A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First I would like to thank anybody who is kind enough to read this and give me some advice.Now here is the story, I have a friend that I've know for a long time of which I kind of dated (not officially) for little while, but lost interest because I just couldn’t find him physically attractive. Right now he is abroad in another country. During that time we bonded a bit more over the internet and got really close. He's great I can just be myself around him and he's been hinting that he might want to go out with me by talking about trips and all the fun activities he wants to do with me when comes back. The thing is, despite this great connection, I feel that I am still not physically attracted to this guy and I don't find his sense of humor very funny though I do laugh occasionally. I've been told that physical attraction will come in time so I thought maybe I should date him when he comes back in a couple of months.Despite this great friend I just can't get over this other guy I know who seems to have great relationship potential. I’ve secretly liked this guy for four years and haven’t said anything because he is a coworker. Although it doesn’t matter that we’re coworkers anymore since I’m leaving in the next couple of months. He just seems like an all around great guy who I am mentally and physically attracted to. He's hilarious, smart; we have many common interests, and just has his stuff together. I mean I can really see a future with this guy compared to my friend abroad. The only problem that I can see with this relationship is there is a slight age difference (5-10 yrs).I really don’t want to hurt my friend, but at the same time I have just been head over heels for this other guy for years and want to act on it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, you're right. Thanks for all of the support I really appreciate it.
A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (5 July 2009):
 Oh honey, don't blame yourself. These were only two guys out of the many you will meet and potentially date in years to come.
It's always hard to maintain a friendship when one person likes the other. Perhaps he couldn't get over his feelings for you and thought it best not to be so close.
I know it hurts, but look at these relationship experiences as learning to finding the right person at the right time. Don't simply settle for someone who *might* fit the bill. But good on you for trying with the second guy - at least you can say that you gave it a go, you don't have to worry about the "what-if's" now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think a relationship is going to happen with the second guy, since we started talking he either contacts me a month after I do or not at all.I told the first guy that I considered him a very close friend alone after his buddies started hinting that we had something way more than a friendship. This also made him drift apart from me and he hasn't talked to me since aside from one time in a group of our other friends. I guess you could say I really screwed up somewhere along the line.
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A
female
reader, scythe +, writes (13 May 2009):
Good on you :) Let us know how it goes! I'm excited for you x
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think that sounds very reasonable and hopefully my coworker will like me back when I tell him. ^_^
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A
female
reader, scythe +, writes (12 May 2009):
When I read your question, my reactions were,
-Don't enter a relationship EXPECTING things to change in the future (in this case, your attraction to him)
-You are so much more interested in the second guy!
The first guy sounds like he is a solid friend. Sometimes it's better to keep a friends as friends.
The timing seems right for showing interest in the second guy - he won't be a colleague for much longer.
Why struggle to date someone you are not attracted to, when you are clearly have a strong, healthy attraction to another 'datable' guy.
But of course, I am not you, nor do I know the specifics of your situation :)
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