A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need help. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. I am a 42 year old married woman with 3 teenage children. In December 2009, I came across an old friend with whom I had very deep feelings for, way back 21 years ago. We never had a relationship but the mutual feelings were there. He was a seminarian then, I was working in a hospital, attended to him when he was a patient. We lost contact for 21 years until December 2009 when I came across him on Facebook. He has been an ordained Catholic Priest for 15 years already and very much deep into his vocation, assigned in another province far away, well respected and loved by his parishioners. We met and I realized my feelings haven't changed, only now I am married and he is a priest. I feel his love for me, though he never verbalized anything. I know he is struggling. My love for him is tearing me apart, because I am taken, and he is taken as well. What shall I do? It is torture for both of us. He loves his vocation and I have a family. Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear LoveGirl,
Thank you for taking time to help me out. Every word you say is true, unconsciously I am already cheating on my husband by carrying on with this "emotional affair". You are right, every waking moment, even in my dreams, I think of him, sometimes feeling frustrated why we didn't connect romantically 21 years ago. You see, although we rarely saw each other then because he was in the seminary, he used to send me through a mutual friend (former batchmate in HS who was his classmate at the seminary) dozens of letters that really touched my heart. He is a very intelligent, down-to-earth, soft-spoken guy with no airs whatsoever. So secretly I had deep feelings for him which he didn't know at that time. Only this year did I tell him that he was close to my heart from way back.
But then again, the agony now is that he is married to the church and the people he serves. I swear both of us we don't have any intentions of leaving our commitments but just to keep the friendship alive. Per your implicit advise, yes, I need to keep my distance. It is difficult, but yes, I will do it. First thing is to drop the long conversations, perhaps just a text message or two. A day for both of us isn't complete without the good mornings and good nights. His usual txt messages are brief like "Just home from my skeds, 2 masses more today. I hope you're ok. Please take care."
LoveGirl, I say this again. THANK YOU beyond words, your straight-to-the-point advise is giving me a sense of direction. Truth hurts indeed, but the truth will set us free. You know this is something I cannot share to my friends, much more family. God will make it up to you. Best regards to you and your family.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): Hi OP. you may not bee having sex with this Catholic priest but you are investing your life, thoughts, dreams, passions, your everything. an emotional affair. whatever you are investing in him, you are stealing from your husband. is this fair. does your hb know about these long soul wrecking converstaions, does he know that his wife is pining for another man. your hb perhaps sees this guy as just your old friend, nothing more. this priest is using this emotional bond and selfishly using your "marriage" as a cover while engaging in this "affair". where does it all end? in teras, with perhaps a destrpyed marriage as you get sucked into something you cannot control.
you have replaced your hb with this man and that is not fair. you may justify him in your mind but please be realistic. you may as well have sex with this guy, you have given your all to him already and he had taken, taken taken (no, actually stolen your marriage away).
you need to wean yourself of this other man or then tell your hb you want an open marriage. your hb can form emotional and sexual bonds with other women and you can have your priest.
THINK
CHOOSE
IMPLEMENT
Husband or the priest - you cannot have 2 men. - decision time
- LoveGirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Lovegirl, JD and all who posted comments about my dilemma, thank you very much for your candid replies. I truly appreciate it. Both me and my Rev.Fr.-friend are going through so much emotionally, we don't have any intention of leaving our commitments (he, the Catholic church and me, my family) which we truly love. I am a happily married woman with 3 wonderful kids. When we first met after 21 long years, the first thing I did was to introduce him to my husband and kids. We want to keep our friendship forever by not going beyond the "thin line", so to speak.
Rest assured I am trying my best to keep old feelings in check. I forget details, unlike him, he still remembers the color of my shirt, where I was seated, etc. from 21 years back..I don't remember details but the "feeling" is there, never changed at all.
We are not having an affair, it it means sleeping together or having secret meetings.. We talk over the phone at least 3x a week for 1-2hours each time because we are apart. He is my spiritual adviser, soulmate, inspiration; repeats his Sunday homily to me every Monday, guides me in almost every decision. He has profound wisdom in so many things.
Everyday I entrust/surrender to the Lord all my thoughts and emotions and to guide me to the right path. It is difficult, it might not be easy for you to relate with me, but I can cope, with all your support and prayers, whoever you may be. Thank you so very much for this site.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): One thing i have learnt in life : you dont mess with God.
If this man cannot be faithful to the Church he needs to get the hell out. no use being a hypocrite and to add insult to injury , having an affair with a married woman.
you both are playing with fire. what would happen if your hb confronts a priest of getting it on with his wife. the disgrace?? the Catholic church has had to deal with a lot recently, don't compound their problems. stop your meddling into his life and heart and if you cannot remain faithful toyour hb, you know where the door is.
sorry Aunts, there is no easy way to say this.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich +, writes (20 August 2010):
 hmmm its a little complicated situation... i understand the situation, but believe me sister' its not easy... anyway i wish you the very best of luck.. i feel for you..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): I think you living in fantasy land. You need to step back into reality before you make a huge mistake.
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A
female
reader, xXJDXx  +, writes (20 August 2010):
If nothing has been verbal between you two, that really needs to happen. You need to find out his feelings for you. If your not happy with your husband you shouldn't stay with him regardless of the way you feel about this other man. It's not fair on you nor is it fair on him.Good luck, JD.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): Hun, I dont think that his love for you would be strong enough for him to give up his life as a Priest.I suggest that you put you put your energy into your marriage and try and come to terms with the fact that both you and he and unavailable to each other.He is married to God and his church, you are married to your husband.
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