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What should I do: Stay with my boyfriend and my crappy job... or join the Army and have a great time?

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Question - (31 January 2007) 7 Answers - (Newest, 31 January 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

ive been with my boyfriend for 6 months, and we love each other greatly, his the most imporant thing in my life. when we got together, we thought we'd only be together for a month because i was going to go into the army. but i feel in love with him and kept putting it off, i even started putting weight on so i couldnt go in. he also didnt want me to go in, so i decided not to. but now i want to go in because our relationship is having some downs at the monet, and he is also starting to say "when are you going in the army". but has also said he cant wait to go on holiday with me this summer. on one hand, i could stay with my boyfriend and have a crappy job, or go to the army and have an amazing time, but leave the most special part of my life behind. im really stuck what can i do :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2007):

Hi honey!

Look if the Army is your dream DO IT!!!!

I was in the same exact boat you were in. I was in Love w/my ex, couldn’t live with out him and a million other excuses not to join the USMC (United States Marine Corps – my dream). One blessed day I said the heck with it, it’s my life.

Because you know what? It is UR life & decisions you take now will affect you later in life! If you stay with you boyfriend life will be dandy but your future will be a mediocre life, and (no offense to anyone) but you might end up living in a dirty apt struggling to buy a house. One day you’ll think to yourself sitting in your sofa, fat as can be, depressed and dressed in XXXL sweats with a fat husband that makes less than $25-30k per yr, cheating on you with a slimmer version of you because you look like shit. You’ll THINK “How did I end up like this? What would my life had been if I would have joined the Army and be all I could be? -this is now my ex’s life.

Life in the military isn’t easy or a walk in the park “at first”. There are dangers of course and I hope you pray about your decision and think Very, Very seriously, because time will pass you buy very quickly and before you know it you will be either thankful for your life, or in terrible regret.

God bless you honey and I hope what ever decision you make is the best one for your life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2007):

Hi honey!

Look if the Army is your dream DO IT!!!!

I was in the same exact boat you were in. I was in Love, Head over my heels, couldn’t live with out him, or picture living with out my boyfriend at the time.

The USMC (United States Marine Corps) had always been my dream even before knowing this one boy and because of a boyfriend and a million excuses I wouldn’t join. One blessed day him & I had an argument, I rushed into the recruiting office and had a looooong talk with my recruiter.

He said it plain and simple –you’ll find yourself a better boyfriend in the corp.

Of course I didn’t join because of finding my true love, or because my ex & I had an argument. I think subconsciously I used that argument as my way of not hurting or feeling shellfish that this is what I wanted to do all my life.

But you know what? It is your life and decisions you take now will affect you later in life! If you stay with you boyfriend life will be dandy but your future will be a mediocre life, and (no offense to anyone) but you might end up living in a dirty apartment for God knows how long, struggling to buy a house, raising kids in regular public schools. AND one day you’ll think to yourself sitting in your cheap old sofa, fat as can be, dressed in sweat pants and an XXL sweater, all depressed, with a husband that has a beer belly a manager at your local supermarket making less than $25-30k per year, and who knows if he’s cheating on you with a slimmer version of you from his job because you look like shit, because you let yourself get fat and ugly and have no time for yourself because of you non honor roll kids… sitting there THINKING “How did I end up like this? Where did I go wrong, what would my life had been if I would have joined the Army? Why didn’t I choose to be all that I could be and beyond with the military?”

I know I pictured it a little extreme but I’ll tell you why at the end…

So anyways, I did end up enlisting in the USMC. Currently I’m as fit as can be (beautiful six-pack abs and a well defined body), I was blessed with a wonderful husband & not just any man a God fearing, law abiding Marine that loves me and is so honorable, we have so much in common, we motivate each other to live a lawful, healthy, happy, loving life. We have two respectful, straight A student children. We have wonderful jobs combined brining in close to $100k yearly. A nice house with a pool, nice cars, etc.

Back to why I put it so gory above, my ex (whom I loved so dearly and together made a million excuses as to why I shouldn’t join) had cheated on my with his ex-girlfriend. I went back to my hometown to visit friends and family and I stopped by the grocery store to pick up some snacks and to my surprise there he was a beer bellied supermarket manager. We sat at the deli, drinking coffee, and catching up quickly. He said he lived in X apts and he did marry that girl he cheated on me with. She actually stopped by to drop off his lunch and Ugh was she fat and ugly in grey sweat pants and an XXL sweater. She was yelling at her kids and smacking them for being rude. Funny thing is that I saw a dirty smile he gave a co-working cashier. Whom he might be having something with just because he’s a manager and she might want a raise!

