A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't remember when my husband had an orgasm last time. When I asked him today when was the last time he had an orgasm he said it was two weeks ago with me. In fact, it was over 3 months ago FOR SURE.A little background info: we had good sex when we've met. Then he quit drinking and sex. He was a big fan of online talking to attractive online women, and a few months into our relationship he was still doing that but says that he finally quit it. That is how we met. (But we just met online, and had a very normal dating, and so on.) As he continued talking to women online he was not having sex with me (maybe once a month to appease me) and that was during the time when he was sober and having a very rough time adjusting to the day to day life as a sober person. He finally admitted to me that that is what was going on at that time. He says that he does not talk to women online, doesn't masturbate and does not cheat. By the way, he also had a huge collection of porn collected since teenage years... He says he does not watch porn. Although, he does go to bed after me but he says that he (he is a computer geek) and plays his guitar. Please please before you come to the obvious conclusion that he still watches porn, and talks online and masturbates vs having sex with me, can you please give me another explanation to his behavior! I need help! The guy seems to be pretty decent, seems not to lie, and I cannot catch him doing anything... He is hardly out of my site for a long period of time... And I am not trying to spy on him or control him. I am very understanding.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): I think you should try being nice and spending some quality time with him, like the previous aunt said, however, I totally disagree with the advice to watch porn with him. I think you should find out first if he has a problem with it first. It would be like taking an alcoholic to the bar, very dangerous! I know you don't want to be controling or spy on him, but you should consider a keylogger or spy program just for a short while to see if he is telling you the truth in regards to his masterbation habits......there is a huge disparity between two weeks and three months. Men don't forget when the last time they had sex that easily!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): quiting drinking is not easy.... i am sure he is being honest. you see, when a person drinks, he is in his own world, away from reality. And when the person quits drinking, he finds it difficult to adjust to the reality. which you understand, and i think you are being very supportive.
But you have to do more. You have to help him ease into this world....
Do things together. Go to a park and have lunch on a sunday afternoon.... Try eating outdoors, in the open... the fresh air makes a lot of difference. He doesnt have to stop watching porn... You watch it with him. might feel uncomfortable but you'll soon find it exciting. Both of you can mastrubate to porn together... and trust me, even if sex mite not b on the plates for a while, it will soon come back...
hug him at nites while u sleep. when u show affection, he will be reassured.
make efforts, but most importantly, dont push him. he will soon some around...
goodluck! hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Lovebug123  +, writes (15 October 2008):
Question: I know this might sound crude,no disrespect to your husband or you but if he says he hasn't had an orgasm in a while, when he makes love to you, doesnt he ejaculate??? Because if a man ejaculates, he sure has had an orgasm!!! I dont know if he's trying to find an excuse not to make love to you but i personally think, you need to chat to him about it, dont let this lie, maybe there is something that both of you need to improve on in your sex life (meaning trying new things)to make you both interested in making love...With regards to the internet/porn etc it seems to me that your hubby is acting in a very strange manner indeed... People can say that they have changed but whether or not they have, you dont know unless you start checking up on him.. It's wrong to falsely accuse if you dont have proof of what he is really doing but i think maybe you should ask him if there is a problem and why doesnt he want to sleep with you? Is it because maybe he is chatting online still or has he got someone else... I dont meant to be negative but that's exactly what it seems like to me, my previous boyfriend did the same things and was on a chat site for cellphones called mixit and it broke our relationship up because he was having phone sex with women he didnt even know and then he stopped wanting to have sex with me, i even started blaming myself because i thought it was me doing something wrong which made him so dispondent in our sex life, i thought i was the boring one...
Dont get me wrong, maybe your husband has really gone off those things but there is always a chance... I think you should rather talk to him about it, communication and truast is the BEST thing in a relationship!!
Best of luck!!!
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