A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride with my daughter's dad. We've have been off and on in our relationship. When he gets mad at me, he doesn't talk to me for a few days. I would have to be the one calling him back. Then he decides he wants to call it quits because he still is mad. It doesn't matter what arguments we get into however, his answers to it calling it quits. I can't take it anymore. Crying at night, my daughter asking him where's "daddy"? It's too much of a strain for me. Especially, my daughter. I know he'll be coming back. I can't let him to this to us, again and again. Any advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 Well, I wish you the best of luck whatever you choose to do. It's a shame some people can't live up to their responsibilities, I feel for your daughter, but if he's going to be a jerk then I;m sure she's better off without the heartache I;m sure he'll inflict.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response. What really sucks is that I still love this man. I have to think about what's best for my daughter. I have a strong feeling he'll try to come back into our lives. My boundaries are set and well endowed secured this time.I would like for him to be apart of her life unfortunately, he doesn't seem too bothered about giving up his rights, as he speaks of FREEDOM after signing them over. There are ways to get it back but do you think I am going to tell him how to? That's a negative. It really feel for my daughter and the way her dad (( I say dad because any man can be a dad but it takes a father (provider, supporter, etc) to step up to the plate )) treats us. He's in and out of our lives with intentions of leaving again. It's not healthy for my daughter to witness his actions. She just turned 2 years old and she's catching on.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (16 December 2007):
I didn't mean to imply at all you had put yourself before your daughter, or not considered her feelings :o)
This man sounds so selfish, especially after reading your follow up. Sounds like both of you are better off not even having him in your life. People make such a big deal about the importance of biological parents, but sometimes a non-biological parent does such a better job than a biological one might do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. I've put aside my feelings and always put my daughter's needs first. He expects me to call, expects me to bring her over, expects me to be the one doing all the work. Did I mention be signed over his rights? He has two other kids from his first marriage who he has custody of by default (mother never showed up to court for custody)he can't barely take care of. But then he expects me to do everything. I've done it and won't do it again.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (15 December 2007):
Putting aside how you feel for a moment, think about your daughter.Yes, I'm sure she misses her dad when he's not there.But is it fair for her to have an on again off again dad?Is it fair on her for him to come in and out of her life as he pleases?He's not being a very good father right now and it's up to you to set boundaries.It doesn't sound like he is a good boyfriend to you. I would cut your losses, spend a bit of time building up your strength and confidence, and concentrate on your daughter. Keep her father in her life. When the time is right you will find a man who will treat you and your daughter like princesses, what you both deserve. Not a man who will induce insecurity and heartache for you both.
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