Your heart will be pounding and anytime you are mistrusting someone you almost want to find something as it eases the jealousy some as you would know for sure. Not knowing is the killer. Anyway, if she didn't use a condom, which lets hope she did if she cheated on you, then you can also detect an increase in discharge with the scent of semen. Now the second one you have to be careful with because the female body produces different amounts of discharge at different times of the month.

Just be careful, and above all things remember this.... No-one is worth your heart drying up and ceasing to function. If she is cheating on you, don't freak out, just be calm, tell her how your felt about her, and then tell her that you don't want to say it, but "this is goodbye".

You also have to realize that with this, with you leaving her it is going to make her want you more. So you need to sever the relationship completely. No "lets be friends" or anything like that... she cheated on you, she doesn't even deserve your friendship as that is what a relationship should always be first. Trust me, 9 times out of 10 they will want to come back because they can't have you, and you WILL be tempted as I am sure you cared for her a great deal otherwise you wouldn't go to this much trouble.... You would have already left her if that wasn't the case.

Communication is also key. With everything that you have written, I would say chances are not good for your relationship my brother. But if you are not sure if she has been loyal or not and you continue the relationship still harboring doubt, the best thing for you to do is end it. Jealousy is an ugly beast, and suspicion is it's mightiest weapon. If you decide to stay never knowing the truth, it will be better for you just to end the relationship. Trust me, it may take a month, 6 months, a year to get over her, but no matter how long it takes, at least you started today.

Good luck to you my friend... May you find the truth, and I pray it is not painful but the begining of the best chapter in your life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007):

if they dont tell you the truth when you ask straight away,

like being vague about everything,

then there cheating or wanting to,

remember all females want better than you after they have been with you awhile,

what you should do is dump them after 3 weeks dont fall in love,

you should only get serious when there 50+

females go with anything

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006):

I just found out my girlfriend is cheating on me. Of course, I have always had a lot of signs staring me in the face. some of course more obvious than others, some that can always be construed as not full-proof evidence. Some of the signs I have had..

opened box of condoms in her purse when she went to go see a "friend" who turns out to be her "ex" who she tells I'm some family member of hers and then finding a recently used wrapper of the same kind and brand in a spot frequently used by us.

Also had disappearing condoms from her purse that she had in there. once it was there before she went to go see a friend that I drove her to go see who I couldn't or she didnt want me talking to and it was gone when she got back in the car.

She's had guy friends who she wouldn't tell that i'm her boyfriend and of course they were always the jealous type who like her or she didn't want to hurt their feelings. I was either just a friend or family member.

Putting on makeup and making herself up to go see "only" a friend.

Constantly getting angry at me for little things I couldn't control like traffic or when she gives me vague directions to where she wants me to be without telling where to be and what she describes could mean a thousand other things or places. Basically, just trying to pick a fight... though she always seemed to miraculously become nice and things were good again when she needed something.

Don't talk as much and when we do, she gets angry easily or we talk and then she gets "tired" and says she is going to goto bed, but remains online for hours afterwards. of course after she does that and then clicks over and says hello though she's still talking to me.. is another sign that reads she's says she's going to bed to talk to some other guy.

Of course the above could be misconstrued and be splitting hairs. But more concrete evidence I found was gotten by "spying" which I won't use because she would just turn it against me and make me the bad guy like she normally does.but it's still a good feeling for me to know that my gut feelings have been right..

Like seeing email msgs to this other guy about wanting to be together in more than friend ways, and others with worries they were going to break up and me being referred to as her ex.

One more thing I have learned is that the line "don't excuse me of cheating unless you actually see me with someone" is problaly a dead ringer especially if this is after some pretty solid evidence.

But in the end for me.. it's still good to know because it confirms my concerns and gives me a better stance to move on when that happens. But who knows, it may just make things better.. but i really doubt it will.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006):

Here is a little trick that I learned from my old man years ago:

ask her if she would like to have sex with another man, but find a creative way to state it that you know will draw her in so she will contribute valuable data to your research.

you really have to play cat and mouse with this one, and women want you to, it allows them to feel like they are in control 100%.

99.9% of women will say "no" to this while considering their options and what it might really be like to have two men drooling down their "hoohah" at the same exact time; believe me, I know that is the first thing that goes through a womans head. We just don't admit it.

