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What makes a man lose his hard-on during sex?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 September 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 1 October 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

What makes a man lose his hard on during sex?

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A male reader, heartfullalove Ireland +, writes (1 October 2009):

heartfullalove agony auntSorry, that post of mine was entirely frivolous and off-the-cuff and was only advancing one of several zillion theories as to why the guy concerned might be losing his hard-on. the question was a bit short on info in the first place, so as far as a diagnosis goes, we're all guessing really.


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A female reader, curiousgirl32382 United States +, writes (30 September 2009):

curiousgirl32382 agony auntI don't think it has anything to do with not being into women or realizing he may be gay. That is crazy. There are several issue that can lead to a man losing his erection during sex,

1)stress - work, money, personal life, family life,stress can really take a toll on a person and man arent as expressive as women so with all this on a mans mind and trying to get busy and keep everything functioning could be hard.

2)Guilt - if there is a possible affair guilt could cause lost of an erection

3) medication - there could be a medication that can cause this

4) medical conditions - testosterone levels for example

5)mood killers - interruptions, getting over heated, trying to hard, other issues that might affect the mood.

A personal experience my husband was about 24 he had lost his erection right in the middle of doing particular reason we blamed it on being over heated and exhausted, but a first we were both looking down like what the hell, neither one of us know why. He's flipped out cause well he felt little cause he could not preform and being a women I was think all these crazy thoughts, not pretty enough, it don't feel good to him, is he cheating. But we both settled for being over heated. The next few time it kept happening. This was really interfering with our sex life. We had actually talked about seeing a doctor if it continued to happen then it just stopped like that, we were adding a few new things to our sex life. But still today he thinks it was just a fluke at first it just happened maybe from being to hot..and then the next few time he was so worried about maintaining an erection that he couldn't even enjoy sex cause he was so focused on keeping it hard. I believe we didn't have sex for like two weeks and when we did there wasn't a problem and hasn't since.

So if your a guy - dont blame your self if you haven't done wrong. Try different things try to rule out all the above. And make sure you let HER know it has nothing to do with her. Because it might make you feel Little but it makes her feel just as bad.. You want to blame you and she wants to blame her.

If your a girl - don't laugh at him or make jokes, cause it could be something that he has no control over, just bare with it, spice things up with him, do something you haven't done before or don't do often encourage and give him something to stay hard about.

It takes two either way.

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A male reader, heartfullalove Ireland +, writes (30 September 2009):

heartfullalove agony auntRealising he's just not really into women.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009):





loss of focus

loss of passion

mood kill (calling him Daddy?)

Unknown booner killer

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A female reader, Lola1 Canada +, writes (29 September 2009):

Lola1 agony auntIn addition to what the others have said, alcohol and for some men, condoms. (Don't let them take it off, though unless you have an equal or better alternative for both STDs and birth control.)

I've found both can be overcome. ;-)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009):

Any number of things can shut a guy down. If a woman gets turned off during sex she can fake it and the guy probably wouldn't know. We guys don't have that luxury.

It could have been mental or perhaps sensory input shut him down. Any of the following could ruin the moment...

Bad breath, a smelly vagina, a smelly fart, toilet paper residue, unclean behind, deodorant residue under your arm pits, really smelly arm pits, food stuck in your teeth, too much ear wax, too much public hair, smegma, etc...

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A female reader, witch-fire United Kingdom +, writes (29 September 2009):

witch-fire agony auntI wouldn't mention another bloke's name. Guarenteed mojo stopper apparently

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009):

It's pretty much guaranteed after he's squirted, but otherwise it could be a multitude of things. Boredom, stress, performance anxiety, tiredness and so on. Don't take it personally, it's probably nothing you've either done or failed to do. It happens, but don't make a big thing out of it or it could start to happen every time you have sex. Just brush it off as 'one of those things', and whatever you do don't let him know that you're either disappointed or annoyed about it which would only make things worse in future.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (29 September 2009):

Plenty of things. He might be generally tired, his mood might be affecting him, the list is endless. If this has happened to your guy, please dont think it was you. It's perfectly natural (I'm a guy, so I know), can happen anytime. Don't take it personally!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009):

insecurity, distracted, not turned on, drugs.

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