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What does a man mean when he says he doesn't want a relationship?

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Question - (11 July 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 23 July 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

When a man says he doesnt want a relationship what is he actually saying - as such. Does it mean he just wants a one night stand or he wants to see me along with anyone else he chooses to or what??? Or does it mean he doesnt want a sexual relationship with ME?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008):

That is the lamest line in the world. Whenever I hear it, it is almost always accompanied by some sort of unwelcome sexual advance. If he says he wants to have sex with you but doesn't want a relationship, it's the same as saying I want all the goodies, but I don't want them on my terms and I want them for FREE.

Sorry. Unless you like being a doormat, this type of man should be avoided. Keep looking until you find one who has his head on straight.

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A female reader, lexilou United Kingdom +, writes (12 July 2008):

lexilou agony auntIn my experience it means they will come round, have a takeaway, a bottle of wine, selfish sex and then leave. Wont ring you for days, wont take you out where you will be seen as a couple, wont make any plans with you but will ring next time they want sex. Probably wont introduce you to family and friends or take you to family events or work do's. Will still chat up other women and possibly date a few at a time.

You however may become attached and think you can change the person and make him want a relationship. This will probably never happen and you will waste months or years when you could be out there finding the guy of your dreams who does want a relationship with you.

Can you tell Ive met a few guys like this! x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008):

Hi

I think he means he does'nt want a relationship.....sorry

what do yu want? the deciding factor could be dwn t what you are willing to do.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008):

It depends on his definition of relationship. He could mean that he doesn’t want to get too serious or it could mean that he just wants fun and sex. It could also mean that he doesn’t want sex at all, but I doubt it. It could be any of the things that have been suggested so far by the aunts. I have never said anything like that to any woman who I dated, but it was how I felt after my first wife left me after 11 years of marriage. I was not ready to get too seriously involved, as in living together or marriage. I needed time to sort things out. I needed to date more than one woman to find out what I wanted in my next long term partner. I wanted a relationship, as in getting to know someone well enough to see if there were common interests and likes, but no commitment for at least a couple of years. The first woman who I dated eventually became my wife, but only after 6 years and dating 4 other women in the first 2 or so years. We decided to live together after the first 4 years. We were both once divorced and neither one of us wanted to jump into a long term partnership too fast.

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A male reader, ChiRaven United States +, writes (11 July 2008):

ChiRaven agony auntBest guess: Guy-speak: Relationship=Commitment=Bad.

See what your guy says he means by this. Ask him. Ask him how he thinks the two of you ought to structure the way that you relate to one another (OK, you're talking around it without using the word "relationship" itself.)

But he's DEFINITELY not going to be into any sort of exclusive thing, so if that's what you're looking for, you'd best look elsewhere.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008):

It means all the things you said. He probably would have a one night stand with you and he might keep seeing you, but only when he feels like it (in other words, if nothing better comes up, he'll call you).

Basically what it means is that he is not inlove with you and he's not going to fall inlove with you. He might keep hanging out with you, but the second something better comes along he'll drop you like a rock.

I would take it very personally if I were you. The last guy I dated said that to me too. Then he asked if we could keep in touch. I said, ha! NO way. Bye bye. And I moved on. Its an insult to be told that, in my opinion. Its like saying you are not good enough for me. So I have been working out and improving myself. I'm sure he wonders about me. He probably wasn't expecting me to be so sassy and strong. Since then he's contacted my friend to ask about me. And then he contacted me a few times, once to tell me how gorgeous I looked (from some pics I have online). Man, that's the best feeling in the world.

You have got to prove him wrong. Prove to him that you are worth it. The best way to show that is to have dignity and pay him no more attention and move on and be happy and fabulous.

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A female reader, BigSis United Kingdom +, writes (11 July 2008):

BigSis agony auntI'd say he doesn't want involvement, one that would involve a committment, like marriage or such like. Maybe he had bad relationships in the past, and doesn't feel ready to get in too deep again. It could be that he just wants a bit of fun. No one can really give you the real reason for him telling you that.

The only true way of finding out is by asking him exactly what he meant by it.

In the meantime, careful you don't go falling too deep for this man, it could end in you getting hurt.

Take care.

BigSis

xXx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008):

Difficult to say without a lot more info, but on the face of it I'd say he'd possibly like a good few one night stands but no commitment to one particular person. Friends with benefits if you will. As the need arises, get it on, and when you've done wait for the next appointment!

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