A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i would greatly appreciate any views on this situation.My mother has an aunt who i can not stand. She is the most selfish narrow minded women i have ever met. Completely opposite her sister, my nan, who is such a beautiful person.When we were younger mum used to take us to this aunts house and we'd have a ball. But mum and her would have falling outs over things i never understood. When i grew older i understood why. If mum would so much as miss giving her a call for a few weeks, which happens being a busy single full time working mother of 3 children and running a hobby farm, this aunt would be horribly cold towards her and be generally unpleasant to talk to. Mum literally has to suck up to her just to keep things pleasant for the family. It was then when i visited her myself 2 years back and she did it to me, pretended she didn't even know me, shot personal questions at me, i felt so uncomfortable. I have barley spoken to her since.Last week, mum (who hates conflict) gave her a call to see how she was doing. It had been a few weeks since she had spoken to her. Alot of family things going on etc. My grandad (her brother in law) who is 92 years old is in full time care, very sick and on his last few weeks. Mum has been spending every second day after work, driving home, picking up nan and taking her in so they can visit him. It is taking a massive toll on the entire family we are all very close. Anyway, this aunt, right on cue, was nasty and cold towards her because mum "hadn't bothered to call". Mum cracked it and after work personally went to her house to deal with it face to face, where she was given lectures about MINOR old things that had happened in the past (20 years ago!) such as financial things etc. She also then had the nerve to bring up personal things. She asked mum if myself, was sleeping with my "new boyfriend"!!! Mum said thats non of your business, and she sarcastically said, "Ill take that as a yes." Keeping in mind i am 24 years old, my "new" boyfriend of 6 months, 27 years old, sleeps over when he stays down my way (I still live at home) She then said mum is irresponsible for letting such things happen under her roof, and so are my sisters boyfriends parents, (my 22 year old sister and her 23yr old boyfriend who have been together for 4 years live half the time here and half the time at his parents house). Mum had enough and left it there.But i am FURIOUS. How dare this women put my mum down who has raised 3 happy healthy children with bright futures. She is upset and its playing on her mind. It is also taking a massive toll on my 89year old nan (her older sister!!) who's husband is dying, and this selfish women is causing stress on the family!!I feel like paying her a visit and telling her what i really think about her but that will probably make things worse. What would you do in this situation? Cutting contact with her is obviously not making her realise how much of a selfish person she is. I cant stand her hurting my family, especially at such a hard time! Thankyou for reading Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): Something to take note of is... your aunt has known your mom for a looong time and even before you were born! The history there goes on forever... and it is your mom who should ideally deal with your aunt not you.
Older people are sometimes very difficult to deal with simply coz they see things a little different!!! Its not an excuse... but sometimes you need to not take things too personally! If you could put yourself in her shoes.... being old and lonely, maybe you would find her easier to understand? I really believe with all my heart that family is a blessing (no matter how difficult they are)... Be a little patient with her...to cut off an aunt is just not the solution...we can never get them back when they are gone.... Good luck and be strong (and patient)!!! xx
A
male
reader, MrShinra  +, writes (5 February 2013):
Live your life girly. It's not your fight. I know you want your family to get along and everyone get together, have a good cry and forgive and forget, but no matter how well intentioned you are, you are dealing with DECADES of family issues that started long before you were born. Your mom knows who she's dealing with and the history involved. Some of it you may not know about nor never know. I'm not saying not to stick up for yourself, your family or help out whenever you can, but you may have to accept it will always be like this. All you can change is you and how you react to this looney aunt of yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): Sometimes selfish people cant get ouy of their own way. She pitys herself. My advice, let her. Stay away until after things have calmed down aknowledge her on holidays and her birthday thats it, unless of coursr she suddenly falls ill, then tend to her. Dont be selfish like she is, stay calm and friendly cordial and away unless its a special occasion or her health isnt good. My mom is a type of person who pities and cant do things for herself, we are moing to care for her and my grandpa who's 85 and my mom has plenty of issues of her own. But, honestly shes not taking care of herself and isnt truely trying to and while its sad if there is no effort on their part you cant help them no matter how much you care or try to help them see. Sorry its not what you want to hear, but focus in those who do love you and put effort in AND be there for your nan who not only loves you but needs you all right now.
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