A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I would like some help please, I am having an affair with a married man and have been for many years.So please no "you shouldn't be doing this" comments thanks. We have a strange relationship and neither of us can say goodbye to it but it has me wondering a lot about things. He keeps telling me I must not fall in love with him as there is no future in it, then he tells me he would be devastated if I left and how he can never forget me.So today I asked him if he would care if I had sex with other men, his reply was I can't tell you what to do in your spare time as it would be selfish of me to expect you to be exclusively mine. He then said As long as you don't tell me. Just what does he mean by all of this, he really has me confussed. thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): Hi I read your question!!Are you sure we arent talking about the same guy..Thats what mine says too.One more thing he says is... Naturally i would want you all for myself, but i know i cant..I left my lover last week. He put on his sunglasses as i was crying and walking away.. I dont know why he would put on the sunglasses. Just be careful you dont get hurt. I am hurting at the moment. He fed me too many lies. And when i caught him out he would say "No it wasnt me"..Anyway good luck with everything.And..Dont say too much about yourself, just ask questions and sit back and listen carefully.Then you will determine if he is honest or not.Kind RegardsMP
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): He's telling you that he is selfish and then hits your heartstrings by telling you he would be devastated if you WOKE UP AND SMELLED THE COFFEE and realized what an unbalanced relationship you had and YOU LEFT HIM so he couldn't get what you give freely now.
You are being used and you haven't a clue and if you started being rightly selfish he would be be indignant.
Yours is a strange relationship....NOT! Guy wins, woman is floor mat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): I have been in the same situation and still am I suppose. The married man and I have had sex for some time. At the very beginning he said you must not speak of this to anyone and said I must not fall in love with him. And you know what? I havent. He then found out his is wife was cheating on him. He is getting divorced. Do I expect him to be with me? Nope.He and I love each other in a different way - it is an arrangement. Good sex. I have been with other men - he knows it and I just broke up with my bf of 4 yrs. Totally unrelated. my bf wouldnt have as much sex and the kind I wanted and he told me to find it somewhere else. He doesnt know I was seeing this guy and it was not often that I did.Bottom line is - He means what he said. Go out and have other men - be careful - stay clean - I think you owe it to yourself. You may just find what you are in is no longer right for you - you may find a man you want to be in a relationship with. You may find you need some guidance in knowing what a healthy relationship is and that you have been with this man because the thought of being in a true relationship is scary.Good Luck -
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): I don't fall for all this -- he's using the poor girl, sorry honey, this is so sad, he's doing you wrong-- crap. What comes around goes around sweetheart. If your heart gets broken, that's your fault. Maybe one day you'll get married and your husband will cheat on you for over a year. I hope so anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): It means he's married and he'll never leave her for you so he can't possibly ask you to sleep only with him for the rest of your life, eventhough in his ideal world, he'd like you to only be with him.
He knows what's fair .. to you at least.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): This man is manipulating you into behaving and thinking just s he wants.
You are his plaything, and unless you can find the courage and strength to get out of this unhealthy relationship you will end up an empty shell, incapable of thinking or feeling for yourself, you will simply be whatever he has made you
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (19 June 2009):
 Basically this guy is using you for sex (like all guys do with 'women on the side'), but doesn't like the thought of sharing you. It's quite an interesting complex. He basically owns you in his own mind, but not out of love. Out of pure ownership. Just like kids hate sharing their toys, cheating men hate sharing their flings. It's kind of sick really, the expectation he has as a cheating man on you not to cheat. He probably says that because he is having an affair with someone else too, not just you. This is basically a normal situation with married men and their sex on the side. He doesn't really love you, but he wants you around when HE wants you to be there. He will always choose his wife over you. And in the end, he won't really care about your feelings. I mean if he did care about women's feelings, he wouldn't be having an affair on his wife, right? Nor would he be stringing you along.
So get ready for the typical heartbreak. I will never understand why women condone this type of behavior when if they were in the wife's position, they would be devastated. Ah well, there has to be trash in order for the true women to shine.
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose  +, writes (19 June 2009):
 He sounds like he has feelings for you...maybe not love but he cares for you....so of course he isnt going to want to hear about other men....so do as he says....have fun and if your with other men just don't tell him...least he is being upfront with you but not being controlling by saying only sleep with him!
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A
female
reader, betty_black +, writes (19 June 2009):
 ilovebowsandcherries is completely right! This guy wants you all for himself. He believes its perfectly alright for him as a man to have two women but you as a woman shouldnt have anyone else, basically he is a sexist pig.
I'm not judging you but you must realise that he doesnt love you? And doesnt really ever want anything long lasting with you? He's clearly just using you for the thrill and for the danger. And obviously for the sex. (Either isnt getting it at home, or not good enough) So if i were you i'd realise that your allowing yourself to be walked all over and used and get out of there!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (19 June 2009):
 Sorry Sweetie, this man wants to control the situation, it is okay to cheat with him but not okay for you to cheat on him.
He wants you to be in-love with him because that is how he will hold onto you and the free sex.
Honeygirl
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A
male
reader, Your friend +, writes (19 June 2009):
 He is having free sex with no strings attached of course he doesn't want you to fall in love with him. He doesn't care about you at all, but it does sound like you are very much attached and heading for a big fall.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (19 June 2009):
 in other words he's saying he wants to just think of you just sleeping with him and no-one else he wants to be in cotnrol of what you're doing and who you're with and he likes to think it's just him you'll be sleeping with and if he gets told you're sleeping with other men that he's not got that control so to speak.
he's a married man right? so he's cheating with you i'm not judging making a point so anyways he's cheating with you! yeah... he doesn't want to know his mistress is also getting on other guys it'll ruin his ego. he feels a mistress should just be for him not for other men too... does that make sense?
he's having his cake and eating it too but he doesn't think you should!
in some ways he does actually want you to have feelings for him to make him feel like the "man"
he doesn't like that you're not after him and wanting more from this... he's gutted you're trying to sleep with other guys too.
hope this helps and makes sense.
x x x x
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