A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was kind of in a strange situation and don't really know what to think of it. While my husband was deployed, i went to go hang out with this friend of mine. I guess he was more like family of family. I have known him for a long time, but we were never really that close, so when my sister suggested that I give him a call to hang out, I didn't really think anything of it. Well, as you all probably see coming (trust me I should have seen it coming) we drink to much, he kisses me, and things go kind of far. I got to the point where I'm suppose to say, "I can't do this" or "Do you have a condom?" I opted for choice number one. I felt bad because I said I didn't want to mainly because I was feeling very insecure. Anyway, I was lonely and couldn't stop thinking about him, so I'm bad and decided I just wanted to be with him. So we had plans for a few days later, and so I decided that maybe i could just have sex with him once. I mean I didn't really ever have to see him again. If i didn't want to. Well we went out with some other people, and when they all faded away, That stupid feeling was there, and he asked me to go upstairs. So its just the two of us now, and we and laying there. So I kiss his neck, and he starts to undress, and then I kiss his ear. But when I went to take my clothes off, He comes out with "I have to get some sleep" Turns away from me and just pretends I'm not there. I don't understand. I was lost, and I still am. I thought maybe he wanted to be friends, but he doesn't call or e-mail me. I'm pretty sure he he knew I didn't want more then just one night. Its not something I want to pursue, but I don't understand what i did. I guess my pride is kind of hurt. But what could he be thinking? I'm worried he thinks I'm just some kind of whore or something. If he didn't want me, then why would he invite me upstairs? Again its not something I was to pursue, I just wanted to get opinions on it.I know it was stupid, and I have never done anything like that before, and never will. I just wanted to put that out there, my husband and I weren't doing to well, and he had been gone for over a year.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Sorry, I'm not a man, so I can't peek into his brain. Maybe things got carried away between you two, and he was thinking with the little head initially, but then the big head took over and reminded him that you were married, and a friend of family? He may not have wanted to start something, even for just one night, as things could get complicated.
He obviously was attracted to you initially, and alcohol lowers inhibitions, so that may have played a role in the initial scene. Then the second time, again, an internal monologue in his brain may have started up, telling him that getting involved with a married woman, no matter how unhappy or dead the marriage is, was going to lead to trouble ahead?
I don't know, honestly. It's probably not worth pursuing at this point, as trying to figure convoluted logic combined with lust is a losing proposition.
Hope this helps, however little. All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thats very critical of both of you. Not much help at all. My fidelity, and marital problems are not what I was asking about. I really wanted a man to answer this question. I don't understand why. I feel taken advantaged of and then like i was just thrown away.
My husband wouldn't set me up. I don't think he would care enough to.
I really hope i get some better answers.
People make mistakes, but I think I have the right to wonder why that guy would try to play with me. Espacially since I am married. Why would a guy mess around with some one like that.
I guess if you two are the only two that read this, that part doesn't matter to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): you dont think that maybe your husband set you up? thats what comes to my mind with this. maybe he was testing you to see if you were going to be faithful. i hope you dont tell your husband that you love him after you were so willing to cheat on him. and this man probably does think that you are a whore? does he know that you are married? i could never do to my man what you did. EVER!!!! faithfulness is everything in a relationship and you are a very untrustworthy partner. not to hurt your feelings or anything but you have really hurt your husbands even if he doesnt know it yet. but it sounds like he might....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): you dont think that maybe your husband had a plan for that to see what you would do while he was gone? thats almost what that sounds like to me. to be honest, your a very unfaithful woman. i hope you dont say that you love your husband cause if you did you certainly would not have done that to him. i could never do that to my man, no matter how long he was gone. really, you should be ashamed.
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