A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Another men disappearing question..for the guys. What makes you lose interest in a woman before you have even gotten started??I spent a little time with someone recently and liked him. He asked me out before and I did turn him down once but I had my own reasons. Reluctantly agreed to a date this time(Reluctantly because I had a bad break up some months ago).This guy called me a bunch of times, I was a little busy so couldn't talk so all of a sudden he stopped contact. I did get in touch with him after a week or so but now he seems to have lost interest, hasn't been very responsive or asked me out.I wonder if he thought I wasn't interested.. he seemed so keen but suddenly not now. I know he may have other options. But I know I am not the only person who has experienced this.Amy insights welcome! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 Why don't you call him and ask HIM out??
You're not being cautious...you're being apathetic. In this day and age, women can reciprocate the contact. You may be giving off a lazy or entitled vibe as well, meaning you may think that if a guy wants you, he should keep calling and calling and calling, and the moment you make contact once, that should show him your undying interest in him.
Nope. If you want to try to fix this, you should ask him out on a date. He may have moved onto someone else, but if he didn't, and he agrees, tell him that you apologize for your earlier evasiveness, and that you were evaluating whether you were in a place for dating in your life.
But, you need to do the calling...and you need to ask HIM out. Just "making contact" after blowing him off repeatedly after your first date isn't enough.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 September 2014):
I stop for two reasons... Either I feel like the girl isn't in to me or I realize we're not compatible. That's usually it.
Compatibility could mean a lot of things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): Thanks for your answers.
I suppose I may have come off as unavailable initially but only because I was cautious. I think he knew I liked him when I agreed to go on a date.
And I did make contact so he knows now that I do, but is it too late? What can I do?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 September 2014):
The guy didn't disappear on you. YOU disappeared on him! You weren't ready to date again due to a break up, had already turned him down and reluctantly half-heartedly agreed to on another.
Then you blew him off over and over again, so I'm guessing that he found someone else who doesn't have the emotional baggage you do in regards to your ex, and the chemistry is firing on all cylinders with them.
If you liked the guy, then you wouldn't have been "too busy to talk" on numerous occasions. "Busy" is a euphemism for "I don't like you and wish you would get off the phone, stop calling me, and disappear".
In this case, you didn't play "hard to get". You played "He's not worth my time". This guy wisely moved on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 September 2014):
 Well, I think it's pretty clear why he stopped chasing you. You gave off - "I'm so not interested vibes" right and left. That he decided it wasn't in HIs best interest to keep pursuing you. It would be a waste of HIS time.
Let him go.
And my advice, if you are in the process of dealing with a bad "post break up " thing, then DON'T date, but if someone asks you out, just tell them, I'm sorry I'm not ready to date after my recent break up. Then THEY can choose if they want to stick around in a "friend" capacity and wait for you to be ready or move on.
If YOU had genuinely been interested you would have MADE time to chat more with him, and not been so "busy" with other things. At least THAT would have been MY assumption. (and I think, his).
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 September 2014):
 Let's face it.... men are a lot like lions. You'll find that lions stalk their prey - such as wildebeests - and try to find one with a broken leg, to pursue, take down and eat.
If every wildebeest in the herd is hale, hearty and healthy, the lion may pursue - and seek to pounce - but if he finds that the wildebeests can all run about as fast as him... then he doesn't get close enough, and the wildebeests all get away.....
The lions, afterward, all retire to the shadows... often beside a body of water.... and wait for their next opportunity to pursue something tasty and nutritious....
Is this analogy clear enough?????
Good luck....
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