A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have dated for almost a year now, but we've dated in the past as well. We've known eachother for a little over 15 years now.Things didn't get really serious till recently, talking about marriage and children and all of that good stuff. I lost my job about 3 months ago because of the economy, and she just recently lost her house.I had to move back home cause I had no income and I've been living off of Unemployment insurance.We've gotten into arugments because I don't have enough income for us to move in together.And she's moving out on her own now. Once she found the place she started acting distant.(She's been moving her things in all week, and has been getting help from her family to help move the stuff, she say's she doesn't need my help.)She'll invite me over and act like she doesn't want me there, and she gets frustrated very easily now over the silliest of things. I know she's upset that I'm not working. I've tried asking her what's wrong and she says that nothings wrong. She did mention that she wants space, but she calls me everyday and when she does, she has nothing to say and I watch what I say cause I don't want to anger her. What do I do? Should I avoid her calls? I know she's not lying to me and cheating on me.Is she just upset I can't provide for her?She just seems bored of me.Plese help me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): I don't know if I can give you advice on how to deal with this situation, but I think I can give you some perspective on why she's behaving like this. I'm going through a similar situation with my boyfriend just now so I can see this from both sides. I don't think she is angry with you or frustrated with you, I think it is the situation that is frustrating her. I'm guessing right now that you guys don't have much money or enthusiasm to do fun things together like going out for a meal or going to the movies etc and that is probably where the boredom comes in. She is probably frustrated that you guys are having such a stressful time right now and that the relationship is not going so smoothly. The fact that she is contacting you so much shows she wants things to get better and that she wants to be with you. But the frustration that she's feeling causes her to have a short fuse and even little things spark off an argument (coming from someone who's guilty of this alot right now!). My advice would be just try to show her every day in any way that you can that you love her and want to be with her, try to think of little ways to surprise her and bring some fun into the relationship on a regular basis. Why don't you just show up on her doorstep one day with your painting overalls on and a smile and tell her you want to help with the house and you won't take no for an answer? A positive, playful attitude can work wonders to lighten up the tension believe me! Us girls rarely actually mean what we say when it comes to refusing help or nice gestures anyway! It may be that she feels you don't care enough about the relationship to make the effort to fix it and that's hurting her and causing her to behave in a hostile way towards you, so show her that isn't the case. Just basically show her that staying in the relationship is not a lost cause and that you want to make things better. Her hostility is probably a subconscious attempt to spur you into this kind of action - she's hoping that if you see that you're in danger of losing her, you'll step it up a notch and take action to try and make things better. If you really want to be with her, then it'll be worth the effort. Hope this helps!
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