A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love my sister but every time I ask her if she loves me, she says no. Then when I say I love you to her, she says I hate you to. Now I know she doesn't mean this 80% of the time, but it still makes me upset when she says this. I have heard her say I love you and care about her ONCE but that only because I have gotten something she wanted. She's 11 and I'm 14 and We just found out each other existed last year during July because my mom finally told me who my dad was and she took me to meet him and I found out I had a sister, and all of us have gotten close, somewhat, but like she has only let me hug her once and that was the last time I saw her so I think we are getting closer but I want to hear her say I love you instade of I hate you to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have shown intrest in her life. I've helped her paint, I play games with her. I do a lot of things with her. No, She was not an only child, she has an older sister which is my Step-Sister.
A
female
reader, Lauren..  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Heya
was she an only child before she found out about you?
maybe since meeting you, she feels that she isnt getting as much attention as she used to, and therefore has grown to resent you a little bit? This could relate to the fact that you said that you had something that she wanted?
Youve got to remember that she is still young, so maybe she isnt sure of what she feels for you yet, and since you are older, you have a greater understanding for the situation than she does, so the emotions come to you a lot quicker?
Or she could be really smart, and maybe she knows that by telling you these things, she has a certain amount of control over your emotions, and in turn, maybe she gets what wants? I mean, this is only what I can say form an outside view.
Try talking to her about it, or even talk to your parents? Maybe they can help you understand why she says these things, because your dad lives with her and stuff?
Good Luck!
I hope it all works out!!
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A
male
reader, CommonSpencer +, writes (12 May 2009):
Ask her what she's overcompensating for. Most children at this age have no sense of concepts. You probably have a strong concept of hate(to hate is to dislike someone to the highest degree) in her mind she is probably a bit sadistic like most children(teasing, materialistic, insulting, naive, and blunt)so when she says it to you its probably like a love tap. She is probably uncomfortable with her brother saying I love you so she counters with "I hate you" to condition you not to say it. My sister is a little older than yours, but she doesn't say I hate you she fights with me playfully and makes up crappy nick names for me and I do likewise to her, but its all in fun. Children like to talk crap, but it's only that. Try another way to show your love by playing video games with her or whatever she enjoys. A little interest in her life is better than three words(not to say that you don't already play street fighter on playstation with her all the time ... maybe that's why she's mad? key lesson: let her win most of the time).
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't have to tell her when she says Hate you to that it hurts me, she knowns it does because I get in a really depressed state and she can tell that, which is how I got her to say it the first time because she knew she hurt me, but now I know she cares but she doesn't even try to seem like she cares.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): you should ask her why she says what she says. what are her real feelings? how can you help to change her view? Have a talk; it never hurts to try. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): You have to take in mind that this is a new relationship forming, and that your sister is only 11. Let her know that what she says is hurtful, but it doesn't change the way you feel about her. Some people take longer to warm to people than others do. Please just keep showing her that you are there for her, but don't push yourself on her, even though you want to get some affection back to what you have already showed her.
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