Most girls or women who cheat do it for all the wrong reasons. They are either angry, undersexed, underromanced, or just plain doing all of this to themselves because they wanna be a bitch and take their "raggin it pretty hard this month" out on somebody. Truthfully, the only one this hurts is themselves. Fact is, men will share, you just have to work them into it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006):

All people cheat. We just have our own ways of doing it and hiding it from the ones we love and vice verca.

Spy on her, passively, but do it in an aggressive enough manner that will be self pleasing, that is the only way you will get comfort. Do the taking her flowers thing at random times, that will work well for you no matter if you are right or wrong; check her cell phone's incoming or recieved calls for strange numbers and call those numbers back from your phone to find out who they are. Most importantly, be nice through all of this, act like nothing is going on unless you intend to outright ask her, which I assure 99.9% of the time will result in one of two things, her lying, or it blowing up in your face. And no, not trusting someone is not cheating or as bad as it. You have every right to be suspicious if you choose to be and give yourself reassurance or protection. No one should be making you feel bad for trying to protect you or your intrests, which may be your life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006):

All people cheat. We just have our own ways of doing it and hiding it from the ones we love and vice verca.

Spy on her, passively, but do it in an aggressive enough manner that will be self pleasing, that is the only way you will get comfort. Do the taking her flowers thing at random times, that will work well for you no matter if you are right or wrong; check her cell phone's incoming or recieved calls for strange numbers and call those numbers back from your phone to find out who they are. Most importantly, be nice through all of this, act like nothing is going on unless you intend to outright ask her, which I assure 99.9% of the time will result in one of two things, her lying, or it blowing up in your face. And no, not trusting someone is not cheating or as bad as it. You have every right to be suspicious if you choose to be and give yourself reassurance or protection. No one should be making you feel bad for trying to protect you or your intrests, which may be your life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006):

my girlfriend has been really off with me latly and ive taken her back 1 time before but i dont feel she loves me n e more we have been 2gether for 2yrs and i aint been unfaithful!!!! wat signs or clues are there that she myt be doing to prove that she is cheating ??? girls help???

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006):

my girlfriend kept going to m8s houses and staying there the nite so if she is doing that she is prob cheating on u wid 1 of her m8s friends mine did, i found out my gf had been sleepin wid the person aswell when they went round er m8s house

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006):

Probably not spending as much time with you. or leaving early.

or she may be paying alot of attention to you so you dont get supicious. My G/F did that and a week later i found out she was cheating on me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006):

I would try to spend more time with her. Don't hint to any conclusions that you think she's cheating, as she WILL get a little angry, or worst, very angry. There were times when I

belived my girl friend was cheating, but it was simply my poor judgement. Nonetheless, I feel its rather natural to be alert about other men she is friends with, though, in a trusting matter. It would seem that if she gets jealous sometimes and you get jealous sometimes, then you both love each other. :)

But if she is not concerned about where you go, where your at, and who your with, then maybe she's cheating on you. Maybe even worst she may not love you. Don't try to make her jealous, but see if she's concerned about you. Tell her

you want to meet some of her new friends. Ask her how the relationship is going, good or bad? And above all else pay attention to her and listen closely. Is she still in the mood to have sex? Does she lie about anything at all? Or does she fail to say where she's going, until she comes back? SO if you want to really find out the wrong way you can start spying on her. There is technology that can record sounds for hours and transmit those sounds afar.

I think your best solution is to talk and communicate. Remember to listen her and pay attention to how she feels about the relationship. Most girls don't cheat if there happy witht the relationship. Take it first hand from experience. I KNOW.... Good luck.

[email address blocked]

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006):

When you asked her, did she say "no"? However you know that NO ONE can make something out of NOTHING!!!!!The feelings are coming from your conscience,the purest form of the truth without a voice. If your gut(conscience)tells you cheating is on the horizon,IT IS!!!That is the BOTTOM LINE.If you're asking yourself if your mate is cheating and you HONESTLY aren't.Then SHE IS.Starting anew is cheating too,as long as they still have a partner.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005):

Here's the surefire way to tell if your girl is cheating:

You need to take a very close look inside her vagina. I'm talking pretty up close and personal. it may be best to do this when she is asleep or passed out from the roofies. Then look inside. If when you look in her vagaina, you see another man's penis... she's cheating.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2005):

