A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello I am feeling very down about things and how my relationship has turned out. Things with my girlfreind are not good and I feel things can only continue this way for so long. Six months ago I broke my girlfreinds trust and revealed a very personal secret (about her sexual abuse at the hands of her father) to my freind and my family. It was and still is the biggest mistake of my life and you would not beleive how much i regret it. At the time i revealed it i was feeling very emotional and low and i was not thinking straight. It was not malicous in anyway and i was looking for advice and support. All i can say thinking back now is that it was a massive error of judgement. I was honest with my girlfreind told her what i had done. Obviosuly at first she was very upset but after a while a couple of weeks she forgave me and came back. It has been six months since she forgave me however she still brings it up when she gets angry, i have made no other mistakes and i love this girl however i dont think she will ever forgive me nor will she meet my parents. What can i do? Please i know what i did was really wrong but i have put so much effort into maiking it up to her, what more can i do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Cloverfield +, writes (12 August 2010):
 I do think you need to have a do-or-die type conversation with her about this. It's unfair of her to continuously use this if she claims to have forgiven you.
Perhaps if you explain to her your reasons for talking again. Explain to her that nothing in your life has equipped you to deal with what she told you. Explain to her how its made you think & feel. That the abuse she's suffered has left more than just her as a victim here, & that there is very little support or advice for partners of survivors. After all, she has received your help & support since she told you, whose help & support have you received?
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 The only thing you can do now is stop beating yourself up and give it time. You made a mistake. You feel horrible for it. You've apologized sincerely and have tried to pay penance. It isn't right for her to hang it constantly over your head, but she also knows that it is something she has that can be used against you. I don't think it's malicious, but it is something that she won't let you live down.
At some point you will have to say enough is enough. Either she lets it go, or she lets you go. It is unfair to say you've forgiven someone then hang the thing you forgave them for over their head. Good luck.
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