A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I've been with my guy for almost three years and we are long distance right now while I'm finishing up school (just three more months!) and hes trying to find work near home. We had a lil bump in the road a few months ago where he went into his "shell" for two months and wouldn't hang with his friends or talk to me at all. Things got cleared up as he was just stressed about life back home, post graduation. He visited me and everything was well, we had the best time! Then a month later I go on vacation with some of my friends and all of a sudden he is moody again when I return. He had just finished taking the bar exam and maybe he was just stressed about passing. I decided to give him space because that is what he wanted last time and the one time I do call he yells at me not to bother him with "stupid bullshit" and how he has real life worries. He immediately sends me an "im sorry text message" that said he was in a weird mood and was sorry but hoped i was having fun with my family who was visiting. I just found out that he has HUGE IMPORTANT JOB interview at this one firm this week so maybe that is why he is acting up? He will answer my calls but not call first and he wont respond to i love you. Yet he has be super social with all his friends and seems to talk to them a lot. So, what should I do with a long distance stressed boyfriend? I know i cant make him happy but I miss talking to him and I'm stressed as well about finishing my thesis etc. I don't want to be selfish or clingy only supportive. So any advise?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys thanks for the responses. To clarify some stuff, he didnt NOT talk to me for 2 months, but it was awkward and we only had like two 3 min phone calls a week and maybe a few txt messages. Then all of a sudden he was back to normal, he said he had a lil heart to heart with a guy friend who had trouble finding a job too.
I confronted him about the last time he was "acting weird" and he didnt realize that it hurt me that much and didnt really want to break up the one time he brought that up.
When I talked to him on the phone a while back I did ask him why he was stressed and that got me the whole "im busy with real shit" response. But now I def. dont ask him that question!
I guess i'm being a girl and a lil jealous that he is "stressed" but hanging out with his friends and seems to talk to them fine and not talk to me. I just really dont wanna add any more drama to his week as he has the interview with the firm.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (28 August 2010):
 Seriously I would back off and wait for him to contact you. He's treating you like this because he knows you love him and will forgive him for it. He's not treating his friends like that because he knows they wont stand for it. We all do this to our loved ones sometimes because we know they will understand however a little shake up does no harm so cut contact and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): Just because he's stressed out doesn't mean he should be treating you like crap. I also don't understand how he just didn't talk to you for 2 months?! Does he always act like this when things get tough? If so, you need to leave him, cause if you stay you're in for a pretty tough time. If not, I would quit calling/contacting him at all. See how long it takes him to call you, which will say a lot about your relationship. If/when he does call and wonders what's going on, tell him how he's made you feel lately. His reaction will say a lot about your relationship, too. If I were you, I would really be wondering if I was going to stay with him. Don't let him keep giving you the stress excuse. You deserve to be treated way better than this, no matter what he is dealing with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): From a guys perspective, to me it seems like just a big stress thing.
He will be talking to his friends more because they probably provide him a release from his stress, to help him forget. His happy place, if you will.
This bit may sound bad - when you phone him, and if you are asking him why hes is stressed it is forcing him to confront it head on. In turn, this will probably stress him out even more.
The reply to I love you, or lack there-of is 1 of 2 things;
1. Because he is so stressed, he is acting childish and taking it out on you to hurt you. ( You always attack the people you love most when it comes to these things)
2. Because of the distance, and not seeing each other as much he is starting to forget why he is with you( That sounds horrible). When it comes to stressful situations like this, its out of sight out of mind and because this is more likely the attitude he has adopted to deal with his stress its pouring over into your relationship.
Remember there are grey areas (Could be a mixture of both).
Just remind him why he loves you, give him time,and give him a longer leash.
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