Talk to her, get a good strong eye contact and ask her what you need to know. If she has any respect or love for you, there will be a tell if she is lying, for example she might break eye contact for a split second when shes answering you. If she can lie to you you will be able to catch her out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005):

Dont look for signs, just ask, but make sure its not in an accusing way. Keep it simple, and dont play detective, chances are,that might just blow up in your face!!! -ALEY KAT

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005):

ok, here goes, I have been cheated on in the past and at the time of these two relationships i had no idea of what signs to look for. Now after these relationships I can see clearly the what I should have noticed. A: does the relationship appear to be one way, ie you are giving yet not recieving? B: does she say she is going out with friends or to do something pointless but "you CANT come" and even though its nothing special she is going out to do, she still finds time to dress up as if she is going to a bloody ball? C: Is she cranky when you are affectionate toward her or when you give her a present (ie flowers) do you recieve a half assed smile and the most drivilling kiss ever? D: Is it like talking to a brick wall or a tormented teased starved lion, when you try to have a loving or even just meaningfull conversation? E: Are you just paranoid (take time to think bout this one!!)? F: Are you trying to be everything every f***ing womans magasine and femenist says a man isnt but should be? excluding "E" if you answered yes to the folowing questions your girlfriend is either: cheating or she's just bein a bitch!

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A male reader, PsychicHigh +, writes (17 November 2005):

Spying on your girlfriend may not be the best answer, but it just possibly be the only way to find out for sure.

Try what you can to convince her that your relationship with her should be the only one that's above being just friends. Romantic dates, just giving her a massage after school/work, doing more with her even if it means just hanging out with her at the mall with everyone's friends.

But when not with her, do a call ever so often to remind her how much you love her, you know a call just to talk for a few minutes.

You may just think she is by being insecure about yourself. Try getting a nice haircut, change a few of your clothes to something nicer and feel better about yourself as well.

Even though even considers a sexy body as being what's sexy, it's the persons personality and confidence in themselves are truly what's attractive.

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A female reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx United Kingdom +, writes (21 July 2005):

xxxsoulsistaxxx agony auntThis is very hard, as sometimes, you could swear they're cheating but it ends up being nothing but your own paranoia! Be careful and find out more information before you go asking. Some people will tell you 'talk to her' 'ask her' but this is not the answer, she will not tell the truth!

Check he phone whenever you can, messages, new names in the phone book etc. Find out where she's going and surprise her with phonecalls or even a visit! I know it's pathetic but you want to know, don't you?!

Signs to look for are her being less affectionate, distant, not telling you she loves you as much, avoiding important issues about the two of you (like the future, for example). Also, she may seem uncomfortable about doing anything sexual. See how she reacts when you make a move. Does she have a shower more often, maybe every time she comes in the house?

Keep an eye on her, but don't jump to any conclusions. It's better to be sure first, then you've got some evidence if it is true! Then you can be sure you're making the right decision. Good luck and I really hope she isn't. :)

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A reader, lazySman +, writes (11 April 2005):

There is one sure fire way to tell if your mate male or female is cheating! Their scent changes ever so slightly! if you dont know their scent well enough to detect a subtile change then you arent involved deeply enough yet so shine it on.

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A reader, Tulloch +, writes (7 April 2005):

Wendy, Anon, Sarah -

Thankyou for your replies..Sarah, the things you mentioned are indeed happening..

I'm at a point where I want to confront her on the issue, but I will wait until I can wait no longer.

Wendy, yes there are new friends that I've never heard of unfortunately..

I'll try and keep positive - thankyou all for your help.

Cheers :-)

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A female reader, Wendyg United Kingdom +, writes (6 April 2005):

Wendyg agony auntYeah I would say secrecy was the main thing... but generally if a girl is cheating she will be very evasive with you about where she is going, or intends to go... Some even invent new "friends".. I would say though that gut instincts are not always the way to go... But perhaps you should start by feeling less insecure... if you dont trust her then you are already heading for a downfall!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2005):

Ask her, if you go sneaking aroung then that's just as bad as cheating. Remember trust should be mutual.

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A reader, sarah +, writes (3 April 2005):

The obvious ones are if she starts hiding her mobile phone, going out a lot more and generally being less affecianate towards you. Only confront her if your sure she is cheating, she could just be feeling depressed or any other reason. You dont wanna ruin a relationship if you're not 100% sure she is being unfaithful. Good luck.

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