You don’t know how much I thanked the Lord for not allowing me to be his wife!!!

Hey I am ecstatic to share my life story with you. Life in the military isn’t easy “at first” and it isn’t a walk in the park and you have to be very careful who you let influence you when your in. There are dangers of course and I hope you pray about your decision and think Very, Very seriously, because time will pass you buy very quickly and before you know it you will be either thankful for your life, or in terrible regret.

God bless you honey and I hope what ever decision you make is the best one for your life.

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A reader, Rainee United States +, writes (31 January 2007):

Rainee agony auntWhile I don't recommend anyone joining the military just because there are a few bumps along the present road, don't allow someone to curtail your dreams (especially if they might not be around in a few years). If you two really are meant for each other, your relationship can survive a military life.

It may be better for you to break it off now, and diiscover yourself away from distractions and the strain of trying to stay together. You never know, after some time of personal growth you might find that the relationshoip wasn't so great after all. Or, you can meet up again and have another go--relationships tend to go better if you already know yourself and are doing what you want to do.

Whatever you do, remember that you are still young. You have time to change your mind if it doesn't work out.

Goodluck

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A female reader, stina United States +, writes (31 January 2007):

stina agony aunt(BTW - about my last post -- I'm sorry if I sound pushy, it's just that I am genuinely worried about people who think the army is a great escape from a mundane life. I hope I didn't offend you.)

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2007):

AskEve agony auntI think you have answered your own question here love. "...stay with my boyfriend and have a crappy job or go to the army and have an amazing time..."

There are lots of men and women who join the forces and still have very fulfilling relationships with their loved ones. It sounds to me, although you both get along most of the time, time apart would do you both good too. Go into the army, fulfil your dream! Learn a trade, see the world, take in all those experiences. If you don't do this, you'll only resent him for "stopping" you doing it.

You are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let this boy tie you down so young in life, if you do truly love one another he'll continue to write to you and look forward to you coming home for holidays and if the romance fades and you both decide to go your separate ways then so be it and it wasn't meant to be.

Go for your dream!!!! ;o)

Eve

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A female reader, stina United States +, writes (31 January 2007):

stina agony auntHi anon,

I would really, really, REALLY (!!!) reconsider joining the army. I don't know how it works over in the UK, but over in the US they pretty much screw you over every chance they get. I speak from experience and also hearing my family and friends' horror stories (lies to get you to fulfill government agendas, how soldiers are generally treated, pretending that you're going to actually be assigned to the duty you signed up for - it's just a bunch of lies, brainwashing, and torment). Almost anything these people say to get you to join is a lie. (However, if you attend military school and enter the army as an officer, it's not *as* bad.)

Have you spoken with many people in the military? How about veterans? (Do NOT speak with recruiters about army life!! Their job is to talk you into joining, so BEWARE). I know that when I joined the army, I "confided" in one of the recruiters that I was afraid to join because of all of the stories I'd heard. He pretended to be on my side. He "coincidentally" had all the same sickness I did and "I am not having any problems at all. If you have a problem, just tell your superior and things can be worked out!" Bull Sh*t!

I loved the line where they told me I wouldn't be going to Iraq. They said "Oh, you're an intelligence analyst, they don't go to war. And women don't go to war, either." Um, what?! I objected to what he said and he somehow brainwashed me into believing him. Then I found out I was supposed to Iraq. I had to get my doctors to help me get out of being in the army, along with consulting a lawyer and researching all sorts of documents. I knew that being in the army would be no walk in the park, but I was "promised" I wouldn't be going to Iraq and they already had me scheduled before telling me I wasn't going!!

I suggest thinking long and hard before getting stuck in something that is tremendously hard to get out of (again, speaking from experience). And like I said, I really REALLY think you should speak with some military personnel and veterans before making a final decision, okay?

Take care.

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A female reader, Miserable Mel United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2007):

Honey!!, Why not follow ur dream?, nothing in the relationship book says you cant. If your in love and he loves you there should be bad feelings about you going away to the army, but my bf is army and posted away, we manage ok, yes its hard, its horrible that moment your standing there and saying goodbye and i wont lie to you, it only gets harder. But joining up cos your havin a rough time with him is not the right reason to join up.

I hope this helps

Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk

Mel x

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