A
female
age
36-40,
*ary
writes:My boyfriend/babies daddy ( of twins) and I are separating because he makes comments of me cheating when all I do is work come home take care of the family plus his other kids.I want to make things work out if we can but he wants nothing to do with me cus I crushed his man pride the night of the argument.We've been together for about 4 years and his friends adore me.He has always been so protective of HIS friends. and now he's asked me not to speak to them,he did that even when we were together and we argued.It's just sad to me how we are a family and he can still have that mentality of them being his friends only...I mean how else do you make new friends right, through other people.His friends don't want to stop talking to me and I want to keep talking to them too but I just don't want any problems. two of those friends are going to baptize one of our twins and the lady and I are extremely close.Well he already told her not to talk to me or wants me over her house.Of course she told him that wasnt going to happen so he can forget about it.I been sneaking around just to talk to her and when I need a baby-sitter I make her go to my house just so he won't find out that we talk.I don't know what to do,the whole situation with him is childish and stupid.He is older than me I am 24 he's 37 and I just wish he would act his age.Any advice on what to do. A lot of men have baby momma drama...(sight) well I have baby daddy drama.Im so calm the type that tries to avoid any arguments but I'm getting pretty fed up.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 December 2011):
 Could he be any more controlling and insecure? It would seem not. You have on your hands a man who is potentially abusive. In fact I think his efforts are already abusive.
Isolating you?
Scared to allow you to mix with the people he designates as HIS friends? What he worried about? Does he have some secrets he does not want you to hear?
Not respectful of you? You are hardworking, despite how tired you must be with twins. And all he can do is carp and be critical? Offense is often said to be the best defense. It sure is the defense offered up by those trying to HIDE their own infidelity. Accuse the partner of infidelity so that the partner will not notice that the accuser is the one being unfaithful. That is a common tactic of unfaithful partners.
You look after his other kids as well and all he can do is to try to isolate you from the support of others? This IS unacceptable.
He's not 37 - he acting more like a 13 year old.
You are the mature one in this.
See if you can arrange somd couselling, first for you, to give you some support.
And then if he is smart he will agree to some COUPLES counselling. Because he sure needs it. Try to work it through before you consider the option of leaving him. Surely he can be encouraged to grow up?
But if you are not able to get him to see the error of his ways then you may want to find out what the address and availability of women's shelters in your area. But twins represent a HUGE load of work. So get some skills to help you deal with him and then he needs to discover what is ABUSIVE behavior on his part. ABUSIVE behavior by him is unacceptable, not matter how seriously insecure he is about his issues.
The following two article may help.
Because if he is potentially abusive then you may need to make plans to leave. Which will be sad, but you do need to survive. AND be properly supported.
http://abuse101.com/toxicmen.html
http://www.escapeabuse.com/?p=116
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